Friday, 1 February 2013

I Cannot Go Back There.

I'm not a well man.  I have mental and physical issues to contend with.  Like so many, I'm now experiencing the hell the British government is imposing on the sick, the poor, the vulnerable, the disabled.  All in the name of cost cutting while the incompetent fortunate smirk at the plight of the impoverished.  Many now live in fear, fear of keeping their houses warm, fear that they might not have enough to eat.  Scared to the point of hysterical panic that they might lose their homes.  Many are now living in fear of what tomorrow brings.  I am one of them.

In between my visits as a hospital outpatient over my medical problems, I'm now being summoned for the dreaded medical assessment that has wreaked havoc with so many desperate, frightened souls.  Several people have been deemed fit to work, when in reality, they are not.  If I am deemed fit to work, it will destroy me.  Workplace bullying in various jobs, both paid and voluntary, have left me in a state of deep despair.  

And the ripple effects of all of this?  My son, my beloved son, who through this economic mess, cannot find meaningful employment.  He continues on with his drawn out process of enlisting with the British Navy.  In the meantime, my young man cannot sleep properly, he is sad and it's breaking my heart.  My mother, my family in British Columbia, are worried sick over what's happening to me and my boy.  I do my best, with their support, to see a positive aspect to all of this.  

It's so exhausting.  I'm barely able to write a posting.  I'm barely able to interact within this supportive, caring blogging community.  My transparency, my verbalisation are important.  In my world, the truth is I struggle to sleep and I'm often still awake around ten in the morning.  Finally, I drift off and wake up in a panic about four in the afternoon.  I was starting to get better and then this government and its inhumane policies brought it all back with a vengeance.

Maybe my medical assessment will be okay.  I have to cling onto that thought.  I cannot go back there.  Back to that dark, foreboding place where I was so ill, the only comfort was the sound of a whirring fan by my bedside.  A fan that played the music of a man losing his sanity.  What has this world come to when they dredge up the past, the past I tried to move on from.  

No matter what, I have to, I must not let the evil bombard my right to a peaceful, positive life. With your help and caring, with my family's support, with the focus that I need to maintain a healthy environment for my son and for Penny, our beautiful dog, I will keep going.  
I'm a teardrop of the shining orb
Which has a message I must absorb
A glowing tear
Beyond the fear.

93 comments:

  1. Gary, I will pray for you and for Tristan. Do not lose hope. Hold it fast.

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    1. Hi Alex,

      Your prayers are greatly appreciated. My focus is on getting through this for the sake of my son and all concerned. Thank you, my friend.

      In kindness,

      Gary

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  2. Hopefully all goes your way, as having any health crap is not fun, been fighting it for a year almost here. And yeah the rich idiots on their high horse don't give a crap, they just sit there and keep filling their pockets, ain't easy but must push on I suppose.

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    1. Hi Pat,

      Thank you, kind sir. And on top of the stress one can have from being ill, they add extra stress that is totally outrageous. Over here, "austerity" means, the poor pay for the mistakes of the incompetent fortunate. I keep moving on and may your health problems soon be of less concern. Thank you, my friend.

      In kindness,

      Gary

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  3. Oh, sweet Gary, it saddens me that you and your family are going through challenging times and emotions. I wish nothing but the best for you. Hold on to that beautiful strength of yours and believe as I do, that you will not go back to that place.

    Madison

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    1. Hi Madison,

      I'm grateful for your words. In my personal world, I have to take on all the burden of trying to keep myself and my son focused on the positive pathway. Every time it gets sabotaged, I somehow find a way. The strength and comfort I receive from your dear self and others, is immeasurable. Thank you, dear Madison.

      In kindness and hope,

      Gary

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  4. Gary, I feel for you so, so much. I know, from my own experience here, the dread you feel, I'm lucky to have a partner now who can look after me and won't lose my home, but this is all relatively new to me, only a few years ago I was tested again and again until I culd pretty much bear it no more. Will you be going to the assessment with someone from Mind? In Manchester we have HARP, which has just changed to Mind, and if you have mental health issues, they will be your advocate and help you through it. You like as not know all this, but I'm trying to think of anything I can do to help. Also, whatever you do, don't go to the assessment, say you have to have it at home because of your mental and physical problems, being able to travel to the stupid assessment often means points against you straight away. I dearly hope it goes in your favour, its sad to know that we have to be brought to our knees to show we are already there. Thinking of you, your son, and the light in your life that is Penny, with love, Michelle xxx

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    1. Dear Michelle,

      I know how you empathise with my plight and you have been of vital support via our positive, caring interaction. Thankfully, I do have Penny to look after me. In my reality, I'm a very scared and virtual recluse. Many environmental factors made me this way and I fight with all my resilience to try not let this unjust stress, overwhelm me.

      I'm desperately trying to now get somebody to attend my assessment. The mental health charity I worked for, whose name I wont mention, are of no help and actually reinforced my mental health issues with the despicable way they treated me. I'm in liaison, via my GP, to try and get somebody from the North Staffordshire Well Being Service, to help represent me.

