Saturday 3 March 2012

Meander In This Market Town.


There are days I wake up and still find it hard to believe that I actually live in England.  Then I stare at the sign, see the cars on the opposite side of the road and listen to the accents.  I'm in England and there are times I get real scared.  
I can wander along, wander aimlessly and wonder aimlessly.  I can walk the streets as the invisible man.  A man who knows that even amongst the crowd, I am a lone and solitary figure.  And even so, there are those magical fleeting moments where the people who see me laugh and smile at my contrary, zany disposition. Yet, despite these times of lacking direction, of fears of an uncertain future, these moments I meander in this market town, make me realise how much I have and how far I've come along.  


And I reflect upon the reflection, on the window and in my mind.  I think back to that day when I took that chance, uprooted my life and moved to this market town.


I gaze at the virtually deserted street and feel a sense of calmness amongst my confusion.  This market town, a poignant reminder of some of the worst and some of the best times of my life.


One final look westwards down Derby Street in Leek.  One final moment to savour the spire of Trinity Church, as it points towards the evening glow.  
Now it was time to go home.   Home and back through my front door.  A life of a virtual recluse who for those few magical fleeting moments, went up into this market town, made them laugh, made them smile. 

66 comments:

  1. That looks like a really nice place to live. A lot better than Detroit, I tell you what.

    Oh and thanks for sharing!

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    1. Hey Grumpy,
      Good to see your kind and noble self. Ah yes, Detroit. The motor city and home of the Detroit Red Wings. Gosh.
      Thanks for sharing with us one of your deeply profound and philosophical comments. Great comment!

      Delete
  2. Dear Gary,
    Ah, Leek. The dreaming spires. The hushed, cobbled streets. And also the home of the head office of Britannia Building Society, where I spent many hours wishing I were somewhere else.
    But, I do like Leek, and its quaint Englishness is very evident in your pics. And I think I know what it's like to feel alone, even amongst people.
    So, Gary, do not feel too alone, for you know there is always support in the great blogging community. And, you always make me laugh, anyway, with your strange and wonderful Canadian wit.
    From your friend (who has hair in the right places, unlike your good self),
    David.

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  3. Dear David,
    Can this be right? You have left a comment at almost three thirty on Saturday morning. What the heck, at this silly time, I'm replying.
    Ah Leek, indeed, And we both have memories of working at the Britannia Building society.
    Thanks David and you got the underlying thoughts within this posting. Strange how you can feel so all alone amongst the crowd.
    And you know how much I take comfort in the interaction we share in the great blogging community. Sometimes, the leading of a double life, the one I show in a genuine way to the world and the one who spends a lot of time contemplating and talking to Penny, makes me realise the irony that is my life.
    And David, I wouldn't know if you have hair in the right places. I shall take your word on that. Thanks buddy and have a good weekend, eh.
    Your 3D friend, Gary

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  4. Yeah. My bad. I usually comment and then go back and read the others. Well this time I read them first and I have no clue what this post is about cuz all I'm thinking of is "hair in right places...."

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  5. Hey middle child,
    That's okay. I wouldn't bother reading the post. I have no idea what it's about and hair we go again....
    Have a good weekend :)

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  6. Aah! That's one of the things I miss about living over here: those towns and villages many times older than this country, with their ancient buildings and meandering streets. Thanks for the memories.

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    1. Hi Ian,
      Ah yes, memories for you, my friend. I can stroll amongst the history here and it leaves me in a state of awe.
      Have a peaceful weekend on Vancouver Island.
      With respect, Gary

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  7. Thank you. It wasn't only people in your market town you made smile. As an often solitary person on the far side of the world I loved your photos. Thank you again. Have a great weekend and a better week.

