Thursday, 8 March 2012
Blogger's Got Talent.
The excitement, the expectation, is building up to a crescendo of hysterical frenzy, as the finalists in Blogger's Got Talent are being flown in from secret locations all over the world. Naturally, the finalists are being flown in on the Blogger's favourite airline, 'Blog Air' and will be picked up at Blog Hope airport.
The studio audience at the finals are settling into their seats at the Blodeon Theatre in beautiful downtown Blogbank, just a few miles northeast of Bloggywood. A hush falls all around the audience as the curtain raises and the lights come up.
The crowd they cheer. Oh how they cheer. The music starts and the three judges are introduced. Judge number one, Bloggo Baggins, a major star who became famous in the Bloggit and Lord of the Blings. Judge number two, Joe Bloggs, who does a blog using his first name, Joe. And judge number three, Sharon Blogbourne, famous for being the wife of the dude who's the lead singer of Blog Sabbath.
Being the final show, the judges have had their say and now it's time for the five finalists to give one last performance before the public gets to vote for the winner.
Blogger number one, in the category, Sarcastic Blogger, "Hi, my blog is called, much to your surprise, "The Sarcastic Blog". "I cannot even begin to describe how thrilled I am to see all you wonderful, sincere people out there in the audience. There are no suitable words to explain my joy at knowing how much you like me!"
Blogger number two, in the category, Satirical Blogger, "I keep hearing about the 'big bank theory'. The theory goes something like this. First of all, become the Chief Executive Officer (CEO) of a big bank and get rewarded for incompetence, whilst your millions of loyal customers are thinking about such trivial things like, will they have a roof over their heads, a job tomorrow, or food on the table. And to top it off, as a CEO, you will get a nice hefty bonus at the end of the year, for a job not well done. Wow, what a great job! A bonus for buffoonery. An incentive for idiocy. And when you become the epitome of incompetence, it gets even better. Apparently you morph into a 'Fat Cat'. And who wouldn't like the idea of becoming a 'Fat Cat'? Oh, I almost forget the name of my blog. Too busy contemplating 'civil war' and 'military intelligence'." The name of my blog is, "Cat on a Hot Tin Spoof".
Blogger number three, in the category, Comedy Blogger, Hi, my blog is called, "I'm Incredibly Funny and You're Not!" "Maybe you can relate to this. You get on the bus. That would be the second bus after the first bus driver looked at you and continued on. You stood there, as the first bus drove by you, with your arms waving frantically, praying for a miracle and hoping that the driver will have a change of heart and stop. But alas no, instead you get drenched by the worst downpour known in twenty years.
When you get on the bus that kindly stopped for you, the driver decides it would be hilarious to accelerate and brake really quickly. That way, you lose your balance, you wipe out, fall into the lap of an old lady and proceed to dump two bags of groceries, which were full of eggs, a variety of sticky syrups and fresh sardines, all over her fake fox fur coat."
Blogger number four, in the category, Poetry Blogger, "Greetings wonderful people. My blog is called, "Edgar Allan Poem". "Here is an old example of one of my finest poetic works, There was a young fella' named Skinner, who took a young lady to dinner. At quarter to nine, they began to dine, at quarter to ten it was in her. Not Skinner, the dinner. Skinner was in her before the dinner!" "I thank you from the very depths of my radiantly glowing soul."
The next category was a combined category. For the two categories are rather similar.
Blogger number five, in the combined category, Self-Obsessed, Self-Promoting Blogger, "Hello people. The name of my blog is titled, "The Only Blog you Need To Read!" "Now then, here's how it is. You will read my blog and you will realise just how wonderful I am. You, the Blogger Sheep aka Bleeps, will heap praise and adulation on me. I will ignore you and not acknowledge your comments. I will never grace you with commenting on your site. I would not lower myself to do such a thing. When you visit my must read site, you will note the links in my postings that link back to other postings that I have written which also have more links to postings that I have written. Soon, very soon, I may hold a contest on my site that gives you the opportunity to adore me even more. If that's possible. The one with the most complimentary response to my contest will be allowed to purchase my book titled, "The Only Blog you Need To Read!", at a slightly reduced cost. Anyway, time for you people to do the right thing and vote for me!"
There you have it, the five finalists in Blogger's Got Talent. I realise that there are other categories. However, the television production company needed to get it down to just five contenders. Here's a quick refresher and then you, the public, can vote to decide the winner.
Blogger number one is in the category, Sarcastic Blogger is, "The Sarcastic Blog"
Blogger number two is in the category, Satirical Blogger is, "Cat on a Hot Tin Spoof"
Blogger number three is in the category, Comedy Blogger is, "I'm Incredibly Funny and You're Not!"
Blogger number four is in the category, Poetry Blogger is, "Edgar Allan Poem"
Blogger number five is in the combined category, Self Obsessed, Self-Promoting Blogger is, "The Only Blog you Need To Read!"
I wonder who you would vote for? Or maybe, you would like to mention some other categories that didn't make the final of, Blogger's Got Talent. I can think of a few more.