      I have to go to my doctor to get a confirmation letter that he thinks I should get a home visit. Even then, they expect me to wait five days after that, phone them at my expense on a different number, to find out if I'm entitled to a home visit. Of course, being clever, they have left me little time to get it all sorted. And they figure if I can go to my doctor's, than I can go to an assessment, along with all my outpatient treatment at the hospital. It's a right mess. This evil government knows there are no jobs out there. However, slap sick people on JSA and save money on the benefits they have to pay out.

      I'm profoundly grateful for your encouragement and help. And you know I'm here for you, dear lady.

      In kindness and hopeful wishes,

      Gary :) xx

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  5. Oh, Gary, you've broken my heart. I wish I could help you in some small way, ease your worry and distress, your pain & torment, and that of your son, as well. I don't understand the policies of your government, but I do understand your fear. I experience the same within the limitations of our policies. I will pray for you and your child, that your assessment goes as you wish, that you are left in peace & can acquire the assistance you need. Just know this, you are not alone. We care about you. If I could, I'd wrap my arms around you & help you feel better. Know that in my prayers, I am doing just that.

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    1. Dear Nancy,

      Just leaving your comment of support and warmth is embraced with abundant gratitude. The policies that cause fear and unsettle the well being of those just trying to get on with their lives, seems to be a worldwide crisis. Many of us here are horrified by the policies of a government that targets the unfortunate and rewards the incompetence of those who got us into this mess.

      Thank you so very much for your prayers and virtual hugs. It means the world to me. And a positive hug to you, dear lady.

      In kindness and goodwill,

      Gary

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  6. So sad that you are feeling this level of despair, Gary. Keep reaching out to those who care about you. Don't give in.

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    1. Hi Ian,

      Just to verbalise this and the support of decent folks like you, inspires me to carry on, no matter what. It's times like these I feel I need to be back home in BC.

      Thank you, my good friend.

      With respect and wishing you and your loved ones, a peaceful weekend,

      Gary

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  7. Sounds like All Consuming has some solid advice to offer. I'm so sorry you have to go through all this. All hopes and prayers are going out for you to find a positive outcome.

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    1. Dear Delores,

      All Consuming's advice has been of great value and we both know of this horrendous experience. I've been through all this before and I don't know how much more I can take. Bless you for your hopes and prayers. You are a dear friend.

      With kind wishes and have a lovely weekend,

      Gary

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  8. So many are feeling your pain.

    Our hearts go out to you, Gary. Do not concentrate on the worst case scenerio. There is just as much chance that things will work out for you. Concentrate on the positive, know you will be OK.

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    1. Hi Arleen,

      Indeed and through the therapy that is writing and your support, I'm getting cleansed and renewed. I always try to avoid negative speculation and no matter what happens, I focus on the positive possibilities that may come of this. Thank you, Arleen.

      A peaceful, positive weekend to you, my dear friend.

      Gary

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  9. I know, Gary, some of what you're experiencing. I'm glad I don't have a child in the same boat to add more fear on top of my horror. I keep getting passed around for an oral biopsy to rule out cancer. I have to tell myself it will be okay, because we have no dental insurance and an operation for oral cancer would kill me off in more ways than one.

    Even though I have a wonderful husband, I can't keep unloading my fears on him. So, if not for my blogging community and my Beau, I'd be lost.

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    1. Dear lotta joy,

      And in your own personal way, you can sense the fears, the stress, the anxiety your situation has caused you. One blessing we have in this country, for now, at least, is that we don't have to worry about the cost of trying to be healthy.

      In my world, I have to take it on mostly by myself. Like you, I don't want to stress out those who are nearest and dearest. Indeed, I understand, with this blogging community and the love of Penny and my focusing on the well being of my son, I too would be lost, probably gone.

      Thank you, lotta joy.

      May your weekend be a peaceful, positive time.

      Gary

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  10. Dear Penny,
    Your human is suffering a great deal and My Vickie and I are very worried. You must be his smile for a while, his hope for the future, his stalwart friend and confidant.

    We will keep all three of you in our prayers.
    Much Love
    Bert

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    1. Dear Bert and Vickie,

      Right now, Penny is all snuggled up on her favourite blanket. I am reassured by her love and comfort. Without her, I'd be at a total loss. She makes me smile.

      I embrace and Penny embraces your thoughtful prayers. Thank you, Bert and Vickie.

      With love and warm wishes for a peaceful weekend,

      Gary

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  11. Gary, you are such a sweetheart and it pains me too, to see you with such anguish. In my younger years, I was a psychiatric nurse and I know mental suffering can outweigh the physical hurt. I wish I were closer, perhaps I could be of some small help to you. What you experience with the government, we here, will soon know that too. I am so saddened because most people in the US are asleep and when I say bad times are coming, they look at me with owl eyes and I can tell they don't believe me. I hope you can get a grip and hold on. A friend of mine can do long-distance pranic healing. She is doing some work for me (long distance) on Monday. I'm going to call her and include you. Is that OK?