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    1. Hi The Elephant's Child,
      Thank you and I'm heartened that the smile of sincerity can reach out through this electrical wonderland :)
      I know that even when we feel alone, we can embrace the kindness that comes through so profoundly via our blogs.
      Much appreciation to your kind thoughts and may your weekend and following week, bring you much peace and positivity.
      With kind wishes, Gary

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  8. Hi Gary,
    A lovely town indeed! You know, we drive on the correct side of the road, it`s the Canadians that drive on the wrong side! ;)
    You will never be alone Gary, not while I have breath in my body!
    J
    Follow me at HEDGELAND TALES

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    1. Hi John,
      A quaint little English market town.
      Ah yes, we drive on the correct side, while Canadians drive on the 'right' side of the road. Now, I'm confused :)
      Thanks John and I take great comfort in your words. You are a thoroughly decent gentleman.
      Much respect to you, your friend, Gary

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  9. I think living in a place called Leek is fabulous! :-) You make the world a little brighter with your presence, Gary! You and Penny the Internet Star! Take care
    x

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    1. Hi Old Kitty,
      If I wasn't trying to be slightly serious, I may have mentioned that I always had this urge to live in a town named after an onion! :)
      Thank you. Penny the shy and unassuming internet star and the modest me, are most appreciative of your ongoing kindness. And you know how much love is shared to you and Charlie on your lovely blog :)
      Much respect to you,
      Gary
      x

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  10. Lovely pictures and a great post - I love those street lamps! Leek sounds like home x

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    1. Hey Teresa,
      Thank you for that. And must agree, I also love those street lamps. Leek feels like my home. Strange for me to settle down. Yet when I look out my window and realise what a nice neighbourhood I live in, I feel truly blessed.
      Happy writing, Teresa.
      Kind wishes, your way, Gary
      x

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  11. I'm curious what you did to make people laugh and smile! It's strange how we can feel so alone in the midst of a crowd - and feel connected even when there's no one else around. Beautiful photos, Gary, and a beautiful town. Cheers! :)

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    1. Hey Kim,
      Despite my rather reclusive tendencies, when I go out, when those marvellous moments of social interaction are made, folks laugh and smile and I laugh and smile back. I'm a bit of a 'novelty' in this town and I can be very surreal. Folks seem to like my outgoing, approachable demeanour. A strange contradiction to the scared little boy who trembles with fear in my mind. Of course, when someone first meets me and hears my Canadian accent, they almost always ask me what part of the States I'm from. Then the good natured fun begins :)
      Indeed, one can feel alone and yet there is this underlying connection that I'm part of something special. Thanks for liking the sample photos of this town known as the "Queen of the Moorlands". And no, that's not a reference to me :)
      Cheers and TTFN or, ta ta for now,
      Gary :)

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  12. Great pictures Gary....I caught a glimpse of the timbered buildings and felt like I had been given a small vacation abroad. Oh wait, I am a broad. Well anyway. So you ventured forth and cajoled smiles out of the natives and then, like the magician you are, returned to your abode and stored the secret in a jar to use for your own devious plans at a later date. did you take Penny with you?

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    1. Hi Delores,
      Thanks for liking the photos. Ah yes, I like your 'abroad', 'broad' reference. Someone once asked me if I've ever been 'abroad' 'a broad'? To which I replied, "No, I've always been a dude!" :)
      Ah yes, the "secret in the jar". That would be the secret that it's easy to go out, have those few wondrous moments of social magic and then return to my other world. A world, due to my low self esteem, is one few have seen. Ah such is living a double life.
      Penny stayed in the house with Tristan. Besides, taking her anywhere is a nightmare, what with the 'puppyarazzi' um hounding her every move :)
      Take care, Delores.
      In kindness and a small vacation 'abroad', your way, Gary

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  13. You know what draws people to you? It's your fierce determination to survive. I know that's what first drew me to your posts on Carole's blog. I loved your attitude, honesty, and especially your voice. In fact, don't tell nobody, but i have a huge crush on you. My DH said, no you can't live with us, so it's good that you're happy where you are. Thanks for sharing the photos. It's nice seeing where you live. It looks like a beautiful place.

