Monday, 20 January 2014

Howdy Do You Wipe That?

I was ten years old.  Had only lived in Vancouver for a year.  In the summer of my tenth year, I went to a YMCA camp named, "Camp Howdy."  A beautiful, inspiring location a few miles up Indian Arm, just north of Vancouver.
It takes about an hour and half by boat to get to Camp Howdy.  Notice the map above.

Being only in Canada for a year, I was unfamiliar with certain words. This camp leader, an old guy of about eighteen, gave me a chore to do on my own.  He asked me to clean some camping lanterns.  "I've nothing to clean the lanterns with," I stated.  "Use asswipe!", came his reply.  At which point, he wandered off.  "What's asswipe?", I thought.  "Some kind of cleaning product?"  I couldn't find anything with the word "asswipe" on it.  I proceeded to clean the lanterns with my t-shirt.

When he came back and noticed my filthy t-shirt, he seemed puzzled as to why I hadn't used asswipe.  Once he explained what it was, I realised it was a cleaning product, of sorts.
In Britain, toilet paper is sometimes called, "loo rolls".  Not to be confused with "Lou Rawls."  Imagine this situation.  I have a friend from Canada come and visit me.  "Gary, you hoser, eh!  I want to go shopping. Anything I can bring back to the house?  "Yes please.  Would you be so kind as to get me some loo rolls." The Canadian dude comes back with, "The Very Best of Lou Rawls", CD.
In Britain, toilet paper is sometimes called, "bog roll."  Not to be confused with, "blog roll."  Which is, of course, your list of must-read blog sites. So, in loo of, I mean, in lieu of not having anything else to say on this subject, this posting has reached the bottom.

102 comments:

  1. Camp Howdy - like Howdy Doody?
    I lived in London for a while and the different meanings for certain words was amusing. Of course where I live now in the South, it's also a whole new language...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Alex,

      As in Howdy Poody!

      You are a man who has learnt many colloquialisms. Y'all can now drawl :)

      Gary

      Delete
  2. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I absolutely adore Lou Rawls!!! I prefer bog roll - my tongue gets a little tongue tied when I say loo rolls really fast!

    Take care
    x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Old Kitty,

      And I absolutely adore loo rolls. Especially the loo rolls, or bog rolls with the nice little pillows on them.

      Gary :)
      x

      Delete
  3. In the UK, erasers are called "rubbers". We moved back to CA when my daughter was in 8th grade. She asked to borrow a friend's rubber--and the room roared. Not a good memory for her.

    The Canadians definitely have a different vocab; I did not realize this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Susan,

      Indeed they do. I can imagine the amusement of those kids when your daughter asked to borrow a rubber. Talk about lost in translation.

      Canadians have some unique sayings. With that, I shall put on my toque, eh.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  4. I like my blog rolls with butter and some type of dipping sauce. I think I am off topic... but we will see.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Jeremy,

      I think you're on a roll. Never off topic. Have fun dipping your sauce.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  5. Too funny! That kind of reminds me sending the new kid off to find a smoke bender, a mile of shore line and a sky hook, all need to make a good camp fire. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Bish,

      And the poor, confused kid in search of a smoke bender. Now I understand why they kept sending me off :)

      Gary :)

      Delete
  6. I bet wiping with that Lou Rawls CD hurt, too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Diane,

      For the record, it did!

      Gary :)

      Delete
  7. I have watched several BBC shows over the years, but I have much to learn still.
    I guess it would be the same for someone coming to Texas and trying to understand the slang we speak here. Getonoutahere is one word. Get on out of here. :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi DAVID,

      Ah yes, the BBC. Although, you can get more British slang from some of our other networks. Texas? Ged oudda' town! :)

      Gary :)

      Delete
  8. A case of lost in translation I guess!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Suzanne,

      In my case, just lost :)

      Gary :)

      Delete
  9. haha the cat uses loo so much at his zoo that he would get it. But at least you got a few tunes. Camp Howdy wasn't very howdy doody, swearing like that to a 10 year old

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Pat,

      Loo ny Tunes! Howdy Poody and that dude talking like that to me.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  10. And here I thought you'd never come to the end.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Lee,

      The end is in sight...

      Delete
    2. You've gotta fight for your right to repartee. A bit of bog banter.