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    1. Dear Manzanita,

      Your words are very kind and I absorb the resonance of your thoughtful words. I'm a qualified mental health counsellor and I heartily concur with what you allude to. Indeed, as you will know, mental and physical well being are closely intertwined. And I know that your nation will have some form of the experience that is being thrust upon the beleaguered masses in this shattered land.

      By all means and I'm truly grateful you would ask your friend to include me in the long-distance pranic healing. Very kind and caring of you. Thank you, Manzanita. May your weekend be of peace and warm ambience.

      In kindness and goodwill, your way,

      Gary

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    2. Dear Gary, I talked to my friend last night and she said she would be happy to include you in a pranic healing. She said she would need your permission but I told her I had asked you and would see if you responded and you did. Thank you. All she needs is your name and where you live. I told her London. Is that right?
      My friend is Marilyn and we've been best friends for 50 plus years with never any bad feeling between us. She is dear and her mission in life is to help others. She helps keep my "organ's" running with healings.
      I hope you find a restful weekend.
      Love from Manzanita

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    3. Dear Manzanita,

      I thank you and your dear friend for doing this. I live in Leek, Staffordshire, England and my name is Gary :)

      Marilyn, and caring folks such as you, are what reinforce my belief that there is much good in this world to counteract the dark forces that try to undermine our rights to a peaceful, positive life. You are both remarkable people and please pass on my gratitude to Marilyn. And my gratitude for your kindness is deeply poignant and profound.

      May the rest of your weekend be a time of joy and wonder.

      Love and many thanks to the both of you.

      With respect and peace, your way,

      Gary

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  12. Gary,
    I would love to say that all will be alright, but all is not right with the world. Yet, even in these times were some things may seem hopeless, do not fear, for hope is ever present, even in the darkest of places. It is that tiniest of lights that twinkles in the distance, calling to you to reach out and hold to it tightly, come whatever may.

    Presently dreading the future or near future can cause much more pain, worry and fret than may be needed. Hold to the hope. Let light be your guide in the midst of these troubling times. I will pray for you and your son and Penny and for your mind and physical well being. I can't not speak on what you've gone through, but please know that you are not alone :-)

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    1. Dear Angela,

      Thank you, my good friend, for your inspiring words. And as you state, I do indeed, look for the hopeful in what can seem hopeless. The flickering flame of positivity will never be extinguished.

      I have done a number of postings on living life with realistic, positive anticipation, rather than, negative speculation. Motivation is found in the darkest of times and through my therapy of the written word and through your kindness and concern, I continue along, undaunted. I'm grateful for your prayers, Angela. They are cherished. As I said when I stayed up all day online on Christmas Day for those who may be lonely, may just need a chat, we need never be alone and your words resonate with that ethos. Thank you, Angela.

      May you have a peaceful weekend.

      Gary

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  13. Oh Gary, hurting for you, hurting with you. If my wishes have any power at all, the medical assessment will NOT find you fit for work, and will give you the security you so desperately need. Sending hope, sending hugs.

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    1. Dear Elephant's Child,

      You are truly a dear friend. I wish I was fit for work. I, as you will understand, didn't want to be this way. And thus, I thank you so very much for your hopeful wishes that my assessment rightfully goes in my favour. Your hopes and hugs are warmly received. Thank you.

      May your weekend be most peaceful.

      Gary

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  14. Gary, even though we've just recently met via the blogging community, it breaks my heart to see how much you are suffering and how unjust the system is where you live. If possible, reach out to people who can help you get the assessment you need, people who know how the system works. I hope you find some comfort knowing that people truly care about you, pray for you, and want to see you get through this dark time. I'm sending you much positive vibes your way, for you, your son and for Penny. Hold on, Gary. Hold on.

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    1. Dear Elise,

      My kind friend, many thanks for your comforting words. In these times of "austerity", the British government is targeting the vulnerable for the mistakes of the incompetent fortunate. I know how the system works and I've been through this before. This time, however, we are up against a private company that the government is getting to deliberately get those who are not fit enough to work, back to find jobs that don't exist.

      I find much comfort that I receive from the sharing, caring blogging community. And such a delight to have recently made your acquaintance. I truly appreciate your prayers and positive vibes for the three of us. Bless you and have a wonderful weekend.

      Gary

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  15. Hello Gary:
    We cannot possibly understand what torments you are going through, that we do know. But, we are here, we are listening, you are in our thoughts and prayers and we are hoping that through the communications we have and, certainly on our part, very much enjoy, that you will come through all of this in a stronger frame of mind and with the security that you need to live life as you are happiest.

    Life, of course, is unfair but you have battled through many difficulties before and you will do this successfully again. For you do have the support of your friends both real and virtual and your family to help you. It is important that you do not stay silent and reach out, we all want to see signs that you are still with us and that we can return the same fighting spirit.He who dares wins!!!

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    1. Dear Jane and Lance,

      Your listening, your thoughts and prayers are cherished gifts. The good natured, positive banter we share between our sites inspires me to continue to seek all that is good in life. I had a good life, I had a comfortable life with all the perks. Little did I know that through the circumstances of my illness, that I was deemed fit to be punished for it.