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    1. Hi Joylene,
      That's extremely nice of you to say that, Joylene. I clearly recall that I was honoured to make your acquaintance thanks to Carole's terrific blog.
      You know I'm a huge admirer of you and your incredible strength, courage and determination through what have been such trying and traumatic times. Massive respect to you.
      Joylene, I too have much fondness for you. Maybe you could tell your DH that I will come and live with you guys. I can cook, clean and knit you a nice jumper. Oh my, you've heard my voice. Aha, so you know I've got one of those soothing, charming Canadian accents, eh.
      It's a nice peaceful place where I live. I'm hoping that living here will help inspire my writing.
      Thanks Joylene and Go Canucks Go!
      With much respect and admiration, your way,
      Gary

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  14. I lived in England for two years and my husband showed me around quite a bit, but I do not remember Leek.
    Conquering loneliness is not easy, but once we do, it is amazing how nice solitude feels, says my husband, although I am a chatter box and probably would not survive a day by myself.

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    1. Hi Munir,
      Wow, I'm sure you had quite the experience living in England. Leek is a small market town about eleven miles east of Stoke on Trent. Not a particularly well known place. However, it is renowned for the 'double sunset' that occurs on the Summer solstice.
      Indeed, loneliness can be, if we allow, to be all consuming. Thankfully, I'm quite comfortable with my solitude. Although I'm a bit of a "chatter box" when it comes to conversing with Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet star. She just yawns and goes to sleep :)
      Thank you, my friend and have a lovely Sunday.
      In kindness, Gary

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  15. Amazing pictures!

    Love the line: "And I reflect upon the reflection, on the window and in my mind."

    ---Damyanti, Co-host A to Z Challenge April 2012

    Twitter: @AprilA2Z
    #atozchallenge

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    1. Hi Damyanti,
      Thank you for visiting and thank you for taking my good natured comment on your article, in the spirit intended :)
      I'm delighted you like the pictures and that reflective musing.
      Wishing you much fulfilment and happiness with the A to Z Challenge.
      With respect and happy writing, your way, Gary

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  16. It looks a nice place to live - some great photo's, especially of the church.

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    1. Hey G,
      It certainly is a nice, tranquil place to live. That photo of the church turned out very well. Thanks for thinking there are some great photos.
      Take care and have a good one.
      Kind regards, Gary

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  17. You certainly made me smile! What lovely photos and thoughts - thanks for sharing. Being alone in a crowd can bring such a feeling of peace - the life of an observer :)

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    1. Hi Jemi,
      It heartens me that you smiled. It was my pleasure to share a few photos of Leek with you.
      Indeed, I rather enjoy watching the world and absorb the ambience all around me :)
      Take care and happy writing.
      Kind wishes, Gary

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  18. Such a lovely town you live in--I can see how, walking its streets, one can feel refreshed and renewed. Interesting, too, to see you describe yourself as a virtual recluse, when online you are such a vibrant presence. Though, on reflection, I think I can see how easily two things can exist side-by-side. Thanks for taking us with you on a walk through Leek.

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    1. Hi Susan,
      Exactly. When I go for a stroll around the town, I usually come home with a renewed sense of vibrancy and appreciation for all I have.
      Environmental issues from a negative past have left me rather fragile and vulnerable. Yet, what I try to convey online is very much of what I truly am. My 'double life' coexists rather well in an ironic yet strangely rewarding contradiction.
      I'm glad you could be here for a virtual walk through parts of Leek.
      Take care and enjoy your weekend.
      In kindness, Gary

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  19. I think we've all experienced the unpleasant feeling of being alone, of being anonymous and almost invisible in a crowd. But all it takes is a smile to connect, and to blow those feelings away. It's nice if someone offers that smile to you first, but if not, your smile can always bridge the gap, too.

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    1. Hi Susan,
      For sure, many of us have experienced that sensation of being alone amongst the crowd. To sit there and listen to several voices blended into one in some kind of distorted gibberish.
      And indeed, despite my anxiety, there has been those beautiful moments when a laugh and a smile are traded. It really lifts the spirits.
      Have a peaceful day and thank you for commenting.
      With respect and kind wishes,
      Gary

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  20. Your place of stability.
    It's been years since I visited England. Hope I get to return again some day.
    And like the last image with the church steeple.