      Delete
  11. . . .make that "the bottom." More effective prose, don't you think?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Lee, part two,

      The bottom is the end. And bottoms up, my friend.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  12. Had a good laugh at this post! Another fave term I've heard for asswipe is "kleenex by the foot."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Debra,

      Ah yes, eh. Kleenex by the foot. I'm going to use that one and confuse my British friends.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  13. I was still puzzling over asswipe (it means "idiot/loser" in the US) until Debra above said "kleenex by the foot." Ooohhh. That makes the dirty t-shirt even funnier! Maybe he thought you normally used your clothes to wipe your bum! lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Lexa,

      Asswipe can also mean that in Canada. It's all in the context it's used. Believe me, I've been called "asswipe" on a number of occasions. I shall now go and wipe my butt with my t-shirt! :)

      Gary :)

      Delete
  14. I went to Canada a few years ago......Toronto and Niagara Falls.
    Great post Gary, I have no problem commenting on you, seems those with a drop down comment box I have the problems with.
    Yvonne.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Yvonne,

      I hope you had a good time in Canada.

      I'm having all sorts of problems commenting on my site and other sites. In my case, mostly those with this jittery comment format. Your blog has vanished again, Yvonne.

      Gary

      Delete
  15. And ass wipe is called 'dunny paper' by the uncouth here. Love kleenex by the foot though. And how often I have used it that way.
    Thanks Gary, another great post. Bottoms up!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gidday Sue,

      Thanks for a new toilet paper expression. Thank you for your comment. Bottoms up to you and your loo, Sue :)

      Gary :)

      Delete
  16. I knew what an ass wipe was because I call my husband that name all of the time. Aren't I nice? lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Caren,

      You are a delight to your husband. Glad somebody knew of asswipe or ass wipe :)

      Gary :)

      Delete
  17. I was with Lexa, still thinking about idiots, until Debra's comment. I'm sure my cats would have gotten it quicker, since the stuff is a favorite shred of theirs. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi River Fairchild,

      You were with Lexa? Of course, it's all in the meaning meant. Cats and dogs and shredding bog rolls.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  18. This made me chuckle. My aunt lived in London, and was from British Guiana like my dad, so I grew up hearing the expression 'loo' from time to time. But I've never heard of 'asswipe' before! I have a lot of Canadian friends and I don't think I've heard them use that expression either.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi JoJo,

      Loo, bog, water closet. Asswipe is a common term in Canada. Which reminds me, gotta' go to the can....

      Gary :)

      Delete
  19. Too funny - you're in rare form today! Just when I need a laugh you are there to provide it1 Thank you!

    Patches sends her best!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Yolanda,

      Thank you, dear friend. I'm glad I could provide you with a laugh. Hope all is well, Yolanda.

      Penny says hi to Patches.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  20. It's just TP for me.

    We call our politicians ass-wipes and a better description could not be found.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Arleen,

      We shall be sending our British political ass-wipes over to you guys.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  21. This post made me laugh my "butt" off. Seriously, this post was hilariously "ass"anine. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Keith,

      I'm liking your play on turds, um words. Hope you didn't literally laugh your butt off. That could pose a problem or poo, or two.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  22. HA! Fun post. I'm glad you got to the bottom of the lantern cleaning mystery. I'll bet your mom wasn't too happy about the dirty tee shirt, though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Susan,

      The lantern cleaning mystery was not one of my more brilliant days. My mother was most puzzled by my greasy t-shirt. I told her all about the new word I learnt. She wasn't amused.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  23. Different meanings of words in all the various locations of spoken English is a constantly fun thing to look at. My most popular posts ever were when I compared British and American English.
    This post reminds me that, in the UK, new apprentices were sent out to buy a tin of Elbow Grease (slang for 'hard work'). Thanks for the laughs!
    CLICK HERE for Bazza’s Blog ‘To Discover Ice’

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi bazza,

      I remember those postings. I certainly wont get my knickers in a twist. It took a bit of elbow grease to get this posting typed. Thank you, bazza.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  24. Lol @ Lou Rawls. I'm sure it was an enjoyable CD. I hesitate to ask anyone for asswipe; they might think I'm trying to start something with them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Medeia,

      I heard the CD was crap :) Yeah, be careful how you use the word, "asswipe."

      Gary :)

      Delete
  25. I will never think of Lou Rawls the same again! "No ifs, and butts, or maybes...!"

