Saturday, 7 June 2014

A Sincere Adventure.

Music shall soothe me.  I let the gentle tones wash over me.  Oh how I need the music.  I type the words that flow.  Flow in unison with the moisture of tear-stained cheeks.

I am the island of dreams, of hope, of reaching out and embracing the sea of humanity that terrifies yet challenges me.  I am that lonely man beyond your computer screen.  I am the lonely man who has braved the world beyond my front door.  Each time I went out I began to flourish.  Each time I went out my enthusiasm was met with resentment.  The flourish faded.  I faded back into my other world of the uncomfortable comfort zone.

Soon, I will try again.  I cannot let the raw emotional wounds of the positive energy saboteurs continue to scupper my right to a peaceful, positive life.

I know that those who would bully consider me a vulnerable, easy target.  A target to mask the reality that they are insecure about who they really are.

Yes, my friend, I'm scared.  Yet beyond the fear, beyond the front door, I shall seek out the sincere adventure that has eluded me.  I know it's there.


82 comments:

  1. Wish I could deliver positive vibes to you in person, my friend. I hope the big blue pond between us doesn't diminish their intensity. You deserve positive at full throttle.

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    1. Hi Jeff,

      Thank you for your kind words, good sir. Your positive vibes are sensed and no distance shall ever diminish such intensity of hope. Bless you, my friend.

      A peaceful weekend to you, Jeff.

      Gary

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  2. Gary, I feel a great sadness in this post. Positive thoughts coming your way from a sunny evening in BC.

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    1. Hi Ian,

      A sadness from frustration that my good intentions over the last several years have meet attacked by those who didn't appreciate my cheerful demeanour. Rather bizarre situation. I shall now try again. A peaceful Sunday to you, Ian.

      Gary

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  3. We each have our own fears and insecurities to conquer and we shouldn't let the difficulties of life keep us from living life to the fullest. I know how tough things can be. I sometimes have to drag myself out the door, but I'm getting less inclined to do so. My house is my secure place and sometimes I just want to hide in it and peek out the windows to be sure the neighborhood is okay.

    Sometimes life sucks and sometimes it's wonderful. And it goes fast and gets faster as I get older. The adventure is there. You aren't alone in feeling the way you do. You've got friends waiting that you haven't even met yet and so do I, but we won't meet them unless were out there mingling.

    Easier said than done. I know.

    Lee
    Wrote By Rote

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    1. Hi Lee,

      You are totally correct, kind sir. I have tried several times to be a part of society. Each time I went out I got severely bullied by the most unlikely of places. To be poorly treated by mental health organisations I put my heart and soul into, knocked me back, big time. Like you, I do however, do know it's our right to live life to the fullest.

      Your words I embrace, Lee. On this side of the computer screen, I have to challenge the negative environment on my own. Which makes me more determined to continue to try and create the positive environment I deserve, that we all deserve.

      Thank you and a peaceful Sunday to you and your loved ones.

      Gary

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  4. I applaud your bravery, it takes courage to write honestly. Reaching out to others is also hard but our connections with others who understand our journey is so very important.

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    1. Hi Pam,

      It's lovely to make your acquaintance, my good friend. The writing I attempt has always been written with a raw transparency. The therapy that is shared verbalising. I have been, in the past, actively involved with work with those with mental health issues in the spirit of empathy. Sadly, my compassion was ridiculed by a few bitter people. I try again and the connections we share are vital. I thank you for your thoughtful words.

      Gary

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  5. Oh Gary.
    Hugs and caring. Now and always.
    I admire your courage - nearly as much as I do your generosity of spirit.

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    1. Hi Sue,

      It is your hugs and caring that has been one of the profound catalysts that keeps me going. Your emails of support are cherished, dear lady.

      Undaunted, once again, I shall head out my door and do my best to demonstrate my sincere compassion. I refuse to allow the positive energy saboteurs to overwhelm me again.

      Thank you, Sue.

      Hugs and hope,

      Gary

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  6. There are so many of us thinking of you and sending you positive thoughts. Take care, Gary and hold on to hope x

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    1. Hi Teresa,

      The positive thoughts of you and so many others, are cherished and will help me so very much. Hope has been by driving force as so many times I got bullied to the point of reflective retreat.

      Bless you, Teresa.

      Gary x

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  7. My heart goes out to you. I admire your courage in not being beaten down and in trying again. I hope the support from us, your friends, is some help to you. I know I've drawn a lot of strength from online friends when I've needed it and you are one of the people who makes the internet a safe refuge for me.