      I reach out and I gratefully embrace the support and kindness of my friends, virtual and those beyond my screen. My family, so far away and yet so close. I believe by expressing my concerns that I can also try to be of comfort for somebody going through a similar awful situation. Resilient and determined, we fight on!

      Bless you both and have a joyous weekend.

      With respect and goodwill,

      Gary

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  16. Gary hold on in there we are all behind you. Write when you can , take care and warm, I know what the British Government is like being British myself. Hope Penny is ok.
    Yvonne.

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    1. Dear Yvonne,

      Understanding that the community is behind me, that we all tackle the adversity and will not let such negativity win, is cause for poignant celebration. May we see this "green and pleasant land" move on from this madness we endure. I thank you and Penny is blissfully asleep.

      Peace be with you and have a wonderful, warm weekend.

      In kindness,

      Gary

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  17. Dear Gary ... my thoughts are with you - and your Vancouver family must be extremely anxious for you ... at least you are writing and verbalising your thoughts - don't stop ... we would be very worried too.

    We can feel the pain you're experiencing through the blog posts ... and I hope others can 'see' that too ...

    Let's hope the assessment will have a positive outcome .. and that those tests at the hospital will give you relief - while Tristan must be worried about so much and understanding less than we do with some years of life behind us ..

    I can only say do the things that help you and switch yourselves off from the things that niggle, irritate and hurt ...

    With many many thoughts ... Hilary

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    1. Dear Hilary,

      I am deeply grateful for your caring thoughts, Hilary. My family in Vancouver are deeply concerned. Thankfully, they will know that I have a determined spirit. My writing is my therapeutic resource and as we both realise, a powerful tool to convey a message. Just a struggle to write with so many negative distractions. Yet, I somehow do it.

      I know that you, that others can sense this pain I'm feeling. And through this pain, we hope we can help others get through their troubled times.

      The assessment is a worry because of how they do them. However, we just have to wait and think of a positive outcome. The hospital tests are ongoing and that really needs to be sorted out. And between hospital visits, I have to go for a medical assessment that tries to disprove that I'm ill. Unbelievable.

      I'm doing my best to find positive distractions to take my mind off it all. Not easy, but I will do my best. Thank you for your kind thoughts.

      Have a lovely weekend, stay warm and thank you for the email to which I shall duly reply.

      In kindness and goodwill,

      Gary

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  18. More than ever, people are struggling to find work, to find decent homes, to find enough food to feed the family and the list is endless. The government is clamping down on the benefits system and although there are some that do abuse it, it seems to be affecting those that have a genuine right to it. I am sad by what you have said because I have had my own experiences to contend with.

    As for the medical assessments make sure you don't play down your actual illnesses/disabilites. I say this because the assessors watch for everything. As a wild example, If you state you can't use your hands properly and/or you get pain holding things, then when they offer you a cup of tea or water to drink, you might need to tell them exactly what you need to do to hold that cup and what pain you are in whilst doing so. I say this because people naturally will try their best not to make a fuss, and will go overboard not to spill the tea/water BUT to the assessor it looks as if you're not having any problems at all, so you can see why if certain people are deemed fit when they are not. The same applies for assessments at home. Let them see you as you really are.

    It's also a good idea to have a friend who knows about your illnesses or a professional person with you.

    I know how hard it is right now and it's easy to say be positive when your mind is still thinking. Try to keep yourself occupied doing something that you, your son and Penny might enjoy. Don't let your blogging slip, as it's a good way to keep up communication with everyone, and I can see that people are really supporting you here.

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    1. Hi Rum-Punch Drunk,

      Indeed, the list goes on. Teachers feeding children who don't have enough to eat. An ill thought out "bedroom tax" that will cause misery and upheaval to the plight of the already desperate and disillusioned. Of course, we are both very cognizant of those who abuse the system. Now, they are going after everybody, regardless of the genuine need. We both know it's a cost cutting strategy to get people of disability benefits and get them onto JSA which pays out quite a lot less. Then leave somebody very ill, to look for jobs that aren't there. And even if there were jobs, what chance does someone who is actually ill, have of getting the job.

      My friend, I went through this before when I was taken off incapacity benefit, way back when. The assessor actually lied and wrote down opposite stuff to what I said. I proved, beyond any doubt, at a tribunal, that I was not well enough to work. Hopefully, we wont get to the appeal process. No, in my form that I sent off, I described everything when my illness is at its worst. I know all about their sneaky tricks. Here's another one to know about. They can ask you if you watch TV. You might say, for instance, that you watch Coronation Street. That would be wrong to say you sit through the entire show when you have told them you cannot sit in one spot comfortably for more than ten minutes. They will see the truth. Let's hope the truth actually means something.

      I'm trying to get a healthcare professional with with me.

      Indeed, it's difficult and when you are ill, as you will understand, such added unfair stress makes the anxiety even more noticeable. Positive resources and distractions are indeed vital and blogging is a most therapeutic, sharing exercise.

      My good friend, your added advice is greatly received. You speak a lot of sense and I shall reinforce your wise words when the day arrives. I get much strength from this blogging community. I'm extremely grateful for your most articulate, comprehensive comment. Thank you.

