Wednesday, 19 June 2013

Current And Currant Affairs.

Do raisins talk about currant affairs?
Do electricians talk about current affairs?
Do the ocean waves talk about current affairs?
Do raisin raisers raisin' raisins listen to music by 'Carlos Sultana'?

Why do we drink cow's milk?  Do we start out with a bale of hay for breakfast?  Have you ever seen a cow hanging around the maternity ward trying to get some human's milk?

So I asked for her hand in marriage.  Just her hand.  She wasn't impressed.  I ended up marrying, "Thing"  from the "Addams Family".

The "Accident-Prone" workshop has been cancelled because the 'uncoordinator' wiped out the entire classroom,. knocked over the drinks machine and landed in a buffet of beef stew, creamed corn, jelly and ice cream, tripped over the electrics and set fire to the entire building.  He then fell out of the back of the ambulance on the way to the hospital, got run over by the ambulance that was behind and ended up in a ditch.  Other than that, he should be making a full recovery...

The, "Improve Your Memory" workshop, will be held at .....will be held at...um the following location on the um following dates.

I noted somebody had done a blog on "apathy", but I couldn't be bothered to comment.

108 comments:

  1. Hilarious! I saw Lee's post about apathy as well. Now, do you need another hand?

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  2. Hi Alex,

    Actually, I haven't been to Lee's post yet. However, I did comment, as best I could, on Robin's post. I could always use another hand! :)

    Thanks, Alex.

    Gary

    ReplyDelete
  3. Haha. Always funny! Love the meme Al made you. He's such a wonderful dragon.

    And yes, I do start my day with a bale of hey...LOL...couldn't resist to be punny like you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Elizabeth,

      Thanks, I say as I laugh, or is it cry, all the way 'from' the bank. On a scale of 1 to 10, the dragon, scale, gosh I'm so clever n' stuff. On a a scale of 1 to 10, Al is dragon 10.

      Do I have to bail you out with your bale joke? Hay, hey and ha ha! :)

      Nice to see you back and front.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  4. Raisins only talk about currant affairs when they're in a jam.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mr. Penwasser,

      A traffic jam? You are raisin a good thought. I salute you in the nicest possible way, good sir.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  5. Pffft to dairy and hay both can go away. I'd give you a hand but my clapping may make thing jealous

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Pat,

      Dairy, dairy,
      Quite contrary
      Wont udder a word about hay
      Hay stuck in my teeth all day
      One-hand clapping
      Sometimes whacking

      Gary :)

      Delete
  6. I did here a song about current affairs

    I heard it on the Grape Vine

    AHHAHH HAh ah ha ha hah ahha ha hahha hah ha hah ah hah

    I think I got my fruit all mixed up but, I was just raise in the topic of conversation . . . . . Sorry that joke sort of dried up.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Rob,

      At the currant time
      You heard it the grapevine

      Aha and hay, hay, hay. That's what I say. Mooooving on....

      I think you ended up in a fruit cocktail. Your joke dried up like a prune. That figs...

      Gary :)

      Delete
    2. Rob part two

      :) And I shall now correct my error. You heard it (through) the grapevine. Yikes...

      Delete
  7. As always, an entertaining read. Especially the bit about apathy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi M.J.,

      Thank you for your comment. I almost didn't reply. LOL

      Gary :)

      Delete
  8. I bow to your superior punning ability.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Pat Dilloway,

      You are very kind and as Dire Straits sang about 'Sultanas of Swing', I shall thank you for a grape response.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  9. Replies
    1. Hi JoJo,

      Gets the rebound and *slam dunk*.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  10. I bestow upon you "Wittiest Blogger Award". Will you be giving an acceptance speech?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Keith,

      Yay, another award and thanks for such a bestowal. I shall leave the acceptance speech up to Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar!

      Gary :)

      Delete
  11. A great post to cheer the miserable. Thanks Gary for sharing.

