Thursday, 26 September 2013

Name, Bank And Serial Number.

Subject to interpretation
Communication
Gone astray
You might say
I phoned the bank
No need to prank
The lady at the other end
Wanted to be my latest friend
She asked me
Oh so carefully
"Can I have your name?"
What a strange game
I replied, as I sighed
"Of course you can
If that's your plan
Now you are Gary
How very scary!"
"Aha, good sir!
For sure"
She said
I listened with dread
As she asked the next question
Such a strange direction
"Can I have your phone number?"
Did she say cucumber?
Or was it slumber?
"Yes have my phone number
And call the plumber
So you have my number
And I'm feeling dumber"
Question three
From her to me
"Can I have your address?"
Oh what a mess!
"Yes, have my home
The street I shall roam"
So no name have I
Makes me sigh
No phone for me
No way to plea
And no address
I just have to guess
This really stank
A cautionary tale of phoning the bank.

114 comments:

  1. They take it all from us don't they? First they want money for the priviledge of having your money to invest and make a fortune on and now....now....they want your total identity. You poor namesless, numberless, homeless man you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Delores,

      Before they take my computer, take my router, I will quickly type this and give the bank a great big miss. No name, no phone, no home :)

      Have a good weekend, Delores.

      Gary

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. Hi Dizzy-Dick,

      And they make you pay through the nose...

      A good weekend to you, kind sir.

      Gary

      Delete
  3. I love it when I get put on hold, and the music is too good to be interrupted.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi DAVID,

      And to the sounds of "Boogie Wonderland", enjoy your weekend.

      Gary

      Delete
  4. LOL - - we have a bank commercial that you might want to write a poem about.
    Take care of yourself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Munir,

      Indeed and I reckon a number of bank commercials could be satirised with some silly prose.

      Be well, Munir and have a peaceful weekend.

      Gary

      Delete
  5. It is always Sunny.
    When your accounts full of Money.
    :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Rob,

      A rain check, what the heck. Save it for a rainy day and fritter your money away, I say.

      A good weekend to you, kind sir.

      Gary

      Delete
  6. Did she want you to fax over some body samples?
    Excellent rhyming! Pat Hatt would be proud.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Alex,

      How did you know...Now that she has my phone, I'll just have to face the fax.

      A peaceful weekend to you, Alex.

      Gary

      Delete
  7. Look at you go with the flow. Greedy buggers want it all bet they even charge you for the phone call

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Pat Hatt,

      You liking my flow. What do you know. Greedy bankers, a load of wankers. Yes, they charge you all for making the call.

      Have a poetic weekend, Pat.

      Gary

      Delete
  8. Take, take, take. Beware the person who asks for your soul...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Julie,

      Take, take, take and never a break. The banking troll tries to take my soul.

      A happy weekend to you.

      Gary

      Delete
  9. That's why I never call the bank.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi M.J.,

      And neither did I. I went pedantic with some silly semantic.

      A good weekend to you, my friend.

      Gary

      Delete
  10. Hahaha! Online banking--it's the only way to go. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Crystal,

      Oops and the online bank was a computer prank. Computer asked me for my name, my phone number and my address. Yikes! :)

      Have a good weekend, Crystal.

      Gary

      Delete
  11. Replies
    1. Hi Debra,

      I spoke to a leech. A parasite that sucked my bank account.

      A good weekend, eh.

      Gary

      Delete
  12. Well they can't take from me because I don't have any :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi um, Keith,

      So your name is no longer Keith, you don't have a phone or an address :)

      Please try to enjoy your weekend.

      Gary

      Delete
  13. They ask you what they already know, perhaps they think you may have forgotten,

    Yvonne.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Yvonne,

      Yes, perhaps they are testing me. I like to have some fun with going literal.

      Have a peaceful weekend, Yvonne.

      Gary

      Delete
  14. If they know, why are they asking? Did you get any further, like to something you didn't know?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Diane,

      It does make me wonder. It's some sort of confirmation that you are who you say you are, even though I've had to key in codes beforehand to prove that I am who I am. I conveniently forgot my date of birth.

