A Magical Metamorphosis.

The past four months have been four months of upheaval, turmoil, adventure and discovery.  I'm in my new home.  My son is in his new home.  Penny, a dog of such sensitive perception, shares both homes.

A new life has begun for my son, for Penny the lovable Jack Russell and myself.  I, a man coping and challenging every aspect of my low esteem caused by past environmental trauma.

Yes, the past four months brought on a deeply intense bout of depression.  The "inner critic" screamed, tormented me to the point I could barely sleep, barely eat.  I was sinking fast.  How was I going to cope? Would my son cope with his new responsibilities?   Would Penny be able to adjust?   Questions, concerns, whirled and whirled in my frazzled mind.  Something had to change.  It was time to battle against the inner critic.  I cannot give my depression permission to sabotage my right to a peaceful, hopeful life.

I learn from that past and embrace the now.  A new sense of excitement, of realistic, positive anticipation that all will be just fine. The inner critic has been replaced by the loving return of my "inner child."  An inquisitive child that sees the good in perceived bad moments.

The powerful revelations that lay within the four months of perplexity quashed the incessant chatter of the inner critic.  My upbeat attitude is returning with a sense of defiant triumph.

When my son lived with me, I hardly saw him.  Just a fleeting glimpse down the hallway as he headed to his bedroom.   I'd get the occasional grunt of acknowledgement from my son.  On a good day I'd get two grunts.  My son, Tristan, an angry, frustrated young man.  A young man craving independence and feeling trapped.  An angry, frustrated young man who would vent his seething rage directly at me.

That was then.  This is now.  My son is coping remarkably well as he sets out on his new life.  Of course, he gets incensed over the bureaucratic incompetence that transforms what should be simple situations into a surreal complexity.  I'm sure you know what I mean.

Tristan has started listening to my advice.  I like to think he listens to all my advice, okay, most of my advice, some of my advice, just a tiny bit of my advice.  Even a minuscule fraction of taking on board my advice is a great deal more than he used to pay heed to.  Now that he is paying his own way, you bet he listens to me in regards to saving money, to paying the correct amount on his taxes.

The anger my son has felt has dissipated.  The communication between the two of us has gone through a magical metamorphosis.

In fact, I'm seeing more of my son now than when we used to live together.  The common denominator is communication, cooperation, love.  And who is behind this new understanding of love I share with my son? Take a bow wow, Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar!   Penny knew that she needed to see both of us together, all three of us together, as much as possible.  Penny, loving Penny, has taught my son and I valuable lessons.  Lessons that the purity of a dog's unconditional, non-judgemental love, is the bond that grows, that glows with the symbolic beacon of hope  for the future.

A magical metamorphosis.

The Love Of Me Bonds My Humans.

*Pawesome!  My arrangement with my human brother and my human dad is working better than even I'd dare dream....*  Oh hello, there.  I was just thinking out loud.  Yes, it's me, Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar!  

You might realise that my human brother, Tristan, my human dad, Gary and I, are going through some major changes in our lives.  Changes that caused me confusion and anxiety.  We moved from the home that we all lived together in for thirteen years.  I ended up staying with Gary for three months until Tristan finally moved into his own place. 

When Tristan moved in and took me to live with him, I was spending long hours on my own while he was at work.  I didn't know this until he told me. What with being in yet another new environment and not being used to being alone, I started to cry. "Where is Tristan?  I'm really scared.  Where is dad?"

Tristan's neighbours expressed their concern about my crying.  With that, Tristan and Gary took immediate action.  We now have a compromise in place.  The routine is that I stay with Gary from Sunday evening until Thursday afternoon.  I'm now getting full attention from the both of them.  I'm so much calmer now.  I even roll around on the carpets, just like the good old days.

I understand that as part of Tristan's independence, he wanted me to stay with him for most of the time.  He now understands that I need the shared love of both him and dad.

Lessons of love have been pawfoundly embraced.  *Pawesome!  My arrangement with my human brother and my human dad is working better than even I'd dare dream....*  Yes, when I was thinking out loud it meant this.  Tristan and Gary have bonded in a mutual determination that tells them their love for me is paramount.  Their love for each other has grown because of such mutual determination.  Such a magical, loving spirit of cooperation, of communication.  I want to cry but with tears of doggy joy.

I sleep in peace.  I get to see both my human brother and my human dad on a regular basis.  

This week I'm staying with Tristan.  He was so worried about my life-changing experiences of late that he has taken the week off work.  

Yes, there he is at twelve years old holding me as a two month old puppy.  Fourteen years on, the love I share with him, with my human dad, grows ever stronger.

A False Start.

Just when I thought I could start building up momentum, start actually being proactive in the world of blogging, I've had another unfortunate situation arise.

Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet star, spent fourteen years in the company of two humans, my son and yes, me.  One of us was usually around to keep her company.  Very seldom was she left alone for a long duration.

This changed dramatically when my son, Tristan, moved into his own home and took Penny to live with him. Yes, I've been there on a regular basis to take her for walks while my son is at work.  Sadly, this has not been enough.  My son's neighbours have complained that Penny cries the entire time that nobody is there to make her feel safe.

I know that all the upheaval, all the adjustments, must be making Penny very confused and very anxious.  I thought this might happen.  My son and I have to remember that she is acutely aware of all the changes going on around her.

