I endeavour to display realistic positive anticipation in my daily life. For the impact of negative speculation plays on the mind, destroys the uplifting energy I so desire. I'm battling here. I cannot focus. I cannot eat. I hardly sleep and sleep has been the only freedom that I know. And when I do catch those moments of precious sleep; instead of waking up with an air of optimism, I wake up to wave upon wave of panicky thoughts, drowning what's left of my fragile ego.
I'm gasping for breath as I write this. The fragments of my positive energy punched, kicked and suffocated by an unrelenting negative force. One of my few remaining passions, the passion to write, something I hold so dear, is garbled and sporadic.
And what has triggered this negative energy? The sadness in the eyes of my son. Sadness caused by the desperation of not having work and being able to move on with his life. His sadness, a grim reminder of the torment I endured all those years ago. I see his pain and I relive my own personal nightmare. Somehow I must regain my inner strength. The love for my son depends on this.
And thus, my dear 'electric friend', my 'electronic tonic', this very frightened and lonely man is not going to post for the next little while. Instead, I'm going to do what the ethos of this blog set out to do. To encourage and support others. I will be as proactive on as many of your blogs as my exhausted mind will allow. I embrace the true spirit of the caring and sharing blogging community. Indeed, all different, all equal.
I thank you for your time and your understanding. And now, I'm reaching out to you.....