    Hugs.

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    1. Hi fairyhedgehog,

      You are most kind, my dear friend. I was hoping that this post would be clear demonstration that I will once again challenge what scares me so. I cannot allow negative speculation of going through some awful trauma stop me from pursuing a sincere adventure. We both draw strength from our online friends. As you are here for me, I'm here for you. This inspires and all who interact with such caring, a gift of hope. Thank you.

      Hugs,

      Gary

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  8. I am convinced there are good times and adventures out there, Gary, hold onto the belief. You have many out here in blogland thinking about you and sending you positive thoughts and hugs.

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    1. Hi Suzanne,

      Thank you and I am also convinced. The pattern of being undermined and exploited has to end. Yes, I'm raw with the wounds of past experiences. Yet, with dear people like you in blogland, the positive thoughts and hugs will drive me forward.

      Thank you, dear Suzanne.

      Gary

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  9. There are times when I just want to hide in my bed. It's not easy to face the world every day. But Gary, when you open that door and the sunshine streams in, when you meet a face that smiles back...it's all worth the effort. Hopeful healing thoughts headed your way that today will be a good day, the sun will shine, a smile will return yours and your heart will be lifted. Keep trying. When things seem bad remember you have many friends all sending good wishes your way. We are all here....just a click away...you are NOT alone.

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    1. Hi Delores,

      Indeed, the duvet or doorway dilemma. When I face the world, I face it alone in my 3D world. I go out for those fleeting moments and yes I smile and mostly, the world smiles back at me. What has been a concern is the times I went out and smiled a bit longer. A number of folks used me and blatantly lied about me because they didn't like my pleasant attitude. Jealousy reared its ugly head and that makes me sad. Thank heavens for you and so many who are here for me as I am there for you, for them. I know I'm not alone, dear lady. In kindness to you,

      Gary

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  10. Gary, everyone deserves a positive peaceful and positive life. The energy saboteurs are usually people who do not, for whatever reason, want others to have such a life. You are one of the most amazing people I know, and I hope that you know we all support you even from across the world. Read all of these comments today and this weekend. Keep coming back to our words of support and feel all of our love for you.

    Your friend,

    Keith

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    1. Hi Keith,

      A peaceful, positive life instead of one where we have to constantly battle those who have the audacity to dismiss our compassionate reality. The positive energy saboteurs resent people who are not as bitter and twisted as them. Insecure bullies who need an audience to massage their distorted egos.

      Your comment resonates with the sincere caring of a gentle human who I greatly admire. I absorb the comments and the comments invigorate me as I strive to get out there again. The love is tangible. The love, another clear demonstration that the blogging world can be a force for the good.

      Thank you, dear sir.

      In kindness, your friend,

      Gary

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  11. The world will always have negative, unforgiving people who try to rob your joy. Don't let them win. Be like our dragon friend and boldly step out. Toss a few dwarves out the door first and let them take the hits. We are with you every step. When you feel beat, we are here. And we are here because we believe in YOU.

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    1. Hi Alex,

      It most certainly will always be a world where certain people who try to rob you of any joy and suck you into their ethos of negativity. I have stepped out on several occasions on my own. Like our dragon friend, we shall both step out there and not let those who are happy being miserable, continue to make us ill.

      Your thoughts are wise and kind, Alex. I brush myself off and the belief of you, of all my blogging friends, a catalyst of renewed hope. Thank you, kind sir.

      Gary

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    2. And I have a special award for you today, my friend!

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    3. Hi Alex,

      My kind friend, I thank you. I've had a quick read of your post. I shall be back over shortly. Thanks again and stay remarkable, good sir.

      Gary

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  12. Where's Penny when you need her. I am sure she would encourage you to step out and ignore the nay sayers and the downers. We are all here for you, wish you were closer that we could help you personally.

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    1. Hi Jo,

      Penny, bless her, is always here as a comfort. She knows of the naysayers and tells me to ignore them and listen to the "yaysayers." Despite the distance, dear lady, you are here. For that, I'm deeply grateful.

      A pleasant remainder of your Sunday, Jo.

      Gary

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  13. You have amazing strength, and we're here for you. Sending hugs from down south x

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    1. Hi Annalisa,

      You are most kind and my strength is even stronger thanks to you and all these wonderful people. Sending you hugs from "oop" north x

      Gary

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  14. I'm so sorry you are having a difficult time. There are a lot of assholes out there with their own agendas. You're a good egg. Don't let em get you down.

