THE ALPHABARK CHALLENGE, 2016!

Hi there, yes it's me, Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar!  If you, pawchance, are visiting this site because you were eagerly anticipating my alternative to that other challenge that relates to the alphabet with 26 letters, I convey my humble apawlogies.

I got to thinking that it would be unfair to compete with the A to Z Challenge.  This is due to the obvious fact that you would be so in paw, um, awe of me.  Indeed, my human friend, if you're doing that alphabet thingy, my satirical pawsts would put you in an hypnotic trance.  A trance so pawfound that you'd forget all about the A to Z.

So, being such a thoughtful dog, I've decided my rebellious, bordering on cynically, snarky challenge, shall commence on May 1, 2016.  Besides, I'm rather busy looking after my human dad, Gary.  If only I could somehow snap him out of his chronic fatigue.

Yes, make a note in your calendar,  Circle May 1, 2016.  Heck, it might even take your mind off all those reflection pawsts about reflection pawsts about reflecting about the A to Z Challenge, 2016. Yes, those reflection pawsts that go on and on and on...so much so, that you suddenly realise it's April Fool's Day, 2017, just in time to start all over again.....

Yep, the comment section is switched off.  If you're doing the A to Z, I sort of wish you all the beast, um, all the best.....

Blogger Burnout.

Oh yeah, no doubt you've been noticing my lack of blogging.  It's a combination of things as to why my eagerly anticipated posts have been so sporadic over the last year.  I'm still contending with this ridiculous chronic fatigue.  I'm also experiencing blogger burnout where, even though I've got all sorts of crap I could write, I just can't be bothered.

If I see another blog hop, blog fest, or any mention of that dreaded alphabet thing, I might just find the energy to scream real loud.  Of course, I scream real loud and freak out all my neighbours.  So, I shall scream, real loud, in my head.

I do understand that you might be into all those blog hippety hoppety things.  You might say that you enjoy the interaction and the sense of community.  That's fine and I respect that.  It's just not my scene.  Never has been, despite my rather ironic take which does good natured satirising of all things, hippety hoppety.

I've been so disillusioned with blogging that I didn't even bother to let you know that as of February 21, 2016, this rather obscure blog reached its ninth anniversary.  Yep, nine years of somehow keeping this blog going.

Now, for no reason, whatsoever, I shall type away some random, bordering on inane ramblings. Hopefully, such ramblings will help shake the blogger cobwebs.

I remember when I moved to England.  I went and checked out the local butchers shop.  The sign boasted that they were, "Family Butchers."  This conjured up a rather gruesome scene in my mind. Here's "Makends Meat", operated by Mr. and Mrs. Makends, family butchers!

Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar, is a very small, short dog.  Being a very small, short dog, there are times that she seems to vanish within the home. I go to look for her.  "Penny, Penny, where are you?"  Trip...stumble, fall over said dog who is loitering around my ankles.  The number of times I've stumbled over the dog.  Sometimes, I wonder if she deliberately trips me up.

Ah, there she is. Up on the sofa staring at the horse.  At least she can't trip me up when she's on the sofa.

"Oops, where did she go?"  Trip...stumble, fall over said dog who is loitering around my ankles......

Two Dog Night!

I made mention of the following story on everybody's favourite social "notworking" site.  Which means, if you're a friend of mine on that notworking site, bear with me as I repeat myself.  When I state, "repeat myself", it's nothing to do with belching.

It was approximately two in the morning on Tuesday.  Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar had given me a hint that nature was calling her name, loud and clear.  This meant going down three flights of stairs to get outside.

Off we went for a gentle, quiet stroll.  A gentle, quiet stroll that was rudely and abruptly interrupted. Out of the corner of my right eye, I noticed a very fast, very low moving object heading straight towards Penny.  I realised, to my horror, that it was Amy, the Jack Russell dog from hell!  Amy, a dog minus a lead and a collar.

Off in the distance, standing outside the apartment building, was the lady that Amy lives with.  What I found baffling was that the lady didn't even attempt to come get her dog.

Before the situation got out of hand, or out of paw, I suddenly found myself tucking Amy under my left arm and Penny under my right arm.  This made for quite the visual as I watched two dogs having a staring down contest.   I calmly walked back to the apartment building.  Somewhat surprisingly, Amy became very relaxed.  Penny was her usual, chilled-out self.  Penny told me later that she thought Amy was just an over exuberant, starstruck fan.

As for the human in question, this was the same human who had caused me so much grief previously when she accused me of unfounded, anti-social behaviour.

She thanked me for bringing her dog to her.   She also told me that she had been given six weeks notice to vacate the premises.  Something about anti-social behaviour.

I'm really struggling here, my friend.  I'm trying to be proactive whilst still battling with chronic fatigue.  Comments are switched off as I try to sort of catch up with commenting on other blogs.

Oh great!  It's gone two in the morning and Penny is indicating that nature is calling her, yet again, loud and clear....

*Let's go, my human dad.  Time to take you for a walk!* 

Panic At The Postal Service.

Over the next few days, there will be traffic chaos on the streets of Leek, Staffordshire, England.  *Why?*  Yes, you might be thinking that.

Over the next few days, leading up to February 14th, aka St. Valentine's Day, convoys of postal trucks come into the Leek from all directions.  Destination, my place.  Apologies to you if you happen to live in Leek.  For once, the traffic chaos is not being caused by roadworks.  Yes, the roadworks that never seem to have anybody working on them.

Here are a few of the postal trucks heading towards my place. 