      A good weekend to you, Diane.

      Gary

      Delete
  15. Did you ingest Pat's cat? This was very clever. Of course I would expect nothing less from you!

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Julie,

      I certainly hope I didn't swallow his cat. Thank you and I reckon you realised this was a practice in literal thinking :)

      Have a lovely weekend, Julie.

      Gary

      Delete
  16. I just don't trust any telephonic customer service at all. They almost always get it wrong or can't help with your problem. Easier to just go into the bank.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi JoJo,

      I actually hardly ever phone my bank. In fairness, when I do, my bank is pretty good. As for actually going to the bank, my bank doesn't even have a branch in the town I live.

      Have a nice weekend, JoJo.

      Gary

      Delete
  17. That's why I do most of my banking online. Can't hardly remember the last time I called a bank let alone went into one.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Pat,

      Of course, this posting was actually pretend. As for online banking, the robot asks for my name, my phone number and my address....kidding....

      Enjoy your weekend, Pat.

      Gary

      Delete
  18. Banks are thieves aren't they? Not content with taking our money (such as it is) they want more. And more.
    Not only thieves but greedy with it. Which makes me think of politicians...
    Have a great day. Even homeless, nameless and phoneless.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Sue,

      It seems they are now stealing identities. Heck, they send out a letter to inform us of their mistake and charge us for the letter they send informing us of their mistake. Admin costs, evidently.

      Politicians look after bankers and let the vulnerable suffer.

      No name, no phone, no home.

      Enjoy the rest of your spring weekend, Sue.

      Gary

      Delete
  19. Gary,

    What an inventive twist on a random call to the bank...they take your identity! Now you are a man without a country, name, house, or number, but look on the bright side. At least you still have Penny and the blog. What's that you say? Penny took the blog away? Okay...um...

    Nevermind.

    Great job on sharing this adventure!

    M.L. Swift, Writer

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Greetings Mr. Swift,

      You got it! This was actually a spoof posting that is rather close to some phone calls I've actually made. Nationless, nameless, phoneless, homeless and clueless. Blogless, due to Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar decided to pawblish more often.

      Thank you liking my parody adventure.

      A good weekend to you, Michael.

      Gary

      Delete
  20. I will not call
    The bank at all
    No synthetic voices for me
    Just keep my cash
    From anything rash
    And then just leave me be


    If the good Dr. Seuss were alive today, you'd have him quaking in his nonsensical shoes :))

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi The Words Crafter,

      No call to the bank
      Not even a prank
      No robot sounds
      Making the rounds
      The money is kept under the bed
      Instead
      Something to fall back on
      You can't go wrong.

      Dr Suess is now Pat in the Hatt and his rhyming cat. How about that and splat! :)

      Thank you and have a lovely weekend, my friend.

      Gary

      Delete
  21. did you write all of this while waiting on hold for someone to even answer??? Too funny!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Caren,

      You got that right. I could of written a book for the time it took! ::) Thank you for that and say hello to Cody the cat :)

      A good weekend to you. This be true.

      Gary

      Delete
  22. That's why I never phone the bank. Hahaha
    Beautiful Gary. I'd better call the plumber. It may be a better option even though he may want to know my address.
    Hugs,
    Julia

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Julia,

      Good idea. No phoning the bank.

      Call the plumber and have him tap dance. Tap dance away as he totals your bill and makes you pray.

      Hugs to you, Julia. Enjoy your weekend with your lovely daughter.

      Gary

      Delete
  23. I swear, when I make calls like this, I typically hang up feeling quite STUPID))) Xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Kim,

      You swear when you make calls like that. WTF, all the way! :) Hanging up sounds like a SMART plan to me!

      A good weekend to you and your Liverpool husband.

      Gary x :)

      Delete
  24. Customer Service is often an oxymoron.

    They can take your name, phone number and address, Gary, but they can't take your wonderful sense of humor.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Arleen,

      Quite the oxymoron. Right up there with civil war.