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    1. Hi JoJo,

      It will be okay, my dear friend. The difficult time has been a recurring theme for several years. Yet, I shall never let the assholes totally defeat me. The proof shall be when I go back out there. Undaunted and head held high. Thank you, dear JoJo.

      Gary

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  15. When you're crippled by fear there seems little hope of conquering it. I believe this, yet, somehow I manage to survive. Now I know it's because friends like you send good wishes and positive thoughts that strengthen me. Today, along with all the others, I'm sending you blankets of cyber strength, Gary. Feel yourself wrapped up in it. It'll feel warm at first, just before long you'll notice you're standing taller. We're standing with you, sending positive thoughts all day just in case you need more than usual. More is good, eh.

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    1. Hi Joylene,

      We both know of crippling fear. We both know that the fear must be defeated. You, dear lady, has gone through so much and you survive. Joylene, you have no idea how much you have inspired me with your gritty determination. As you have always been here for me, I shall always be here for you, Positive strength in solidarity, my dear friend.

      The blankets of cyber strength have wrapped me up in a warm sense of that positive possibility I so desire. Never again, will those who resented my positivity, defeat me. Thank you and all of my cyber friends, eh.

      Gary

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  16. Dear Gary, I was so sad to read your post. I’m sending hugs and positive vibes your way. Just remember what an amazing person you are and don’t let the b******* get you down.

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    1. Hi Barbara,

      Please don't be sad about my post. My candid verbalisation is of peaceful defiance that I shall stand tall once again. Those who sent me back to retreat mode will be in for a surprise. Your hugs and positive vibes are gratefully received, dear Barbara.

      They tried to get me into their perverse world of negativity. No more, I say, no more.

      Thank you, dear friend.

      Gary

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  17. The lonely man beyond the computer is not lonely. He is connected to the universe in unique ways. He has a unique impact on it and he flourishes each and every day.
    What a lovely poem, Gary.
    Thank you.
    Love and hugs,
    Julia

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    1. Hi Julia,

      Wise, thoughtful words, dear lady. There is a magical, universal connection between us. We rejoice in the diversity that displays the the wonders of a caring humanity. You shall flourish with renewed hope and thus, dear friend, so shall I. Thank you, Julia.

      Love, hope and hugs,

      Gary

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    2. Thank you, Gary.
      I treasure our friendship. It means a lot to me.
      Have a peaceful Sunday, my friend.

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    3. Hi Julia,

      Thank you. I cherish your friendship, dear lady.

      I had a peaceful Sunday. And now it's Monday morning here. Wishing you a peaceful rest of your Sunday evening, Julia.

      Hugs,

      Gary

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  18. I don't know what to say, dear Gary, except that you are in my thoughts. Always.

    Take good care of yourself xo

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    1. Hi Wendy,

      Dear lady, you have said it all. Your compassionate thoughts ring true in my heart and soul.

      And you take good care of YOU.

      Hugs,

      Gary x

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  19. Gary, people who bully are all damaged goods themselves. They are beneath you, not superior to you. Your previously demonstrated emotional strength will carry you through. Make sure that you keep connected to the people who care....
    CLICK HERE for Bazza’s Blog ‘To Discover Ice’

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    1. Hi Barry,

      They most definitely are, good sir. I have done my best to rise above such negativity. I have to move on from the corruption that a certain mental health charity try to involve me with. I have to move on from somebody a blatantly lied about me at a mental health charity. Something that was proven as a lie at a later date. A story I shall tell in a future posting.

      My emotional strength, despite several setbacks, stays determined, my good friend. I shall continue to stay close to positive people and distance myself from the negative ones. Thank you, Barry.

      Gary

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  20. Don't let them win, Gary. They are indeed more insecure than you. We are pulling for you and you are in our thoughts.

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    1. Hi Diane,

      I most assuredly will not them win, Diane. The proof is that I shall go back out there again. Those who would mask their insecurities by using me as an easy target shall never win. Your thoughts and all the thoughts are warmly embraced. Thank you, dear Diane.

      Gary

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  21. The negative nellies will always be there, just have to push through and maybe at them give a swear

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    1. Yeah listen to Pat The Cat in da Hatt
      Give hem a swear just like that
      What do they know....