    Yvonne.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Yvonne,

      I'm truly heartened by that, Yvonne. I've had a terrible day and posted this to take my mind off things. Wishing you some happy thoughts.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  12. Interesting you should ask. I'm certain ocean waves discuss current affairs vigorously with the shore. More like talking over it :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Angela,

      *Waves* :) I sea what you mean and that's for shore,

      Gary :)

      Delete
  13. Very Funny, Gary.

    Hugs and chocolate,
    Shelly

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Shelly,

      Thank you, Shelly.

      Hugs and sultanas,

      Gary :)

      Delete
  14. Great post, very funny. My type of humor.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Dizzy-Dick,

      I appreciate that, kind sir. Nothing like going a bit surreal.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  15. Another post that reminds me of my childhood. LOL.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Julia,

      Ah yes, childhood. I wonder how Thing would get on with Slinky.

      Thank you, Julia.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  16. Thanks for the laughs! I especially loved the one about cows hanging around maternity wards looking for human milk. Too funny! :-D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Lexa,

      And thank you. One of my more moooving postings, but I wont um labour the point :)

      Gary :)

      Delete
  17. Some good laughs here for a busy day!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Jenny,

      Glad you had some laughs from this on a busy day. I had some prunes and now I'm busy...must go now....

      Gary :)

      Delete
  18. I am glad that your humor is still intact. Have you considered stand-up comedy? I think you might be very successful if this blogging thing doesn't work out.

    I did respond to your apathetic comment, btw. hahaha.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Robin,

      My humour is in bits, all over the place and I'm beside myself. I've considered sit-down comedy. This blogging thing aint working out. I've been blogging for over six years, yes time for some sleep. I've had a blog for over six years and I'm still a well-kept secret. Then again, I get comments from lovely ladies such as you. Who needs fame, fortune and blog hops....

      Oops and yep, I almost didn't comment back to you because am I bothered. LOL and hay, hay, hay!

      Gary :)

      Delete
  19. It's all so silly, my head is spinning and I'm picturing your wedding photos. Did you kiss a finger or knuckle when it was time to kiss the bride? What was your theme song? Were there handouts for the guests?...I have so many questions, Gary.

    Did you read the announcement about the Procrastinators' Workshop? It's being postponed to a later date. And the Hoarders Convention is full of clutter - no room to even stand in there. Oy, you got me started.

    Thanks for the sillies, dear Gary.
    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Robyn,

      Yes, remember Gary, Robyn with a "y" :) I can't quite put my finger on it. Oh yeah, I kissed the middle finger, but that's another story. "I Want To Hold Your Hand", by the "Beatles" was the theme song. The guests got second-hand gifts. They were not amused. Sure got to hand it to you with all these questions, Robyn :)

      Oh yeah, the "Procrastinators Workshop", is one I will have to think about. Maybe tomorrow, or the next day, or...Oh, does that say "Hoarders..."? Never mind. Of course and here goes again, the "Apathy" workshop was cancelled due to lack of interest....

      Thank you for being equally silly, dear lady.

      Gary :) x

      Delete
  20. Wait, did Penny write this one? Here, Penny...you adorable pooch you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello um, Eve?

      Wait, did Fiona paw this comment? Here, Fiona...you adorable pooch, you!

      Delete
  21. I'm going to the same workshop, wherever and whenever it will be. Will they be serving milk? Did I ask you that before, Gary. I have been having some problems since I got run over by an ambulance.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Arleen,

      I think that workshop is being renovated in anticipation of the next time they attempt to run that workshop. Although, I can remember what workshop I'm talking about. I'm not sure any beverages will be served. However, I've been informed there's a stampede of frantic cows at the maternity ward wanting human milk. I got one of my cars wiped out by an ambulance. Now, that's irony.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  22. Well, I just know that I know that I know that I know that my post about hot raisins in burning brandy was the inspiration for this here post of yours. Am I right or am I right?

    As ever,
    rhymeswithplague the bald, er, magnificent, er, erstwhile blogger

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi rhymeswithplague,

      Hand on heart, erm, the left side of your chest, Gary. Hand on heart, I already had the raisin stuff in draft. You, however, did give me some inspiration for raisin the rest of the post. So you are half correct, my delightful friend.