      With respect and hope, your way,

      Gary

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  19. Sorry that you're going through this Gary. You have helped so many people, and I hope that the positive outpouring of support from your and Penny's biggest fans will be helpful to you. You are a wonderful person, and your health and physical well being need to come first. Your sleep deprivation only adds to this ongoing stress. I wish you, your son, and Penny all the best. I have faith that you will come out of this even stronger.
    Julie

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    1. Dear Julie,

      Thank you, Julie. I've always strived to be there for others and try to bring some comfort. The positive outpouring in regards to my reality, has been truly profound and inspiring. I'm trying to getting more sleep, but the anxiety of an uncertain future, my trying to maintain the well being of my son, is almost too much to bear. Somehow, I reach within and I reach without, to find the strength to carry on. You are a kind, decent lady and your concern and well wishes, resonates within your comment. Thank you, Julie.

      May you have a peaceful weekend.

      In kindness and goodwill,

      Gary

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  20. I have everything - every bendable bit of my body! - crossed for you and your boy. I hope hope hope this medical assessment won't be so traumatic for you and I hope and pray for an outcome favourable to you.

    Take care
    x

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    1. Dear Old Kitty,

      Your bending and crossing with such hopeful wishes, is gratefully received. Thank you for wishing that my medical assessment will result in a favourable outcome.

      May you, Charlie and Gumtree, have a peaceful weekend.

      In kindness and good wishes, your way,

      Gary

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  21. Thoughts and prayers going out to you Gary. Your blogging is here for you!

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    1. Hi Keith,

      Thank you, good sir, for those thoughts and prayers The therapy that is blogging and the community we are all apart, brings strength, hope and inspiration. Thank you, Keith.

      With respect and gratitude,

      Gary

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  22. I will keep my fingers crossed that you fail your medical assessment with flying colors.

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    1. Hi PT,

      Although I don't wish to be ill, I know it would be an outrage if they deemed me fit for work. Thank you, my good friend.

      Have a great weekend.

      With respect and kind wishes,

      Gary

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  23. Hope all goes well, Gary - sending you positive thoughts x

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    1. Hi Teresa,

      Your positive thoughts for a fair and correct outcome, are warmly welcomed.

      Wishing you a peaceful and happy weekend.

      With kindness and respect,

      Gary

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  24. Gary, I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers my friend!

    Hang in there, it will work out.

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    1. Hi Mark,

      My friend, I'm most grateful for your thoughts and prayers.

      I shall hang in there and focus on a positive outcome. Thank you, Mark.

      May you have a peaceful weekend.

      With kindness and good wishes,

      Gary

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  25. Gary, thanks for your comment which is much appreciated.
    I don't know what has happened with my icon, but I have been trying to get my music back on my blog whether anything happened has confused me also.
    Will look into it,.Take care, and warm.
    Yvonne,

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  26. Gary, there were a few of my friends icons missing, I have in the past had alot of trouble with google so whether they decided to play tricks today I don't know, I have rectified the problem.

    Thanks for drawing it to my attention.
    Yvonne.

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    1. Hi Yvonne,

      My pleasure to leave a comment on your site. And I can most certainly see why that poem won an award. I'm relieved you have got the situation sorted out on your site and we are all back on your blog with our icons. And now, I see you back on mine. I was getting quite worried. Thank goodness everything is okay now. Thanks for that, Yvonne.

      And yes, please have a peaceful weekend.

      In kindness, your way,

      Gary

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  27. Gary I am so sorry you are going through so much hell. Praying that all turns out well, you and your son are in my thoughts and prayers

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    1. Dear Caren,

      Oh yes, it's a living hell. Thankfully, the hell is more bearable thanks to your kindness, your thoughts, your prayers for my son and I. Thank you, Caren.

      Wishing you a lovely weekend.

      In hope and happy thoughts, your way,

      Gary

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  28. Hi Gary,

    As your friend for all these years, in blogging, emails, facebook and so on, I am truly sorry for the hell your government has dropped on you. I know you've been going through a really fragile time, fretting, with good reason, over your son's unemployment and his enlistment in the Navy. You know yourself better than anyone else if you were to be suddenly thrown into the workplace in how you would react and suffer.

    No matter what happens, know that you have me and the rest of the blogging community to support as much as they could. With the abuse you've suffered and still ripples through you like ghosts from the past, I can empathize with your anxiety over this. If I were forced to go back to work and not have my SS Disability to rely on, I would not just be physical mess but an emotional one, as well.

    Gary, it almost sounds, with the feeling behind your weighted soul and words, as if you you believe there's a good possibility that you will pass the medical assessment your government is imposing and oppressing you with and you'll be forced to go back to work. You said you've seen too many others suffer from these assessments and being in situations where they can't afford food or shelter.