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    1. Hi Alex,
      My place of stability in an unsettled mind. To be here and experience this life, as frightening as it is at times, can also be a positive focus.
      May you one day return to this "green and pleasant land".
      I find that photo of the church steeple, most soothing.
      Thanks Alex and once again congrats on your latest novel and much contentment with the A to Z Challenge.
      In kindness, Gary

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  21. Leek looks very attractive in those lovely pictures but any place can be hell if things are not going right for you.
    On the other hand one can live anywhere if surrounded by a good support system, even a virtual one!
    Click here for Bazza’s Blog ‘To Discover Ice’

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    1. Hi bazza,
      Oh yes, anywhere can seem like hell on earth if a negative environment impacts your well being. Those pictures of this little market town were a reminder that I'm now seeing where I live in a more positive reality.
      Thank goodness for a positive resource support system such as this awesome blogging community. I know we can all be here for each other.
      Cheers bazza.
      In kindness, Gary

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  22. What a charming little town!

    Beautifully articulated, Gary. As always. Take care :)

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    1. Hey Wendy,
      Of course, this charming little town is even more charming thanks to my charming self :) Note my modesty.
      Glad you liked my articulation. Enjoy the remainder of your weekend in beautiful New Zealand :)
      Warm wishes, your way, Gary

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  23. The rather fabulous Sir Tom Eagerly says:
    Hello Mr K. As a chap who is known to have the occasional drink or three a place named Leek would be very appropriate for me!
    Have you noticed Gary how it's always about me?
    Bottoms up old boy!

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    1. Greetings The rather fabulous Sir Tom Eagerly,
      Hello and I cannot begin to tell you how delighted I am to see your noble and gallant self. Aha, you dazzle with a bit of poetry. A leak in Leak after you filled up your beak.
      Yes, it's always about you. At this rate, you should get your own blog. You could then act like one of those 'popular' self-obsessed bloggers!
      Thank you, Sir Tom.
      Cheerio and toodle pip, old chap....

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  24. Thanks for the pictorial tour of your locale, and don't feel alone, my friend. I, too, feel alone-in-a-crowd. And, to think that our culture here sponsors Mardis Gras parades in every city, every year - claustrophobia is my companion ...
    When I was a young stud, we frequented rock concerts regularly and I did everything in my power to portray a "cool" demeanor like my mates, when, the truth be told, I couldn't wait to get the hell out of there! It wasn't so bad when the lights went down ... So, venture forward when you feel the need to expose your underbelly to the beast of civilization.

    Peace

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    1. Hi Jackie,
      My pleasure to share a few photos of where I live. It seems we have much in common and a shared empathy.
      When I was younger, I was the social animal, the guy that was out and about and had a a fair amount of friends. I changed after years of being undermined and devalued. It did take its toll.
      Now and very much like your philosophy, I do attempt those moments when I go out and suppress those feelings that I'm not worthy and indeed, the feeling of being an imposition on society.
      Thanks for the positive affirmation. You, my friend, are to be greatly admired.
      In peace,
      Gary

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  25. What a pretty place! I think writers tend to stand apart, anywhere we are. We are observers when not actively engaged. Being alone doesn't bother me anymore. Sometimes it's preferable. I see a lot more clearly.
    Have some fun this weekend,
    Laura
    xx

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    1. Hi Laura,
      Leek is a very pretty place and the surrounding countryside is rather different and unique. How true. Since I rediscovered the magic of the written word, my observational skills have been enhanced.
      I understand what you mean. In actuality, most of the time, I've very comfortable being by myself. It's a case of liking who I am. And besides, this way I can sit here and have a darn good chat with myself. So, I agree, sometimes being alone can be preferable.
      Thanks Laura.
      Kind wishes, your way, Gary
      xx

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  26. I think I've said this before, but Leek looks like a place that can really bend the light. You get the best sunsets, and the most ethereal looking days!