      Grape to see you here.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  23. Know what happens when you step on a grape? It gives a little whine.

    A delightfully silly post, my friend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Susan,

      I'm wondering if this is the comment you thought vanished...

      Your joke was one of the vinest I'm ever read :)

      I hope I'm a delightfully silly dude, dear Susan.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  24. Dang! I commented once, and it disappeared...

    Know what happens when you step on a grape? It gives a little whine.

    A delightfully smile-worthy post, my friend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Susan,

      This is part two of my comment back to you. The vanished comment must have unvanished. Yep, "unvanished", evidently aint a real word. Evidently, neither is "aint". All these red lines on my screen.

      Your joke was one of the vinest I've ever read :) And yep, evidently, "yep" isn't a real word or "vinest". I also corrected my typo from the previous comment. Changed "I'm" to "I've". Welcome to almost Groundhog Day. Dang, evidently "dang" and "Groundhog" are not real words!

      Thank you kindly, y'all.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  25. I like the idea of "asking for her hand'." Often times, the hand is the best part. I doubt if anyone would ask for the foot. Well, perhaps if they had a foot fetish.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Manzanita,

      You finger nailed it with this one. I used to have a foot fetish. Then we went metric. Now I have a metre fetish.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  26. LOL! Love the... which one? Don't recall. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi BZ Dogs,

      LOL! I forgot what I was going to type to you all.

      Gary:)

      Delete
  27. Replies
    1. Hi Elephant's Child,

      I can hear the loudness in your smile. Thank you :)

      Gary :)

      Delete
  28. Love love the Addams family :)

    You're pretty deep here for a Wednesday Gary.

    .......dhole

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Donna,

      "You rang?"

      Thank you, I do get the occasional moment when I want to post up something deeply philosophical. It's now Thursday and today is only yesterday's tomorrow. Wow, that's pretty deep :)

      Gary :)

      Delete
  29. You are the prince of puns Gary! This was very clever!

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Julie,

      That's very nice of you, Julie. Let's have some more 'pundemonium'....

      Gary :)

      Delete
  30. So, this guy walked into a pole and the pole pushed him to the ground saying, "Vat to you dink I am, Dr. Suez."

    The guy dusts himself off and retorts, "Cry me a canal, man. Cry me a canal."

    See, my point is You, dear Khalanie (O, Hawaiian God of Pun) are indeed Dr. Seuss 2.0.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Mark Koopmans,

      I have typed out your full name because another Mark, further on down, has left a comment. This way, you will know, if you subscribe to follow up emails etc, you will know that I'm replying to you and probably just rambling on at this point until I come up with a reply that makes any kind of sense.....

      Superb and Dr.Suez Canal is now doing rhymes with Dr Seuss who is on the loose in a caboose with a moose who is footloose with a goose.

      A pun or two
      Is what we do
      Hop on Popcorn
      Internet prawn

      Gary :)


      Delete
  31. Hi Gary .. I think I've lost the plot .. read so many great comments to the current progrom on offer this week .. I'm off on my memory laps(e) walk to spend three whole days watching some ping pong with fluffy yellow balls, screeching seagulls .. and probably some drizzle ..

    Cheers for now - may need a dunkin donut later on after the drink .. Hilary

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Hilary,

      You may have lost the plot and I misplaced the allotment. Anyone for tennis and screeching seagulls hovering overhead during a touch of rain.

      Hope you managed to dunk a doughnut and mind the milk. Thank you, Hilary.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  32. I was stunned by the shocking current state of affairs and got my hot wires in place and short circuited right over!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Ray,

      You certainly are referring to a load of zap. I think my brain just short-circuited.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  33. You went out on a limb with the marriage proposal...! :-)

    Take care
    x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Old Kitty,

      Indeed I did. I proposed from a branch to a tree surgeon :)

      Yay, y'all :)

      Gary :)
      x

      Delete
  34. Why do people drink cow's milk? We are the only ones who drink another creature's milk. (And then we wonder why everyone is lactose intolerant.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Diane,