    My point is, is there is still hope. In several ways, there is hope:
    One, you may be deemed, by how you answer or act, to convince them you aren't capable of working. Two, if you do have to go back to work, you may want to explain to everyone you have a pre-existing condition where you are prone to bouts of depression and anxiety. Or three, if you able to do so, move somewhere else, with Tristan, tow. If none of this can work, just know we're all wishing you well. I hope they claim you can't work, my friend. Take care, Gary

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    1. Hi Kelly,

      I greatly appreciate your kind, caring and supportive words, Kelly. The interaction we share has been a most positive distraction for me and I believe, for you. This is the most evil British government I've ever known. And many here in Britain would back me up on this. It's been an awful time to endure. I worry about my son, his future and his state of mind through his ongoing attempts to get meaningful work. The Navy enlistment is a slow process. At least it gives him something to focus on for a hopefully better future.

      This is the situation. If you living here, you would be forced to fill out forms proving your illness. If they weren't satisfied, even with confirmation from your doctor, they can force you to have a medical assessment by a private company that is obliged to find ill people not really fit for work, fit for work. This is what I'm up against. If they go against me, despite the fact I'm very ill, I would have my benefits taken away and would be expected to find a job that doesn't exist. I'm in a right state over this. As you can well imagine.

      I'm trying to remain optimistic that I will get the correct result at my assessment. If not, I then go through the hell of appealing. I've done that all before. I won before, but it was hell getting back my entitlement. Yes, the plight of so many in the country can be found readily available on the internet. You would not believe the horror many are going through, losing their homes and unable to properly feed their children. It's a disgrace in this beleaguered land.

      It doesn't matter. The thing is, even though an employer would be cognizant of my condition and wouldn't hire me anyway, I would have to try to live on what they call "Jobseekers Allowance". All told, if they do what they are trying to do, my benefits could drop by as much as 70%. In other words, they no there are no jobs. Just a way of vastly reducing the benefits that the sick are entitled to.

      I'm grateful for your input and suggestions. I'm thankful that you and this great community are here for me as I am there for them. No matter what, they cannot kill my spirit.

      Thank you, Kelly. Hope you have a peaceful Sunday and stay warm.

      Gary

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  29. Oh, Gary! Hold steady, and hold on! God will find a way, even when there seems to be no way...
    That's from a song that I clutched in my head when recovering from serious migraine/brain episodes. God WILL find a way for you.
    Praying for you, your son, and all those who are being dragged through the NIH system.

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    1. Hi Susan,

      I hold steady, dear friend, I cling on. I believe that out of the bad reveals the good.

      And through your pain, you felt the way and God guided you to see the moments after the pain.

      Your prayers for us are warmly received, Susan. The work of those who would undermine, shall never kill all that is good in the human spirit. Bless you, Susan.

      May you have a joyous day.

      In kindness and goodwill,

      Gary

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  30. Dear Gary, It's 9:00 pm here in the U.S. NYC, and I just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you. I continue to hope and pray that your troubles lessen as well as only good fortune to come your and your families way. The reason why I mention my time and place is because I find it amazing how someone you never met and is oceans away can leave a heart warming impression on another by having similar challenges, hopes and dreams.
    I hope you sleep well and know that you have the support, understanding from me and so many others who are close by you and far away. 

    Madison:-)   

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    Replies
    1. Dear Madison,

      As of my replying, it's three in the morning and I try to stay calm and not let those who would sabotage my right to a peaceful, positive life get the better of me, of you, of all of us who are trying to cope as best we can.

      We are not of distance but of a shared hope beyond our computer screens that sends out hopeful waves of electronic friendship that knows no boundaries. We are both touched by the gifts we share, the powerful gifts of understanding, of empathy.

      Madison, you are a treasure, I know, I embrace the support of your kind self and all those within our incredible community. And with this, we also reduce the stigma that's still surrounds mental health issues. This is indeed a positive out of a situation that has seemed so overwhelming. You, my friend, a voice for the good, the fair and a voice for all those who celebrate diversity and not dismiss it.

      Bless you, Madison. And may I find sleep, of dreams of a world where we live together, side by side, in unconditional, non-judgemental love. And when it arrives, peaceful dreams to you, my dear friend.

      With admiration, determination and hope, your way,

      Gary :)

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  31. Hi Gary,
    I feel for you, pal. Unfortunately, this government seems hell bent on making things very difficult for those at the poor end of the economic scale. One can only hope that something will change soon, and those in vulnerable situations will no longer find themselves under attack. I really don't know what else to say, Gare, other than that I hope all the support you get via this blog helps you through this difficult time, and always remember that I'm only a phone call away.
    Very Best Wishes,
    David.

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    Replies
    1. Hi David,

      I know how much you relate to this and you understand how very real my anxiety is. For you, my friend, just went through that awful uncertainty as you are vulnerable and the undue stress it caused you, outrages me. I have been commenting and contributing to a number of Facebook political sites and the response to my take on it all, has been nothing short of overwhelming. There are a lot of scared, angry people out there. And it's not just the most unfortunate anymore. A huge mistake by this government. Your support and our chats are of huge help to me. And I hope that our shared interaction continues to be of help to each other. Talk to you soon, David.

      In kindness and hope,

      Gary

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  32. All these blogging friends say the same thing, we want to make it all better for you. We want a good result, but we're confused as to how to make that a reality.

    But what if a collective belief that you'll survive this horrible ordeal can make the difference? What if we all simply believe you'll not only survive but come through stronger? What if together we can make that happen?