    I relate to this post. It is a strange juxtaposition to feel loneliness mixed with the intermittent joy of connectivity with your community. It's sort of like joinliness, or is it more like lonnectedness. Hmmm? I've rendered myself wordless.

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    1. Hi THE SNEE,
      We do get some very interesting sunsets. It can be quite amazing watching the sun set from my kitchen window.
      I somehow sensed that you would relate, would understand this post. In our own way, dear friend, we are having some similar mixed emotion experiences in our adventures.
      Thank you, Rebecca. I hope you have a peaceful weekend and here's a virtual smile for you :)
      Warm wishes, your way, Gary

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  27. A bold move on your part, not accepting the old and time for the new. Why you ended up where you are is indeed fodder for another post!

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    1. It was a bold and frightening move to give up a rather comfortable life in Vancouver and start afresh in a new environment and back to the land of which I was born.
      I have alluded to why we ended up here in a previous post. Simply put, my then wife wanted to distance herself from a traumatic past. Of course, what you cannot do is run away from yourself.
      Cheers Ray.
      Gary

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  28. What a great walk! Bold move, but well worth it, I believe.

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    1. Hi Susan,
      Thanks and a lovely, inspirational walk it was. In the long run, I believe that this daring move will finally bring some peace and contentment. Thanks, Susan.
      In kindness, Gary

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  29. beautiful photos... and thoughts, as always... I can only sit and admire the courage it must have taken to uproot and then re-plant... and the courage it still takes to be transplanted...

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    1. Hi Joanne,
      Firstly, I am so glad you commented. You know I'm sending you positive thoughts that the stars will begin to glow again.
      Thank you for you lovely comment regarding the photos. There are times I do get very scared about my move to a different land, a different life, a different reality. I'm a man torn between two countries. Yet, just as the flower begins to fade, moments of hope and inspiration, bring it back to full bloom.
      In peace and positivity, to you, Gary

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  30. The signs and the driving on the wrong side of the road thing are too confusing for me. When I come over to jolly ol' England, can I just aimlessly drive my huge white pick up truck and run over the villagers and wear them as hood ornaments? If I leave any standing, I want them to wash the gore off my truck like I'm an "honorable American". I like my tea cold, thank you. Hey, I'm visitor... or the customer... or somethin'. As they say, the "customer is always right... and never has dramatic mood swings and engages in psychotic behaviors."

    Those people that you see are laughing because, I don't know if you know this or not, but, you fart when you walk sometimes. That's the news in today's local paper. :)

    I enjoyed your tour throughout the town, though. I can certainly identify with your mood at the time while taking these great shots of your area. I especially like the way the church steeple has that odd sky in the background.

    Also: You describe and have described yourself to be a recluse but I don't think it's fair to say only that aspect about yourself. I know you don't identify yourself as only being that but I just wanted to say I think there's a lot going on within you. You're an honest, decent guy trying to do his best, being a champion in his own battles within his persona.

    I wish you the best of days, dude. Keep on swingin'! We'll both get through, even enjoy, occasionally. Laters!

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    1. Hi Kelly,
      Indeed, we drive on the left and the steering wheel is on the 'right' side. When you come over to jolly ol' England, by all means bring your huge white pick up truck. Just remember that petrol, sorry, for y'all, gasoline is way more expensive than what you are used too. And just remember, best to make out like you're a Canadian. Be nice, shy, humble, smile a lot, say 'eh a lot and you will be just fine. You wouldn't want to hear one of them thar locals say,'Ah those bloody loud Yankees!'And of course, after your cold tea you could definitely make it known you are American, if you still wish too. What you do is go into 'Yee Olde Cafe' and complain about the coffee. 'Dag nabbit! They don't know how to make a decent cup of 'cawfeee'!
      In this sleepy town, my fart is worthy of the headlines. Well, they need a bit of excitement and laughter.
      Thanks for liking the photos and understanding the underlying ambience that I tried to convey via my thoughts and photos. That one with the steeple is one of my favourites. There are more, but another blogger wants to use them in April and I didn't think it fair I put up all the photos.
      I am a recluse. A reluctant recluse who is trying to recover from the pain that knocked the stuffing out of my confidence. It's a slow process. A process that I know will have an optimistic and bright outcome. We are all complex. What you see in my blogs and the outgoing nature, is very much, paradoxically, a part of my sincere reality. We both know that this candid approach, to show that there is more to us than folks might realise, brings further understanding in this bizarre world we live in.
      And my friend, may we continue to be positive distractions to each other. I'm cheering you on.
      With respect and grateful wishes, your way, Gary