      Thanks and you are very kind. They will never take away my blog. Oops, ignore me, Penny :)

      Have a wonderful weekend, Arleen.

      Gary

      Delete
  25. Penny can bury the money in the yard. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Eve,

      Along with her dog bones and the pesky puparazzi :)

      A good weekend to you, Eve.

      Gary

      Delete
  26. I try to avoid calling them when I can. I think they think I'm dumb just because I'm twenty...joke is on them, eh?

    Loved the poem! It made me smile :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Samantha,

      I shall type this very slowly so you might be able to understand :) Actually, definitely, maybe, perhaps, I've not doubt that you aint dumb n'stuff and like the joke is on them, eh.

      Glad you loved the poem. Sorry it wasn't a nursery rhyme, what with you being twenty :)

      Have a golly gosh darned fun weekend, Samantha.

      Gary

      Delete
  27. Leave it to you to think of these questions in this way. I love it. Makes me think of Yakov Smirnoff, the Russian comedian who turned words around this way, as if from a foreigners point of view of English. So very true! I love this!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Lisa,

      I do something use lateral thinking. And not lateral as in throwing the football slightly backwards to the running back. Ah yes, the Russian dude who suddenly makes me think of Vodka. Can I have an ice cream, Sunday? Um, can I have an ice cream today? Sundae, sundae.....

      Gary :)

      Delete
  28. By the way, I've done the paragliding that it looks like someone (you?) is doing in your photo here! I LOVED it. Did it just once in the Pyrenees and have a photo of it hanging on the wall of my office. Lovely!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Lisa,

      Wow, that would be fun. I can understand you having a photo of the paragliding. And to not leave you up in the air, I took that photo in the header. Although I wish it had been somebody taking that photo of me doing the paragliding.

      Have a lovely weekend, Lisa.

      Gary

      Delete
  29. Ha! This is awesome!

    My favourite is when they phone you and ask for your phone number.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Birdie,

      Ha and thank you.

      Oh yes, the old phone your number and ask you what your phone number is. Laughable, me thinks. Give them the phone number for a totally different country.

      Have a good weekend.

      Gary

      Delete
  30. Hi Gary - well I'd better get in here quick and comment - the last one was over 100 - is that how long you live with hospital visits? Perhaps I'd better try a few ..

    I do hate talking to the banks .. and try and go in personally ... but on occasions we need to connect somehow .. health centre or otherwise!

    Cheers to you and have a peaceful weekend .. without phone calls - Hilary

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Hilary,

      My hospital visits do seem to rack up the comments. Although, you get about the same amount of comments as me. Mine's a bit misleading because I'm still trying to comment to each individual. Instead of your way which thanks each person within one comment section. Did that make any sense. Never mind.

      Of course, this was a fictional phone call with elements of actual calls I've had. The bank I'm with has no branch in Leek.

      Wishing you a peaceful weekend. As for my phone, no phone to make calls :)

      Gary

      Delete
  31. I hope these precious things are returned to you when the bank has used them!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Annalisa,

      The bank will probably use them to give the CEO a well deserved bonus.

      Wishing you a pleasant weekend, Annalisa.

      Gary

      Delete
  32. If you want your money Gary, then just give them everything. Your name, address, phone number, date of birth, last bowel movement, how long you peed and what you last bought at Asda's. The list of their demands are endless, especially when people like me don't always pass the security questions. It's not like I'm asking them to give me their own personal money!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Rum-Punch Drunk,

      I'm giving all my money, my personal details and my last bowel movement to David Cameron. Aha, speaking of peed, Asda made a bit of a mistake with that Halloween costume that stereotyped those with mental health issues. Sometimes those security questions seem to have changed. Your first school? You second from last meal you ate on February 14, 2013. And it appears they are more than happy to take your money.

      A good weekend to you, my friend.

      Gary

      Delete
  33. Replies
    1. Hi Ray,

      Grease has been replaced with numb.

      Have a good one, my friend.

      Gary

      Delete
  34. I am not surprised.... quite a clever account...

    Have a wonderful weekend....