Postal truck, after postal truck, after postal truck, arrives at my place.  Sack load, after sack load, after sack load of Valentine's Day cards are ceremoniously dumped into the hallway, just inside my front door.

My home becomes so full of Valentine's Day cards that there's barely room to swing a cat, not like I would actually swing a cat.  

The mountain of mail heading to my place is so huge that even Postman Pat and his black and white cat, get involved.

In the spirit of romance, I thought I'd suggest a Valentine's Day money saving tip.  The day before Valentine's Day, if you have a partner, have a massive argument with your partner.  The day after Valentine's Day, make up with your partner and offer them the Valentine's Day gifts you purchased at a drastically reduced price.  In my case, not having a partner, I will have a massive argument with myself.  Then treat myself to drastically reduced Valentine's Day gifts on February 15th.  You're welcome and who said romance was dead!

Okay, just like last Valentine's Day and the one before that and that and that, the Valentine's Day cards are actually all for Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar.  Here's her card she wants to share with you.  Penny, the epitome of love, no matter the day. 

Have a good one! 

A Snore And A Bark Equals Snark!

Hi there, yes it's me, Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar!  I've noticed that my human dad, Gary, has done a couple of pawsts where he's used his pawfile updates from a certain social notworking site.  I know of this site and we, within the animal world, call it, "Farcebark"!

I've reached the same conclusion as some of the humans who bothered to comment on his last two pawsts.  He is indeed, a silly, silly man!

Arf and he thinks he's clever making fun of song lyrics.  Of course, I would never do such a thing. Which means, I would never question the following song by some human with the rather tasty name of "Meat Loaf"!

The song, not in question is, "I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)" Here is a bit of the lyrics from that song. "Anything for love.  Oh I would do anything for love.  I would do anything for love, but I won't do that.  No, I won't do that..." 

This means I will not make mention that Meat Loaf actually wouldn't do anything for love.

Now for some photos of me, yes me, shy, lovable Penny! 

"No, human, you cannot put away this nice, warm laundry!" 

Ah, so that A to Z Challenge is going ahead, yet again, on April 1, April Fool's Day, 2016.  After some deliberating with a couple of German shepherds, as in the breed of dog and a rather crazy "Shitzu", oops, "Shih  Tzu", I'm now considering doing my alternative challenge to the A to Z.  "THE ALPHABARK CHALLENGE, 2016!"

In the spirit of sharing, if for some bizarre reason, you happen to be obsessed with the alphabet with 26 letters and you haven't signed up, here's their link,

A TO Z CHALLENGE SIGN-UP/ LIST (2016)

I've been informed that some humans like a bit of snark.  Of course, "snark" is a combination of a snore and a bark.  A snore and a bark equals snark!

Now for yet another well earned doggy nap.  Just a snore without the bark.............

Social "Notworking" Site.

Yeah, I know, where has that must-read blogger, Gary, been lately?  Yes, you might possibly be thinking that.  It's been two weeks since my last, must-read post.  I've been trying for the last two weeks to continue with the dream that I made mention in that other post from two weeks ago.  Alas, no luck.

And for no apparent reason, I'll share with you some more of my profile updates on everybody's favourite social "notworking" site.  Once again, if you've already seen the following stuff on that social notworking site, you may well be one of my friends on that social notworking site. 

The following lyrics are courtesy of "Three Dog Night", an American band popular in the late sixties and early seventies.  I should add that the following lyrics might just have two spelling mistakes.  Oh come now!

"Mama told me not to cum

Mama told me not to cum

That ain't the way to have fun, son

That ain't the way to have fun, son."

Mama! Are you crazy?! 

"When you're in love with a beautiful woman, it's hard.

When you're in love with a beautiful woman, you know it's hard."

Ahem, Dr. Hook, way too much information!!!!!

For sale, a Marcel Marceau CD.  With hits such as, "The Sound of Silence" and "Silence is Golden."

Any reasonable offer accepted....

We made love in a barn.  We fell in love with the barn.  We bought the barn.  We started living in the barn.  Ever since, we've been in a stable relationship.  I now wait for the comments about "roll in the hay" and the various farm animal innuendos....

The photo above displays a handy device called a masticating machine.  Just think, you can use this handy device to whip your banana, mess with your nuts and froth up your cream.

And then I saw her face.  Now I'm a retriever.  Arf! 

Anybody know what happened to this 1970's porn star? 

Instant Confusion.

*Twiddles thumbs...*  *Hums* and patiently waits for the latest batch of "IWSG" aka "I Was Seeking Gary" aka  "Insecure Writer's Support Group", to finish.  Yep, the first Wednesday of every month, you will note a bunch of writers discussing such topics as writing.  Although I don't get involved in groups, I'm a lone wolf, as such, you might note, that rather ironically, I've actually put in the link that takes you to that group.  So, if you aren't a part of that group, you might like to get involved the first Wednesday of next month.  What am I doing!

Moving on.

To start the New Year, I thought I'd share some of my profile updates from a certain social "notworking" site.  If you're linked in with me on that certain social notworking site, I hope you're okay that I've subjected you to a repeat performance.

I thought my instant coffee tasted kinda' weird.  It was rather "fowl" tasting.  "Aah! BISTO."  You bastard!

And here's a rushed photo of my son wearing a clock on his head.  And the word is, "clock", there is an "l" in the word.

Just finished attending the, "Comedy Knitting workshop."   It had me in stitches....

I went for a meal with a beautiful lady, wearing a low cut dress.  And, before you ask, it was her wearing the low cut dress.  Being such a gentleman, I did my utmost to maintain eye contact. "Excuse me!", she exclaimed, "My breasts are down here!"  Then I woke up.....