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  31. most enjoyable read ( off to check yr others ),, +following.

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    1. Greetings crowbloke,
      Thanks for that and I'm delighted you linked into my blog. And I have checked out your blog and linked in.
      Take care and happy writing.
      With respect, Gary

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  32. Leek's a nice little town, I have not been there for many years but it always had a nice atmosphere.

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  33. Hi Jenny,
    Leek, the Queen of the Moorlands, is an interesting place and I love the surrounding countryside.
    All the best to you, Gary

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  34. Gary, you live in a gorgous place!

    I grew up in London and whenever I'm away from it I miss that beauty and energy and also that calmness. People don't think of the capital as being calm but there is a great deal of peace and serenity amongst the bustle. These pics and your words about this market town reflected closely some of my own feelings about London. Beautiful.

    Jai

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    1. Hi Jai,
      Ah yes, London. I very much understand what you mean. Whenever I go to London I get a 'buzz' from the frenetic pace and yet, I have also experienced that quiet calm. I was born in Chelsea and the call of the Kings Road, beckons.
      And now, my reflective musings relate to this sleepy market town.
      Thank you, Jai. I believe we share a common understanding of being torn between two countries.
      In peace and kindness, Gary

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  35. Thanks for sharing the lovely pictures, Gary.

    I totally get what you mean about being alone in a crowd. I feel that way a lot of the time. Even when I'm hosting a party...I can feel like I'm just watching from above and not part of the action...

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    1. Hi Sharon,
      I was very pleased to post these up. It was you that inspired me to take these photos and I shall not be using any more of the rest of the ones I forwarded to you :)
      It's quite the surreal sensation of feeling alone, even when you are in a crowd.
      Thank you for your thoughtful comment, Sharon.
      Kind wishes and happy writing, your way, Gary

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  36. Gary!! The market town looks lovely! England is a mystery to me, but I've been there once as a child. But I only have bits of memories. One of it was of squirrels and how friendly they were. Are they still friendly? I also remember the smell of flowers in the air and how I had to put on layers of clothing. English accents are candy to my ears, but as a young child, I did not remember them! Now I only hear them on the occasional UK TV series that I watch. What am I blabbering about. Hehe. Sorry about that. Back to your post, I can definitely relate to the reflections brought about a stroll or a drive into town. The pages of our lives were written in places like this. And I get nostalgic just like you and I thank my stars for how far I've come along. Thank you for sharing a couple of pictures of your town. It looks historic. I love it!

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  37. Hey Shanaz!!
    Leek is a lovely market town. Of course, even lovelier because I live here. Note my modesty :) And believe me, England is a mystery to me. Then I realised that I was driving on the wrong side of the road..Yes, the squirrels are still friendly. Actually, the squirrels are going to be working in the local tourist board. We still await the smell of flowers in the air that you remember from when you were here as a child.
    Some English accents are virtually impossible to understand and no I wont mention the Birmingham or Newcastle accent or even the Liverpool accent :)
    I'm glad that you could relate to this posting in your own reflective and inspirational way, Shanaz. You've come a long ways and you should be proud of just how much you have done. My pleasure to share some photos of this historic market town. The town is almost as old as me LOL
    In peace and kind wishes, your way Gary :)

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I do try to comment back to each commenter individually. However, I might have to shorten my replies or give a group thank you. That way, I can spend more time commenting on your blogs. Thank you and peace, my friend.