    Give Penny a hug from me....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Michael,

      Very good. A clever account. You can almost bank on that.

      And a wonderful weekend to you, good sir.

      Penny shall be duly hugged on your behalf.

      Gary

      Delete
  35. Very cute, Gary! :)

    Have a lovely weekend.

    PS: Is the photo on your header in Canada?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Sharon,

      Thank you, Sharon.

      That photo header was taken from Minter Gardens, located near Chilliwack, British Columbia.

      A lovely weekend to you, Sharon.

      Gary

      Delete
  36. People do ask the strangest questions :)
    Happy Weekend!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Carol,

      Yes they do. When asked, "Can I have your date of birth?", I was tempted to let her have it, my date of birth, that is.

      And a happy weekend to you. "Take me out to the ballpark....and now for a seventh inning stretch....

      Gary :)

      Delete
  37. None seem to be as "phone-y" as banks.....


    ....good 'call', Gary :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Mark,

      What the fax are you on about? :)

      Thanks for calling by.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  38. It's bad enough to get stuck on a phone call where the person wants your name, phone number, birthday, and any number of other tidbits of information to prove you're the person you claim to be, but when it reeeeeeally gets annoying is when you get transferred to another person... and then another person... and then another... and they ALL ask you the same doggone questions. (And if you're very lucky, at least one of those people speaks English.)

    Happy weekend!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Susan,

      Oh yes, my internet service 'unprovider' has folks who I've made inquiries to and besides their broken English, I realised I knew more about my broadband service than they do. However, I did manage to order a take away meal from them. Still waiting. It's quite the distance to Mumbai :)

      Hope you had a gosh darn fun weekend, y'all.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  39. I'm sure the info is on their screen already. Such a time waster.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Medeia,

      You would think that because you have to key in numbers before you can actually talk to an alleged human, that indeed they would know who you were. They must get extra money keeping you on the phone with all those silly questions.

      Gary

      Delete
  40. Too right! I just love it when they call me and ask for my name, phone number etc. They called me!!!!
    I refuse to verify their information, I mean really - prove you are who you say you are and then maybe! LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Yolanda,

      When they call you, that's when you know this crazy world has gone even crazier. Without them verifying, they get no proper reply. One person who phoned me has been convinced she was talking to Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar! :)

      Hope you had a nice weekend, Yolanda.

      Gary

      Delete
  41. They're greedy people. But it seems as if we can't avoid them, no matter how hard we try.

    www.modernworld4.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Gina,

      They are greedy and we are paying the price for their mistakes. Perhaps we should phone the CEO of a bank and ask for their name, phone and mansion.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  42. Very cute and punny! Pat Hatt would definitely be proud!
    Tina @ Life is Good

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Tina,

      Why thank you, dear friend. Happy thoughts I send. Pat in the Hatt and his rhyming cat, would be proud, for crying out loud! :)

      Hope you had a positive weekend, Tina.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  43. Too funny! I had a good chuckle while reading this. The bank can be a tough call!
    ~Jess

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Jess,

      Why thank you kindly. A tough call and you can bank on that. All the best, Jess.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  44. LOL! Too funny. I don't mind the bank calling. It's those telemarketers that get on my nerves!! Haha!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Catherine,

      Thank you :) And those telemarketers who always phone at the most inconvenient of times, which is all the time.

      Thank you, Catherine.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  45. Dear Gary
    Loved that poem it was a beamer
    Don't send parts like politico Weiner
    They get nosey that is true
    Just call the bank if you're ever blue.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Manzanita,

      Glad you liked my beaming prose
      Parts of it get up my nose
      Like the banks
      And their pranks
      You pay through the nose
      What do you knows
      They ask a lot
      Some sort of plot
      Yes, call the bank
      Give them a thank
      Ask for their name
      Make them insane.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  46. A word to the wise
    From one who decries
    Look out, dear Gary,
    For you should be wary,
    Of a gal who asks for your number
    And mentions "cucumber."
    'Cuz that veggie might bend
    And be her best friend.
    Sorry to be crass.
    But I'm one tacky lass.
    And this rhyme is the pits
    So I'll spare you and quit
    But this you must know:
    With a hug I shall go.