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    2. Hi Pat,

      Negative nellies
      And all their smellies
      Tried many times
      With their negative crimes
      To hell with them
      I'm the positive gem.

      Thank you, my friend
      Such a positive trend.

      Gary

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    3. Howdy Blue

      Pat in the Hatt
      Is where it's at
      We shall all swear
      It shows we care

      Gary

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  22. I'm sorry that you are filled with so much sadness. You are such a kind, and thoughtful man who deserves only good things. I hope in knowing that you are surrounded by adoring friends will help heal your pain. Take care of yourself, Gary.

    Julie

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    1. Hi Julie,

      The sadness is of frustration that I tried so hard to show my positive, compassionate personality. In turn, I was berated, undermined by a few who did everything to destroy my caring demeanour. I will try again. I get so tired of giving them permission to make me feel ill. Adoring friends I hug. Thank you, dear Julie. Be well and smile.

      Gary

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  23. Don't give up hope, Gary.... There are good people out there too. Sadly we have to buffer away the negative and bullying ones to find the true gems. But they are worth it.

    I know EXACTLY how you feel. I live in a very COLD city. People here are two faced and arrogant. I can't wait to leave. But I'm stuck for the moment until my condo sells. Then I head back to where people are more real and gentle. That's where I need to be.

    Sending you a big cyber hug. At least you will always find real people in our world. Always!

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    1. Hi Michael,

      Good sir, I shall never give up on the hope that is there before me. Thankfully, out of those negative, repeat situations, I have also found good people who were outraged and the negative injustice I received. They are friends to this day. We do indeed distance ourselves from the negative bullies and immerse ourselves in the positive gems of friendship. You are such a gem, Michael.

      Thus, you understand the underlying feelings within my post. When the uncertainly of selling your condo has ended, you will be able to move on with your life. A life surrounded with the peaceful, positive ambience you crave, you deserve.

      Cyber hugs to you. You are one of the real people within this often cynical world. I'm deeply grateful for that.

      Gary

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  24. Gary
    Never scary
    A tad hairy
    And flair-yyyyy
    I agree
    That you are free
    When asleep-yyyy
    Enjoy the day
    A bit of sun on its way
    Okay?
    Hey!
    What d'you say?
    Gary is the man n' stuff
    One smile is never enough....
    Your enthusiasm found its way to me
    Your blue friend in the place to be
    Sitting behind another screen
    I know what you mean

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    1. Hi Good Blue,
      I know you are true
      Beyond the scare
      Is the positive dare
      Freedom in sleep
      I doth keep
      Yet beyond the sleep
      Something deep
      A new day does dawn
      No longer forlorn
      Sun beyond the clouds
      No negative shrouds
      Smiles of hope
      We both shall cope
      Enthusiasm
      Beyond the chasm
      That is despair
      For we do care
      Beyond the screen
      A peaceful protein
      I'm looking at you
      Mr. Good Blue.

      Gary

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    2. Mr. Good Blue,

      The CLICK
      Doth stick
      With hope
      We cope.

      Delete
  25. Oh Gary, what a heartfelt, raw post. I feel your pain, yet in it, I feel your extreme strength to keep going. I so admire that. Your emails of encouragement to me mean the world, and thank you for each one.
    Keep trying, keep positive, and know that you have a host of friends all over the world rooting for you!
    Tina @ Life is Good
    On the Open Road! @ Join us for the 4th Annual Post-Challenge Road Trip!

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    1. Hi Tina,

      You, dear lady, have sensed, most profoundly, the message in this posting. I know you understand because we both share the powerful gift of empathy. Our interaction via the emails is a source of strength for which I'm deeply grateful for.

      My positivity, although tested, we never diminish, thanks to you and all my caring friends.

      Take very good care of YOU, my kind friend.

      Gary

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  26. Replies
    1. Hi Shelly,

      I sense the love and the love is truly reciprocated. Thank you, dear Shelly.

      Gary

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  27. Sending lots of of love and positive energy your way!

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    1. Hi Jess,

      Your love and positive energy I gratefully embraced. Thank you, dear Jess.

      A peaceful rest of your weekend.

      Gary

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  28. May I quote from my favourite ST: Voyager episode "The Thaw"?

    *****************************************************************
    Captain Janeway: You know as well as I do that fear only exists for one purpose: to be conquered.
    Fear: What will become of us? Of me?
    Captain Janeway: Like all fear, you eventually... vanish.
    Fear: I'm afraid.
    Captain Janeway: [whispers] I know.
    Fear: Drat (fades away).

