Monday, 29 October 2007

Making a Positive Choice

Greetings. Well here I go again. This is another attempt at sailing into the great social unknown. I have come close before, nearly entering a more mainstream social environment. Previous sojourns encountered stumbling blocks. Partly created by me, partly enhanced by a negative environment. I became so disillusioned with society, that I retreated to a self-imposed, hermit-like world. This time, I am determined to take that path that leads me through unchartered territory. I visualise a positive adventure, not another, 'why did I bother?' scenario.
My mental health issues distorted my ability to 'go with the flow'. I was always expecting a negative inevitable. Each time I ventured into social situations , I was overwhelmed with a sensation of being dismissed and undermined. My opinion, indeed, my right to even exist, felt like an ourtrage to humanity. How dare I talk to people?
Yet through all this mental inner-turmoil, I have had this flickering hope of a positive outcome. Now I see that my negative situations were directing me towards a positive choice. For my negativity revealed a positivity. It was there all along. I discovered a wonderful, powerful resilience growing within me. I would take advantage of this untapped resource.
In a way, I am convinced my mental health concerns are some sort of bizarre blessing. Ofcourse, I'm not saying we should have to endure such anguish. Yet the turbulent times have allowed me to discover some very positive traits. I do remain undaunted, I shall continue to challenge my lingering self-doubts. I have a choice. I choose to keep moving forward. No longer will I think: "hmmm..when one door closes...another one slams in your face."
So my social adventure goes through another barrier. This time I will not fade back into obscurity, for such loneliness is not a very nice place. I will be realistic, at times, social situations will not be ideal. There will be occasions my outrageous antics will be frowned upon.
Ironically this zany form of bravado draws attention to me. Which is pretty strange for a guy who is scared of social networking. I think I am trying to convince myself that I belong, that I am a part of something..anything. I hope people understand that this bravado is very sincere. All I'm trying to do is make folks happy. I love to see their smiling faces. Now it is about time I gave myself permission to have a happier, more fulfilling life. It is time for a sense of purpose.
So Klahanie is making a positive choice. "Hello..pleased to meet you..the great social unknown." Before me lies the pathway that takes me through unchartered territory. I stroll along it, comforted with the knowledge, that this time, I will not turn back.
I thank you for your time. Warm regards Klahanie.


  1. At this point you had no comments klahanie,so I thought I would just throw you a life-line and comment on your blog. Obviously I am being ironic (and as a Canadian, not an American you should understand that) you obviously have lots of friends and real support.
    Having said that I know exactly what it feels like to be sort of alienated from people, to indeed feel "well, what right do I have to be here".But surely enough, as you have said, that feeling disipates and can be replaced with a new positivity. Believe me you are warmly regarded by all at MAGMH precisely because of your "bravado". But never let it hide your true self, because I'm sure people have lots of time for that aswell.
    From one kind and decent bloke to another,
    With Very Beat Wishes,

    P.S. I think I am just getting to know this blogging lark and will attempt to make as many comments as I can.

  2. ta for ur coments on my blog, i have briefly looked at ur blog,liked the photos .ta klahanie..regards ton

  3. Hi Klahanie. I like your blog.You have to face the world with as you say bravado. Be confident and positive. Believe me if you start to believe in yourself it will make a big difference. You are a good bloke and valued by the people who know you. All the best.

  4. Yo dude let me once again congatulate you on another heartfelt and moving blog! You are a great guy to be around with a big personality and razor-sharp wit, and your presence at a social occassion is always a plus! Take it easy man, and don't let the negative chatter stop you from daring to 'impose yourself' on the world as you put it. Warm regards my friend, Simon

  5. Hi Klahanie,

    You do write with passion and honesty, which so obviously comes straight from the heart.
    I would like to echo what David has already said, and that is please do not allow the 'bravado' to hide your true-self, because your true self is perfectly fine and O.K. although I think I understand why you sometimes may do so, because of the past experiences you have described.

    In the meantime, I send you my very best wishes Klahanie.....D x


I do try to comment back to each commenter individually. However, I might have to shorten my replies or give a group thank you. That way, I can spend more time commenting on your blogs. Thank you and peace, my friend.