Name, Bank And Serial Number.

Subject to interpretation

Communication

Gone astray

You might say

I phoned the bank

No need to prank

The lady at the other end

Wanted to be my latest friend

She asked me

Oh so carefully

"Can I have your name?"

What a strange game

I replied, as I sighed

"Of course you can

If that's your plan

Now you are Gary

How very scary!"

"Aha, good sir!

For sure"

She said

I listened with dread

As she asked the next question

Such a strange direction

"Can I have your phone number?"

Did she say cucumber?
Or was it slumber?

"Yes have my phone number

And call the plumber

So you have my number

And I'm feeling dumber"

Question three

From her to me

"Can I have your address?"

Oh what a mess!

"Yes, have my home

The street I shall roam"

So no name have I

Makes me sigh

No phone for me

No way to plea

And no address

I just have to guess

This really stank

A cautionary tale of phoning the bank.

The Daylight, Night Time, Any Time Robbery Bank.

The Daylight, Night Time, Any Time Robbery Bank

Dear customer,

This is a letter in regards to your letter querying why your current account is overdrawn.  Well, here's what happened.  One of our computers accidentally caused one of our human bank staff to key in the wrong current account details on one of your direct debits.  Which means, the computer is blaming it on human error.  This also meant that your healthy financial balance and credit rating has been destroyed.
We also understand from your previous letter, that you had to phone up all your direct debit companies, who could not withdraw money from your current account. You state that each company you phoned in regards to this, kept you on hold for ages, at considerable expense to you, while you listened to, amongst other things, a rousing rendition of the "William Tell Overture".  We also realise that you tried to phone us to sort it out and was kept on hold for ages, at considerable expense to you, as you listened to, "For the love of Money", by the "O'Jays".
Upon further reading of your previous letter, we are also aware that this error has caused you to get into serious problems with a collection agency.  We can only apologise for the stress caused by the overzealous bailiffs who ransacked your home and removed all your worldly goods.
We think it only fair to let you know that your current account, accidentally overdrawn, will be rectified within the next two years.  We are also informing you that there is a £25 administration fee being charged to you for the sending out of this letter in regards to our mistake.

Have a nice day.


The Daylight, Night Time, Any Time Robbery Bank

The Big Bank Theory.

I just want to take this opportunity to thank Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet star, for submitting a guest 'pawsting', I mean , posting.  Penny has tried to teach me how to be a better writer and thus, I shall give it a try in this article.  She has already tried to teach me how to roll over, play dead, beg and shake a paw.  Thanks Penny.
I will do my utmost to formulate some semblance of credible writing.  This might be difficult because my head's all over the place, but my heart's on my sleeve.  This may explain the weird looks I get from those I walk by.
Actually, to heck with some futile attempt at some semblance of credible writing.  By overwhelming popular demand, okay, one person, I've decided to do a nonsensical, disjointed post.
I keep hearing about 'the big bank theory'.  The theory goes something like this.  First of all, become the Chief Executive Officer (CEO) of a big bank and get rewarded for incompetence, whilst your millions of loyal customers are thinking about such trivial things like, will they have a roof over their heads, a job tomorrow, or food on the table.  And to top it off, as a CEO, you will get a nice hefty bonus, at the end of the year, for a job not well done.  Great stuff!  A bonus for buffoonery.  An incentive for idiocy.  And when you become the epitome of incompetence, it gets even better.  Apparently you morph into a 'Fat Cat'.  What's that you say?  It aint no theory, it's fact ?  Say it aint so......
Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet star is now working on the'big bark theory'.   She's working on the theory by yapping really loudly in my ears.  She tried her theory while I was having my nap.....
I've also heard something about CAPITAL PUNISHMENT.  From what I've been told 'Post Control Officers' are now monitoring articles and you can be punished for the over-usage of CAPITAL LETTERS.  the punishment can involve a 'long sentence' as you wait for your inevitable punishment and of course, this long sentence must not have capitals in it and you will notice that at the very beginning of this long sentence, there is no capital letter to start this long sentence, whatsoever!

The above photograph is a venue in London, England named the 'O2 Arena', formally named the 'Millennium Dome'.  The building was 'completed' in late 1999 and officially opened on January 1, 2000.  Now then, to me it looks like it hasn't been completed.  Look at all those 'cranes' sticking out of the roof.  Or maybe it's supposed to look like the world's largest pincushion.  The O2 Arena?   'O 2 see it actually finished.

Here's a photo from the opening ceremony back on January 1 2000 when it was called the Millennium Dome.
Gosh, brings a tear to my eye, as the Queen and Tony Blair, hand in hand, sang the words of "Auld Lang Syne".  Oh, the lady on the right is his wife, Cherie Blair.
There you go, a ridiculous, nonsensical post.  Full of my moronic musings.  Something tells me I needed a longer nap.  THE END....whoops!