    :-)

    I just love love love love this episode. I know it's Star Trek but it's the truth!

    Take care
    x

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    1. Hi Old Kitty,

      And thus, I shall make it so. Captain Janeway speaks of the truth. Fear requires oxygen. Time to suffocate fear. Thank you, dear friend.

      Gary
      x

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  29. I hope we have and will continue to you help you in the face of obstacles and negativity. Hit them with your best shot, with a smile.

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    1. Hi Medeia,

      With such caring support, I journey on. Out of the potholes on that pathway to positivity. They try and put us down and we bewilder them with a smile. Thank you, Medeia.

      Gary

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  30. Take a deep breath. Open the door. Step out. For everything nasty out there, there is double the good.

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    1. Hi Liza,

      Many a deep breath has been taken. Many a time I went out into that world beyond my front door. Each setback will not weaken but strengthen me. I thank you for your wise words, dear Liza.

      Gary

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  31. We are here for you Gary!
    I'm sending loads of UBUNTU hugs your way----------- WHOOSH---------- all the way across the blogosphere.
    ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

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    1. Hi Michelle,

      I sense that being here for me, Michelle. I'm profoundly appreciative and it fills me with renewed hope. Thank you and the UBUNTU hugs knocked me over in a good way.

      Hugs and hope to you, dear Michelle. (((( )))) :)

      Gary

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  32. "Better than a thousand words, is one word that brings peace."

    LOVE.

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    1. Hi Lee,

      Very much so. All you need is LOVE.

      Thank you, dear Lee.

      Gary

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    2. I'm back because it seems you need me to be. This has to have been particularly bad set back. I'm not there to say anything in person, but I am here on the other side of The Pond.

      Delete
    3. Hi Lee,

      Your warm concern is truly embraced. With each bad setback, comes a new hope. Hands across the water. Thank you, dear friend.

      Gary

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  33. Yes. So true. So be you and let the others worry about themselves. So easy to say, I know, harder to put to action. But, as proved by this amazing blog, you are not so easy to take down my friend... I wish peace for a peaceful man.

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    1. Hi Lisa,

      Indeed and I was always being true to myself and my compassion, my empathy was sadly exploited. I gain renewed determination thanks to you and all my blogging friends. The peaceful defiance against those who would dare impose on our right to a peaceful life will continue to be challenged.

      Thank you, dear Lisa.

      Gary

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  34. Beautiful music and such soothing waves! Oh, to be on a beach....
    Times are tough, life throws many curveballs, the road is uncertain and the future unknown -- just remember you have many friends, you are not alone EVER, and together we can have faith for a better tomorrow.
    Always your friends,
    Kim and CindyLu

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    Replies
    1. Hi Kim and CindyLu,

      I love that song and that song takes one to the beach of dreams, of hope.

      We both know of the tough, uncertain times. Yet, with the gentle warmth of our shared friendship, the waves shall lap over our souls, our hearts. The future will be better and the resilience grows stronger.

      You are both dear friends. Penny and I send you hopeful, caring thoughts.

      Gary

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  35. Music speaks in different ways, and it is the greatest companion ever.

    Your blog was referred to me by my friend, JoJo. I'm happy to read your writing.

    Sonnia J. Kemmer

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  36. Hi Sonnia,

    Music, a snapshot memory of our lives and such a therapeutic companion.

    I'm grateful to JoJo for this. I'm grateful you left a comment Have a lovely Bay Area day, my friend.

    Gary :)

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  37. Dear Gary - life is a very mixed bag ... and I sure hope this will soon be over for you and you can be in an easier place.... I'm not very musical - but do get hooked into albums at times and love it ..

    With many thoughts to you and to Penny - often think about you from down here on our sunny coastline today .. Hilary

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    1. Dear Hilary,

      Thank you for backtracking to this post. Very kind of you, my dear friend. I'm looking forward to trying another adventure beyond my front door. I had setbacks from organisations I thought would care. I got that very wrong. I cannot see the same pattern repeating.. Music can be such therapy.

      Your thoughts are cherished, Hilary. Enjoy that glorious sunshine. It's even sunny up north!

      Hugs,

      Gary

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I do try to comment back to each commenter individually. However, I might have to shorten my replies or give a group thank you. That way, I can spend more time commenting on your blogs. Thank you and peace, my friend.