    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello Robyn
      Your prose are throbbin'
      She mentions cucumber
      In her slumber
      What's her number
      Some time with a plumber
      Cucumber and sixty nine
      Anything that she does pine
      She practiced in the cucumber patch
      Doing push ups without a scratch
      No problem with crass
      And your rhyming ass
      You words went well
      I can tell
      Hugs back to you
      This be true

      Gary :) x

      Delete
  47. How hilarious! Love that poem, you clever man! :) Writer’s Mark

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Nancy,

      Thank you for liking my prose and cons. Hope you had a peaceful weekend.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  48. Ha Ha, this is clever and funny!
    Someone once asked if he could have my address, I said no, I'm still using it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi River,

      We sure can go literal. Someone once asked for my date of birth. They sounded younger than me :)

      Hope you had a good weekend.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  49. Siiiigh. Homes? Names? Phones? Bank costs are skinning us alive... ;-P

    ReplyDelete
  50. Hi Misha,

    No name, no phone, no home. The banks and the greedy politicians, looking after each other. Sigh, indeed.

    Gary

    ReplyDelete
  51. Seriously, I'd be locking the doors and closing the curtains tight. She liked your voice so much, she figured she'd just jot down your number and address and pay you a visit. So, if some lady shows up at the door with a casserole, stay hidden! I have sons. I know from where I speak!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Joylene,

      I have been wondering who that naked lady is in my garden. If she knocks at the door, casserole in hand, I might just reach out and grab the casserole and throw her out some clothes. I have been told my voice is soothing. Imagine that, eh.

      Oh, oops and yikes! I have not forgotten your email. I have been rather tied up, metaphorically speaking.

      Take care and happy casseroling....

      Gary

      Delete
    2. Just so happens I ran into a few Brits at the retreat last weekend. I understand brolly is an okay term, but they wouldn't refer to us Canucks as the Queen's Colony. Who knew!

      Don't you worry about the scene, my dear Gary. Honestly, it's not that important, and you have enough to do.

      Delete
    3. Hi Joylene,

      Wow, I hope you didn't literally run into the brolly Brit brigade. Go Canucks and the Queen's Colony does rock, eh.

      I do feel bad about not being able to get back to you. Things kept popping up, metaphorically speaking again. I should now be able to actually read your scene within the next 168 hours.

      Cheers and brolly good show!

      Gary

      Delete
  52. Imagine the bank lady wanting all your deets! You're so talented, Gary, how could she not?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Gwen,

      Indeed, and then she said, "show me your deets!" Gwen, my talents pale in comparison to yours :)

      Thank you, Gwen.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  53. Good thing she didn't say, "Can I have your wallet?"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Al,

      I wish she had of. Love to send a wallet full of moths to the bank.

      Gary

      Delete
  54. They sure do ask a lot of questions... thats for sure!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Terry,

      Indeed they do and one question too many, me thinks :)

      Enjoy your evening.

      Gary

      Delete
  55. HAR!!!

    This is fanTAStic!!!!!

    You are amazing!!

    ~shoes~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Mr. Red Shoes,

      HAR from afar.

      Your cheque's or check's in the post.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  56. great post. love it. well done.
    you don't like my comments??? how about phoning the bank and wiring me some money....
    you don't like that either???

    your so welcome... -t-

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Tammy,

      Thank you and great to see your usual huge amount of grammatical errors. I'm impressed. Definite proof "YOU'RE" a writer.

      You're so welcome...

      Gary :)

      Delete
  57. We have no secrets. Did she become your FaceBook friend?

    Lee
    Tossing It Out

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Lee,

      It's certainly no secret that she became my 'Farcebook' friend. I shall suggest she send you a 'Farce' request.

      Gary :)

      Delete

I do try to comment back to each commenter individually. However, I might have to shorten my replies or give a group thank you. That way, I can spend more time commenting on your blogs. Thank you and peace, my friend.