The Smile Returned.

I had waited for that day.  Longed for that wonderful.day.  A day to fill my heart with joy, with relief.  The day the smile returned to my son's face.  That beaming smile of yesteryear.   The smile he once had that dazzles in the photo of my son.

It's been a time of learning.  Character defining through the tears, the pain, the desperation, the anguish.  I'm not a well man and when I saw my son plunged into the depths of despair, my sensitivity was acutely aware of the sadness.  Through his torment, I relived my own past torment.  I saw a reflection of a past self and I was sick with the burden of worry.

I have raised my son as a single father.  A single father busy being mentally ill and busy trying to provide a safe, loving environment for him.  A balancing act where the support we received was from beyond the screen.  And the calls to my family and friends.  Sadly, his mother would not understand and has stayed very much in the background.  Instead of a unified cause for the love of our son, my former spouse has never got involved.  The impact of this, profound and painful.  My son yearned for the love of his mother.

My blog, silly, surreal, serious.  The transparency I share with you is therapy.  Through the turmoil in my life, my son's life, it has been a tremendous struggle to write, to interact.  The distraction of his pain, the lack of a smile, has consumed every fibre of my being.  Many a time, I would have to stop writing just to comfort him through the latest crisis.

My son is now a young man of twenty four.  For the last six years, his employment opportunities have been limited.  Short term work and job agencies that would exploit.  He tried to get work.  Oh how he tried.  He became so disillusioned that many a day he would spend just sleeping.  I was scared, so very scared.  I would make an excuse to talk to him.  I wanted to know he was still alive.  Yes, the relentless onslaught of an indifferent world was taking its toll on his spirit.  The world was grinding him down.  He craved independence, to move on, to start his own life.  And here he was, trapped.   It was embarrassing to rely on dad all the time.

My son, Tristan, as of three months ago, finally got some full-time work.  It's mundane and does not utilise his civil engineering skills.  However, it has provided him with some cash flow and it gets him out of the house.  During all of this, he has been pursuing a career in the British Navy.  It's a long drawn-out process.  He's been totally focused on the Navy as being a good career move where he can use his skills that have gone to waste.

About two months ago, he went for his medical assessment with the Navy.  There were concerns that his blood pressure reading was too high.  This halted his ongoing career move pending further monitoring.  He was most distraught over this.  Yet, so focused, so determined was he that Tristan went on a strict diet and exercise regime.

My son went to his doctor and the doctor checked his blood pressure which was perfectly normal.  However, the Navy would not just accept a letter from his doctor.  This meant he had to go on a twenty four hour blood pressure monitoring machine.

On Tuesday afternoon, I took him to the doctors to get hooked up to the machine.  He then spent the next twenty fours being monitored by the machine in our home.  Wednesday afternoon and we went back to the doctors.  I sat in my car and waited for him to come back outside.

And there he was.  My son, triumphantly waving the printout from the monitoring.  "Dad!  My blood pressure results are just fine and the Navy will get my results.  Yes! Yes! Yes!"   Oh how I waited for the day that the smile returned to my son's face.  Wednesday was that day.  And now I smile at the thought of that beaming smile.  A smile that transported me back to yesteryear and the little boy in the photo.  I never stopped believing and now it has become true.

A Fun, Fair Future?

In 1986, I had a ride on the monorail at Expo 86, the world's fair in Vancouver.

And on Thursday, March 3rd, 2011, I got a glimpse of the same monorail.  Only, this time, it was not Vancouver, but at the Alton Towers theme park in Staffordshire, England.  Which leads me to another 'claim to fame', besides being an undefeated egg and spoon race champion.  My other claim to fame?  Yes, you may have guessed.  I have ridden the same monorail in Canada and England.

So, here I was on a bitterly cold early March morning at Alton Towers theme park.   On this cold and misty morn, I had driven my son to Alton Towers to attend a rather lengthy interview process.  Not exactly thrilled with the idea of sitting in my car for up to three and one half hours, I ventured for a stroll into the sleepy, off-season theme park.
Just outside the entrance, I conversed with one of the employees.  This gentleman was very friendly and most informative about the theme park.  Whilst we were talking, the monorail glided by.  Of course, I couldn't resist saying, 'do you know where the monorail came from?'    To which he replied,  'ah yes, it came all the way from Vancouver and I was trained up by the Canadian engineers to maintain it and drive it.  That was way back in 1987.'  So after a bit more talk about the monorail and the theme park in general, this employee mentioned that he had been at, 'Alton Towers for twenty five years...'  To which I replied, 'well, you really should go home, then.'  He laughed and I laughed.
Now it was time to go for a wander in the virtually deserted grounds. I had never been in the grounds, before.

I proceeded through the entrance and off in the distance, on that bitterly cold misty morn, I saw this magical view.  There before me was the magnificent building known as Alton Towers.

I backed up a little to photograph the towers with the lake in the foreground.  The thirty minutes that I spent wandering around in the grounds of this inspiring place, will be forever, a happy memory.  As I strolled around, I chatted to a few folks who were getting it ready for the upcoming season.  I sensed a pleasant vibe.  If you want a bit more information on where I was, would you kindly click on this link, The History of Alton Towers.  You will note is more than just a 'funfair', so much more.

Thus, I  turned back around and headed back to the entrance.  The bitterly cold weather was getting a bit too much.  Off to one side was this rather interesting setting.  'Once upon a time...' in a magical, enchanting place, I dreamt that the dreams of a young man, my son, would finally get a job.  My son, the victim of a brutal economy where so many of our young find themselves becoming  'a lost generation'.
For two long years, my son has been out of work.  He has tried and tried, but to no avail.  It breaks my heart to see my lad being so down, feeling so helpless and overwhelmed.  He wants to move, live his life, have his own independence.  Instead he is 'trapped' living with me, relying on me, and the stress of it all, impacts us both.  Yet, no matter what, he will know, that I, as his dad, will support and encourage him until that day finally comes.  The day my young man can finally spread his wings and make his statement in that world that lies beyond my front door.
I strolled back to my car and waited for my son's interview to finish.  Two and a half hours had elapsed before he finally got back to my car.  He was cautiously optimistic that a job may come from all of this.  He will be informed within two weeks.
And so we wait, we hope and we maintain that positive focus.  To all of those, the young, the old, the disillusioned, my thoughts are with you for a better life.  Maybe, just maybe, there is a fun, fair future.