Thursday, 3 January 2008
A 'Summery' Summary.
Warm greetings and welcome to a new year. 2007 was a year when I made positive progress towards a better life. With sheer determination I discovered that elusive glimmer of hope. No longer would I be subjected to a negative environment. For a glimmer of hope is so much better than a dimmer of hope.
Negative speculation once strangled me. I attempted my own form of 'fortune-telling'. Perhaps I should have called it 'misfortune-telling'. Yet I finally began to realise in 2007, that predicting a worst-case scenario was most unhealthy for my mental wellbeing. Why not dare to believe in a best-case scenario? With slow, cautious, tentative steps I progressed to a more fulfilling life.
It is with tremendous delight that I submit this 'Summery' Summary. I am so pleased with my progress, that I am tempted to do a 'summersault'. (Summersault over with...just a moment..right..I'm back on my chair now). I have begun to understand that when someone tries to hurt me, undermines me or dismisses my validity; that is their problem. Instead of lying awake at night worrying about what has transpired, I try to move on. For if I don't, their problem becomes my problem. I know that little good can come from hurting folks. So I wish no ill will of those who have misinterpreted my good intentions. At times we all need to reflect upon our actions and reactions. I believe that in this past year I have become a better person.
The depression that I experience has the ability to torment me. My 'inner-voice' often told me that I am smart. Smart enough to know how stupid I think I am. This distorted thinking process had dominated my life for a long time. In 2007, that inner-voice grew fainter. I kept myself busy, the 'doorway or duvet' dilemma was challenged. It has not been easy, yet I emerge from my reclusive shell more often. I dare to be a part of society. I have turned perceived negatives into triumphant positive solutions. How fantastic is that?
In the past year I have been involved with rewarding, thought-provoking projects. It has helped so much to be empowered by doing volunteer work for 'Changes'. Being a part of the 'Mind Bloggling' community has been more rewarding than I would have ever imagined. I have become a 'voice' amongst many empathetic voices. Mind Bloggling has given me the chance to express myself in an open, honest, transparent manner. I mentioned in my first blog that I would try and verbalise from the heart. I like to think that I have proven this to be true.
The past year I have focused back on some wonderful memories. Memories, that during the height of my depression, blurred into insignificance. I had forgotten what a fortunate soul I was. When the depressive 'fog' began to lift, I used my past events as a source of positive inspiration for a better now, a better future. I have so much to be thankful for. There is a choice and positive possibilities call my name.
This new year will see me continue on in my challenge to be happy. I know there will be times that loneliness will dominate my world. Yet I will use that solitude as a time for positive reflection. If it means going for a walk with the dog, then so be it. If it means going online and interacting on the Changes website, well I know that will be worthwhile distraction. Indeed, in moments of solitude, I can always do a blog.
Over the last year I have have become less of a spectator. I have come off the bench, walked onto the field and became more involved with the 'game of life'. I would call that a darned good result. I now look forward to 2008 with positive anticipation rather than negative speculation. I shall continue to challenge my 'inner-critic'.
In closing, let me share with you a special moment. I have lived in my home through seven 'festive seasons'. Each Christmas, despite being cynical about the whole thing, I adorned my home with loads of Christmassy stuff. Each year I would put up the lights, hoping that someone other than my son Tristan would see them. Each year, I sat alone staring at the twinkling lights. I invited people to see them. Nobody ever showed up and I was very sad. This past New Year's Eve, I had two people visit me. Two people who are my friends. They saw my twinkling Christmas lights. In my life, that was a significant event. How about that for a 'Summery' Summary? A positive and peaceful New Year to you all. Warm wishes Klahanie.