      Are we the only ones who drink another creature's milk? What about the inhabitants of Uranus. Wonder what they do. Seriously, you make a good point and actually enhance my point or two. Thank you, Diane.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  35. Thanks for making me laugh, I always enjoy a good laugh.
    He asked for her hand in marriage. Her father said take the whole girl.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi River,

      I'm delighted this attempt at humour has made you laugh. We all sure could use a good laugh.
      The father was a man who held the upper hand.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  36. I soooooooooooooooo love how your brain works!!! roflmao!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Caren,

      My last two brain cells thank you! :)

      Gary :)

      Delete
  37. Replies
    1. Hi Delores,

      It heartens me to know I brightened your day. It's been very difficult lately for a lot of folks and I was hoping to create a silly distraction.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  38. Haha...you know, I've always been curious about the whole 'asking for her hand' in marriage thing.

    Thanks for the laugh this morning! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Mark Means,

      And now we know the best "Thing" to do.

      I'm glad this gave you a morning laugh, my friend.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  39. So now that you gave me my laugh for the day I am going to go eat some raisins for my snack.

    Have a wonderful day and... I am sharing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Terry,

      I'm pleased this gave you a laugh for the day. Enjoy those raisins and it's good of you to share the raisins :) Okay, thanks for sharing this posting on twitter and good ol' 'Farcebook'! :)

      A peaceful weekend to you, Terry.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  40. I have a sudden craving for raisins...can't figure out why! Good one here, Mr. Gary. Too punny. Luckily I was NOT drinking chardonnay at this time or it would have been on my screen...
    Tina @ Life is Good

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Tina,

      Have fun with your raisin cravings and a bit of music by Sultana. I've heard raisins go well with 'puncakes'. No Chardonnay this time. Cow's milk, perhaps....

      Hope you are okay and a good weekend to you, Tina.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  41. i have a taste for human raisins... you made me laugh... now i cannot stop...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Mr. (Retro-Z),

      I just got attacked by a bunch of shrivelled grapes. Glad I made you laugh. Laughter could be the death of me.

      A nice weekend to you, good zombie.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  42. Dude,

    Where's the CA fishing boats?

    Did they sink?

    Have a safe, fun, quiet weekend (you pick one :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mark,

      Mr. Dude, Hawaii? Good, I hope :)

      California fishing boats? "Crestliner Aluminum" fishing boats?

      Yes, they sunk and now they are going to be raisin the fishing boats.

      The header photo is "Tresaith beach", Wales.

      Thanks for the weekend choices. Can I have all three choices....

      A peaceful, positive weekend, or whatever you want type weekend, my friend.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  43. You've taken puns to a new funny extreme-- thanks for the laughs, I do need them to keep sane in hazy Singapore. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Damyanti,

      Lovely to see you and I hope you can see your screen through the haze. I truly am heartened that this made you laugh. Life has been very challenging for you, dear lady. May things become clearer in Singapore. Must go now and wash the pots and puns.

      A peaceful, hopeful weekend to you.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  44. Ah fantastic! Please fill me in on the details of that um' workshop, you know the one.

    Madison:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Madison,

      Did I make mention of a workshop? Really? I forgot and what am I typing about...oh my :)

      A positive, happy weekend to you, dear lady.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  45. Replies
    1. Hi Annalisa,

      Said the electrician to the lit-up lightbulb.

      Enjoy you weekend.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  46. Now I remember in England Big raisins were called Sultanas. In Hindi Sultana means emperor.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Munir,

      I'm pretty sure we called them bigger dried raisins, sultanas in Canada. Sultanas are dried white grapes but from seedless varieties. You might refer to them as "golden raisins". That's interesting about it meaning emperor. Thank you.

      A good weekend to you and your loved ones.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  47. Ah! How much I've missed your sense of humor, my friend. You always put a smile on my face. I hope you don't run out of smiles or my face will suffer!
    Be well, my best to Penny, the Jack Rusell dog and modest internet superstar.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Al,

      I'm delighted you like my alleged sense of humour, my friend. We want you to maintain that smiley face :) I try to put up postings like these as a positive distraction for anybody, including me, who might perhaps be having a challenging time.