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Julie,

      I certainly wont butt in with a comment that bottoms out. Now, Lou Rawls will be a reminder for you.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  26. I'd completely forgotten about Lou Rawls.
    I remember the first time I heard asswipe on a tv show, didn't take too long to figure out what it meant, but that's what she was calling her neighbour. Not the nicest of names but he probably wasn't the nicest of neigbours.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi River,

      I almost forgot loo rolls and that would of been a bad situation :)

      Asswipe, so many connotations. I was thinking it was a compliment :)

      Gary :)

      Delete
  27. I got confused with the Camp Howdy . . . . . .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Rob,

      I get confused just trying to comment with blogger acting up. Howdy to you, my friend.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  28. After reading your post it is no wonder folks that aren't from around here don't like us much. :) Asswipe around here has two definitions and both are slang. An asswipe is A complete moron; someone without a clue. An asswiper is someone who is always kissing the bosses ass.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Gossip_Grl,

      I'm sure everybody that aren't from around your parts loves y'all :) Your definitions are interchangeable in more places than you might of reckoned. Notice no mention of brown-nosing :)

      Gary :)

      Delete
  29. I love this! Asswipe. Never hear of loo rolls but love the mistaken references on all of these! Your musings are always amusing. Ha! Have a wonderful day Gary!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Lisa,

      Thanks for that, Lisa. Musings about the most important of topics :) And a wonderful day to you. Time for me to check out the washroom...

      Gary :)

      Delete
  30. I didn't know that asswipe was loo roll. Live and learn!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi fairyhedgehog,

      Just a vitally important public service announcement, your way :)

      Gary :)

      Delete
  31. Ha ha, love the blog roll/bog roll mix up! Funny, asswipe (a swipe?) must be a Western Canadian thing, I'm sure we don't have it in Montreal...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Deniz,

      Asswipe card, perhaps. Yep, must be all those weird western Canadians. In Montreal, it's "Ass essuyez."

      Gary :)

      Delete
  32. Hahahaha. I needed this chuckle. Loo rolls. Lou Rawls. Asswipe. Toilet paper.

    You gotta love the variation in the English language.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Robin,

      Indeed, all these variations in the English language. I'm very proud that I'm fluid, um fluent, in my knowledge of all things toilet.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  33. You know so many things, Gary. It's inspiring. Some public washrooms you pay for your butt whips. They call it papel culo. Ass paper.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Joylene,

      Yep, a wealth of really important info. You spend a penny to spend a penny. Butt whips? Sounds kinky. Have fun in Mexico and mind those who try to sell time shares.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  34. My friends and I in high school got a big kick out of calling each other asswipes. Ah, memories :)

    Funny camp story!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Ms. CrankyPants,

      Such a perfect blog name you have for this poosting, um posting. Such fun days in high school. During polite moments, we'd call our friends, butt wipes.

      An in tents story :)

      Gary :)

      Delete
  35. Funny, Gary.
    Now the first picture left me wondering. Do they have YMCAs in Vancouver?
    I go to zumba classes at the local one here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Julia,

      Thank you. They have YMCA's in Vancouver. I've seen ads on TV for Zumba. Looks like fun.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  36. *snicker* So funny. I had never heard any of these terms for TP before. Now I feel quite educated. :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Jocelyn,

      Ah yes, now we talk about chocolate bars aka snicker :) TP? Totally Predictable? Oh, Toilet Paper! :) Education has reached new lows.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  37. The Very Best of Loo Rolls - that'll be Andrex extra soft then hahahaha. You've had me laughing twice this evening good sir, and for that I thank you. *chucks a bog roll at his head. :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Michelle,

      I was thinking of including the Andrex puppy. Although wiping your butt with a cute puppy is not a good idea :) Thank you for chucking that blog roll, um bog roll. Thank goodness it wasn't something from the seventies and covered in wax...

      Gary :)

      Delete
  38. Now there's a good blog-hop topic, lol. American slang is so much easier to understand :)

    ......dhole

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Donna,

      A bog blog hop. North American slang. I'm fluent in British and North American slang, cheerio, y'all and eh!

      Gary :)

      Delete
  39. You had me hook, line, and sinker all the way to the end of that post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Linda,

      I'm glad we could reel you in :)

      Gary :)

      Delete
  40. And I thought Americans were dumb. We just call it toilet paper. This is the first time in weeks I've been able to leave a comment. The blogs I visit all get "jittery" and bounce around when I tried to comment.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi lotta joy,

      You are correct in your thoughts about Americans. Blogger has been having issues for weeks. I get the same jittery situation when I comment on your blog and numerous others. This comment format has been completely screwed up.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  41. My goodness! It's all so confusing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Sherry,

      It is indeed. North American goes to a petrol station over here and asks for the "bathroom".