    That's what I'm choosing to believe. I'm not a psychic or a healer, but I can tell you that when I set my mind to something, I never fail. Ever. So, I'm setting my mind to believe that you will win, thereby cementing your success.

    Some say the universe isn't against us. If that's true, then I want to prove that with your life and your situation. Believe, that's what I'm choosing to do.

    Praying too~!

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    1. Dear Joylene,

      All my blogging friends such as your kind self, just by being here, sending me good thoughts and prayers, alters the sheer desperation of this, to one of rejuvenated inspiration. It may not stop an inevitable occurrence. Yet it gives me the strength to carry on, proud, free and undaunted.

      And thus, dear friend, a collective belief, for me, for all of us, can produce wondrous results. And even if the result of my assessment goes against me, the collective belief reveals that I will take such a negative and it will transform itself into a positive that I dare imagine. It will make my writing show more passion than ever before.

      I think we are all of the universe. And the power of belief in all that is good will diminish and take away the negative energy of all that is bad. I treasure your words, Joylene. I choose to believe in what you believe.

      Thank you, Joylene.

      In kindness and admiration, your way,

      Gary

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  33. I like to think that this whole process is to sort out the people claiming fraudulently, and the people in real need will be left alone - but the more I see of politicians the more I think that actually they're all the same, whichever political party they claim to be from. I hope everything goes well for you and your son!

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    Replies
    1. Dear Annalisa,

      I share that hope. Indeed, those who are fraudulent should be made accountable. Sadly, the reality is that everybody claiming benefits is under suppressive scrutiny. There are many too sick to work who have been deemed fit for work. All in the name of cost cutting where the unfortunate pay for the mistakes of those incompetent fortunate. I know that each party may seem to be all the same. However, I never went through this under the previous government. They left me alone and let me get on with my important volunteer work in the mental health field. Now, I'm too stressed to even do that. I thank you, my friend, for your supportive words for my son and I.

      In peace and good wishes,

      Gary

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  34. Gary,

    This is the kind of reality that those 'with' have no desire to see, or know, but how they blindly ignore it escapes me, and any other human with compassion. I am so sorry for your situation. I know the horror of being ill, but wanting, so wanting not to be -- and then the added struggle of needing, proving the need -- when not wanting to need -- such a vicious circle made horribly worse by bureaucracy with no compassion/empathy or understand -- deplorable, just deplorable!
    Wishing you blessings, many, many blessings!

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    Replies
    1. Dear Yolanda,

      And there are those who smugly dismiss the plight of the vulnerable as not their problem. How they would cope with this, I do not know. It would certainly make them aware of the reality. Compassion is an alien concept to those who are driven by greed and indifference. Yes, the horror of being ill. One does not choose to be ill. I would love to be well enough to work, to contribute to society in such a way. The vicious circle tries to suffocate with austere measures that target the poor to pay for the mistakes of those who caused this mess. Deplorable is an appropriate adjective!

      Your blessings are warmly embraced. Thank you, Yolanda.

      In peace and hope,

      Gary

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  35. I'm with Joylene - the power of prayer, the power of positive thinking -- the future belongs to you and your son. And Penny :)
    Hang in there, we're moving you forward!!

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    Replies
    1. Dear Kim,

      Joylene speaks wisdom and inspiration. And dear friend, you speak of prayer and positive thinking. This I grab with open arms. Determination, resilience and the support of you and so many others, is a powerful force to overcome my family being overwhelmed with the outrage of negative evil.

      I will move forward, Kim. Please remember, I share your dream of starting that new adventure in your life that will be rightfully yours. Bless you, Kim.

      Peaceful, positive thoughts, your way,

      Gary

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  36. "Things going wrong, so wrong with you,it hurts me too"
    Too sad to say much more Gary, I can't find the words I want....

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    Replies
    1. Hi bazza,

      My good friend, and through the hurt you sense, I draw a resilient strength that will see me and my family through this horrible time.

      Your compassion is a gift I treasure. Thank you, kind sir.

      In peace and soothing wishes, your way,

      Gary

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  37. Gary, we'll get through this too. We're all here for ya, kiddo. If shit really comes to shove you're always welcome here. Hang in there, dear man.
    Hugs and comfort,
    Laura
    x

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    Replies
    1. Dear Laura,

      My lovely friend, we are both going through some challenging times. What you have endured and yet shall overcome, is inspiration to a man who needs such resilience to realise that I can also make it. Hey kiddo, I'm here for you also. I'm hanging in and hey, keep Lemmy there. I want to talk to him about when he's coming back to gig in his home town of Stoke on Trent :)

      Be well, Laura. Thank you for the hugs and comfort. And here's a comforting hug, back atcha' :)

      Gary
      x

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  38. Hi Y'all!

    Oh dear Penny I know you are doing everything possible to help the beloved ones in your life through this darkness and back into the light. My paws are crossed that you are successful. My Human is keeping y'all in her prayers...hoping you will all be safe in these tumultuous times.