      I appreciate your thoughts and Penny is wishing you a lovely weekend.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  48. Hi Gary:
    When I woke up this morning, I felt like it was going to be a good day. Then I viewed your blog and had a wonderful laugh first thing in the morning. I hope I didn't wake the neighbors. LOL!!! Thanks for the joy that you post on your amazing blog.
    Suzanne

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Suzanne,

      That's really sweet of you. I'm so happy this gave you a wonderful laugh so early in the morning. I do try to bring a bit of fun in a sometimes miserable world. Any problems with your neighbours and I'll explain it all to them, eh.

      Have a really good Saturday and an awesome weekend.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  49. Gary,
    Someone like you gives a raisin to believe. Of course it's hard to be leave when you're a stationary person. And as a stationery person I shall be sending you post for a certain upcoming event. Not a post such as goes in the ground. Mail, that is. Not a male, of course. And nothing coarse.
    Happy weekend and thanks for the smiles,
    Laura
    x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Laura,

      You bring up some excellent raisins to attempt to reply in a similar vane, um vein. I've got a tear in my shirt and I must get fix it. I've got a tear in my shirt and the stain is there to see. I have to tare up the raisins and check the wait, um weight.

      I loved your clever angle on this posting, Laura. A rather acute angle, um, a rather cute angle.

      A peaceful weekend to you and thanks for making me laugh.

      Gary :)
      x

      Delete
  50. *giggle*

    So funny, Gary!

    I think electricians might have quite a lot to say about current affairs.

    I wonder what cows say about human milk, though.

    Jai

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Jai,

      I hope you the rest of your birthday was a spectacular success! Did you enjoy that parade they had for you?

      Thanks for finding this funny.

      I think electricians appreciate a plug.

      After having a breakfast of bacon and eggs, cow washes it down with human milk. Realises it quite likes the breakfast, but spits out the human milk.

      A lovely rest of the weekend to you, my friend.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  51. *KER-TISH! Hahahaha, very good. My how popular you are Gary, look at all these fans of yours, you must have to spread yourself pretty thin to reply to them all. It's very sweet that you do though. And don't get me started on Cow's milk...it's full of puss for a start.....*runs off before she gets on a roll.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Michelle,

      EEH GADS! Thank you and yay for me :) Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar is the popular one. Which reminds me, she says hello to Lardy! It takes a lot of time to reply to each person. I'm very lucky to get so many comments. Like you, I try to add the personal touch. Now when I say personal touch...um....anyway, I may have to find a better balance to this and then have more time to comment to all those millions of bloggers anxiously waiting for one of my comments on their blogs.

      I would never get you started on cow's milk. Goat's milk, maybe, but never cow's milk :) Ignore me, I'm being pedantic.

      Have a lovely Sunday, Michelle. The baker has a roll for you....

      Gary :)

      Delete
  52. Replies
    1. Hi John Gray,

      You worked that out well. Nice timing. Although I figured you would have tried to be 31 sooner.

      Hey, you've got way more "followers" than me! Excuse me while I go cry.

      Have a great Sunday and say hello to the chicks!

      Gary :)

      Delete
  53. Hello, I'm commentor number, um...well... wow!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Dixie,

      Divide by two. You know me, if I comment back it looks like I got double the comments :) Your a cute number, I must say :)

      Be well, Dixie and keep smiling, y'all!

      Gary :)

      Delete
  54. That YouTube video had me craving tortilla chips and salsa. What a fascinating blog you have--a little different, but fun, nonetheless!
    tm

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Ornery Wife,

      Tortilla chips and Salsa dancing. Would be interesting to see some Salsa dance. Thank you for your kind words. I must go now and buy a duck :)

      Gary :)

      Delete

I do try to comment back to each commenter individually. However, I might have to shorten my replies or give a group thank you. That way, I can spend more time commenting on your blogs. Thank you and peace, my friend.