      Gary :)

      Delete
  42. Replies
    1. Hi Carol,

      And so am I now that my raging toothache has gone.

      Gary :)

      Delete
    2. Oh my how confusing. Add all that to the to, too and two and we are all set.

      Delete
    3. Hi Lady Lilith,

      Time to, too think about having a number two.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  43. The mother of a friend of mine is from England (Essex, I believe). She said when she first moved to the U.S. she asked the front-desk person at the hotel to knock her up in the morning. Whereas that was her asking for a wake-up call, knock up here means impregnate.

    The Warrior Muse

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HI Shannon,

      Oh my goodness grief. Did you know that Essex is occupied by folks from another world.....Actually, the British do know these days, what "knocked up" means. And a lady might well be "up the duff." I can imagine the stunned look on that front-desk person's face :) Too funny, Shannon.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  44. This was so funny, and a great way to start the morning. Good thing I didn't mix up the asswipes and the bog roll this morning, eh? And so I shall leave you with this:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYIUFEQeh3g

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Elise,

      A great way to start the morning, eh! :) The asswipes and the blog roll, um bog roll :)

      Ah and the spider joins the Village People. It's fun to stay at the YMCA....

      Gary :)

      Delete
  45. Hi Gary - way too many remembrances here .. we laughed as kids - me almost always encouraging my brothers into hysterics .. it used to upset my poor mother .. she had no control!

    But still in England I have to take 'mental time out' to work out what people are meaning sometimes .. dialects ... and if I travelled into foreign lands such as Wales or Scotland ... I'd be sunk .... hopefully down the toilet! Having just seen a film that would totally amuse and gives a wry sense of humour ... it's Australian too .. "Mary and Max" - it's animated, should you wish to check it out ...

    Cheers from down south .. and I can't put pins in maps - so many won't have an idea where down south is ... Hilary

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Hilary,

      Ah those hysterical days of youth. Just the word poo would and still does, cause me to giggle like an idiot.

      Wales and Scotland, I can handle the dialects and the various references to toilets. I still shudder when I think about a certain public toilet in southern France. I will try to check that film out.

      Ah yes and I be "oop north!"

      Take care, Hilary.

      Gary

      Delete
  46. your humour is a great and rich as the next day after a curry so impressed am I that I can not think of any thing flush to say ...my mother as child used to say feeling flush this week ? then after I hit the age of 50 flush had a whole new meaning. now you have added to the whole theme will we ever get to the bottom of the puns I hope not regards

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Kerrie,

      How lovely to see you again. My alleged humour is like a vindaloo gone real bad the next day :) You are flushed with good stuff. Your mother was maybe hoping that you would have loads of money and you were flushed with success. Show me the money. You have another 30 years before you reach the 50 flush, dear friend.

      No bottom to the buns, um puns.

      Wishing you a lovely weekend, Kerrie.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  47. Is this post a sign that your blog is going down the toilet? Where I come from an "asswipe" is not a thing but a person. One thing you don't want to be is an asswipe.

    Lee
    Wrote By Rote

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Lee,

      My blog has gone to the can, man. Yes it is. Although, where I'm from, somebody might say, "Hey asswipe, buy some asswipe, asswipe!"

      Nice to see you. Time to visit you and have a chat about the alphabet.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  48. Love your photo of Penny above!

    Btw, Can I be on your Bog Roll?!!! Xxx

    ReplyDelete
  49. Hi Kim,

    Thanks and did you like the posting?

    You are on my blog roll. Penny wonders why she isn't included in your list of blogs you follow on your intro page :)

    Be well and keep smiling, Kim.

    Gary :) x

    ReplyDelete
  50. Hilarious! It cracks me up thinking about the different phrases used in different places. It is easy to have a misunderstanding and these were priceless. :)
    ~Jess

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Jess,

      Totally lost in translation. Thankfully, I am now fluent in North American and British.

      Gary :)

      Delete

I do try to comment back to each commenter individually. However, I might have to shorten my replies or give a group thank you. That way, I can spend more time commenting on your blogs. Thank you and peace, my friend.