    Hawk aka BrownDog

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Howdy Hawk,

      Penny is having another well earned nap. I thank you and she would thank you for your thoughts for her beloved human family. Please tell your human we are deeply grateful for her prayers.
      Time to make this world a better place. And wonderful dogs like you can teach those nasty humans a lesson about unconditional love. Thank you, Hawk.

      Penny's human, Gary :)

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  39. Damn, 77 comments prior to mine! You've got problems, my friend, but if Internet support helps, then you've sure got a lot of help coming your way. Let's just hope that assessment goes well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Snowbrush,

      I'm encouraged and inspired by all this support. I'm most thankful for your support and kind wishes. Peace be with you, my friend.

      In kindness and good wishes,

      Gary

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  40. Hi Gary,
    I am thinking of you and your son. Every time I see another barbaric act of governing on the television I think of those who are affected, yourself included and remember the stinking piece of bile that has come out of the millionaires mouths 'we are all in this together'. As people struggle to have any form of life, the likes of Osbourne and Cameron live the life of riley, choosing to forget those 99% of us who weren't born into privilege. Their policies protect the few and ruin the majority, but then, are any of the others any better?!
    If I can help in any way, I am here for you my friend and so are a lot of others!
    In Peace,
    J
    Follow me at HEDGELAND TALES

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    Replies
    1. Hi John,

      Thank you for your thoughts for my son and I. We both share our despising of the evil that looks after the fortunate and targets those who are going through this outrageous and unjust torment. And yes, "The Big Society". The society where Cameron and Clegg and the rest of those immoral idiots wreak havoc on those less privileged. Yes, all parties are fairly similar. I do know, however, that under the previous government I was left alone and I was doing worthy volunteer work. I'm now too ill to even do that.

      Your hopeful thoughts are welcomed. I know you are experiencing the curse of this economy. John, I'm here for you in the world where we really are all in this together.

      Peace and hope,

      Gary.

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  41. I think it's all been said
    Suffice to add
    " chin up boyyo!"

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    Replies
    1. Hi John Gray,

      Thank you for that. I shall keep my head high and my chin up. Take very good care, kind sir.

      Gary

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  42. I hope the testing goes as it needs to go, and I'm sorry to hear you are suffering so much. You, your son and Penny will be in my thoughts, with as much positive energy as I can send your way.

    Shannon at The Warrior Muse

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    Replies
    1. Dear Shannon,

      Thank you for your kind thoughts, dear friend. I'm doing my best to cope with, rather than suffer from this. Not easy, but the support and the positive energy towards my son, Penny and I, are gratefully received. Thank you, Shannon.

      In peace and good wishes,

      Gary

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  43. Please tell your son not to give up hope. You are in my thoughts, good sir. And if there's something I can do to help your family, let me know what it is, and I shall try.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Michael,

      I will tell my son and I always try to reinforce the fact it isn't his fault. I'm grateful for your thoughts and just knowing you are around for my family is a very positive gift.

      Thank you, Michael,

      In kindness and peaceful wishes,

      Gary

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  44. Lily Tequila3 February 2013 22:53
    Cheering to see all these previous cheers! My advice is similar: don't hold back during assessment, but wishing you wellness in your own time and success for your son.

    Sorry, Lily, we had some problems with blogger, I have repasted your comment. Here is the link to Lily's site.

    http://lilytequila.blogspot.co.uk/

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    Replies
    1. Dear Lily,

      Thank you, dear lady and those cheers and your cheers, cheer me up. Indeed, I will tell them what it's like at its worst. And right now, thanks to this unfair situation, the illness has been reinforced. I thank you for your well wishes for us. Much appreciation. And very sorry about the technical glitch.

      With kindness and goodwill,

      Gary

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  45. What a heartbreaking post. Hang in there, Gary. You're tougher than you think you are.

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  46. Dear Susan,

    I want to thank you for commenting on this now previous posting. Through the inspiration and compassion my family is embracing, my resilience and determination knows that the human spirit can conquer those who would impose their evil on the vulnerable. Bless you, Susan.

    In peace and the wonder of a child,

    Gary

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  47. Gary:
    Sending you lots of love and light!!! I want to ask if you can move back to Canada. Is this a possibility? Perhaps having a supportive family around would help. I have a couple of friends on disability in Victoria and they were able to be in the system very easily. I agree with Susan, you are tougher than you think you are.
    Big hug to you dear friend,
    Suzanne

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  48. Hi Suzanne,

    The love and light you send is thankfully received. The possibility is there. The problem is that I'm torn between two countries. I have an English son who, if I moved back to Canada, may mean great lengths of time between seeing him. Although I not such inclined, as a little boy, I moved to Canada with my mother. Upon my return to England, my dad's response was distant and indifferent at best. He saw my son when he was about two months old. My son is now twenty four. It's complicated. In the meantime, I shall campaign for the rights of the vulnerable in Britain against the most horrible government here I've ever known.

    Yes, thank you, I'm pretty darned tough.

    Hugs and gratitude to you, Suzanne,

    Gary

    ReplyDelete

I do try to comment back to each commenter individually. However, I might have to shorten my replies or give a group thank you. That way, I can spend more time commenting on your blogs. Thank you and peace, my friend.