No, not again. When I first realised I had mental health issues; I noticed a rather unsettling negative pattern. About every three years, I found myself on a collision course with my reclusive state. The four walls move ever so closer. I get scared, I cannot breathe, the panic becomes an unstoppable force.
So, once again, I am starting to encounter the darkness that tells me to withdraw from the outside world. The enthusiasm that I have for others becomes clouded by disturbing self doubts. The new friends I have made become lost in the blur, as my depression kicks in. I become scared, scared of society, scared of myself.
Part of the problem is that I start to notice that my good intentions appears to fall upon deaf ears. I try to be empowered, I try to empower others. When I sense the interaction is not a two-way street, this sad, scared man retreats back into a world he tries so desperately not to revisit.
Right now, I am being overwhelmed with that negative pattern. Yet, this time, with the help of positive distractions, I shall work it through. I am determined to get back out there and try again. This time, I will not let my depression and anxiety lock me in a self-imposed mental prison. I shall soon be free. No, not again.