It was heartbreaking to take Penny back from my son's home.  I know how much he loves her.  Yet we know the reality is that we cannot have her cause disturbance to the neighbours.  My son and I have worked out an interim solution.  We will have to share her.  Or as rhymeswithplague cleverly stated, "share joint custody."  How true that has turned out.  My son works a four day week.  I shall look after her for four days and he can have her on his three day weekends.

I'm still having a frantic time with the ongoing life changes for my son and I.  I know we will get there.

As much as I love Penny, it's a bit of a pain getting dressed at three in the morning to take her out for a walk. Yes, I suppose I could forget getting dressed.  Living in a top floor apartment means I can't exactly just tell her to go in the garden like I once could.

I do feel terrible about not visiting many blogs over the last three months.  My comments on sites have been few and far between.  My last post was somewhat of a false start.  So I'm being extra cautious out of the starting blocks.  Hope to visit your blog soon.

There you have it.  Penny content knowing she is not by herself.  Once again, she takes up her sleeping position on my sofa bed.  A sofa bed that, just like before, has a cover over it to protect it from her curious paws.  Sleep, little angel, sleep.....

Blog To The Future.

The past three months have left me in a state of flux.  "What the flux is going on?"  I thought to myself more times than I care to mention.

I'm so far out of the blogging loop that the loops have loops and I'm going loopy just thinking about all the loops I've missed.

The past three months have been a time of much upheaval.  Physically and emotionally.  Major changes in my personal life, my son's personal life and yes, the life of Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar!

My son was originally supposed to move into his own home on August 18.  Then it became September 19, then September 26 and finally, yes finally, on Wednesday, October 15, my son moved into his home.  That would be the day he came over to my new home to take Penny back to his new home.

Three months of uncertainty, of all consuming worry about my son's predicament, came to an end.  No more of him living in limbo at my ex wife's home. Wednesday night I sat alone in the quietness of solitude.  Solitude that also brought a revelation.  The knowing that despite the new void, the depressive, debilitating environment I had experienced, was now starting to vanish.  The dull fog dissipated.  I knew that my son, indeed, that I had coped very well.  I was proud of him.  I was proud of myself.  My little Tristan, now a young adult, embracing the independence he'd craved with with every ounce of his adventurous dreams.

Now, both our new lives begin.  A sense of loss and yet a sense of a gain for us both.  A harmonious balance awaits.  This I know.  A fresh start.  A new magic.

Sensitivity, being finely tuned, did bring on one of the worst bouts of depression I've ever known.  Yet the depression was all about caring, of concern, of love.

It's time to go Blog To The Future.  I'm glad to be back.  Thank you for all the support, the caring I've received from so many sources in the background.  You have touched my heart.

The Setbacks Are Having Setbacks.

This has now gone beyond the point of ridiculous.  The moving saga, the setbacks that are impeding my chance, my son's chance to get on with our lives, makes Monty Python look like serious drama.

Today, September 26, was supposed to be the day my son, Tristan, was finally moving into his own home. This would mean I'd be able to remove his excess boxes from my new home and return the beloved Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar, to him.

Alas, nothing seems to have changed.  All I get is that the finalisation of the house sale, "Is in the hands of the solicitors...."  This means that I may still have to get up at 4:30 A.M. and drive him to work from his mother's place.  There is no public transport at that time.  The house he's trying to move into is close to his work.  My responsibilities of being a chauffeur were hopefully ending.  Now, I just don't know.

I'm exhausted and getting very frustrated that I've little time to interact with you.  My son is frustrated and who can blame him.

I do know how much I'm going to savour actually blogging again.  Please don't give up on me.  In the meantime, here's a test pattern to stare at.  Thank you.  If you see Monty Python, tell him I've got a script almost ready.

Moving Mayhem Mixed With Hospital Hilarity.

I'm mega sorry for my noticeable absence in the world of blogging.  Oh, you hadn't noticed?  Oops.

Seriously, I've been overwhelmed by the background concern I've received.  I've been absolutely terrible at responding.  I have been crap at replying to emails.  Please forgive me!  I feel awful about my lack of interaction.  It looks like it's going to be about another week of uncertainty and chaos in my personal life.

The past three months have been a most stressful time in my weird and wacky world.  Complications compounding crazy confusion.  My son was supposed to move into his new place on August 18.  Then the folks who were supposed to move needed more time.  My son's moving date was then supposed to be September 19.  Then, evidently, he's supposed to move into his new home on September 26.

In the meantime, he continues to stay with my ex wife.  If I was of a childish disposition, I might say this was revenge time on her.  Nah, I would never think that. Ha ha and HA!

While he continues to stay with her, he needs a ride to work.  No buses at the time of the morning he has to go to work.  Thus, Mr. Bleary Eyes gets up at 4:30 A.M. to get him to work.  Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar accompanies us.  Soon, she should be living with my son, Tristan.

During this insane time, I had to go to the hospital for a procedure last Thursday that wasn't exactly my idea of a fun time.  Because I wasn't going to be in any condition to drive home after the procedure, my dear friends, Julie and Philip, took me to the hospital and back.  This was the first time I've not gone to the hospital by myself.  I was grateful for the company.

My appointment was for 9:30 A.M.  Upon checking in I told Julie and Philip that I was going to go use the toilet.  I jokingly stated that a nurse would probably ask for me while I was in the toilet.  Wouldn't you know it, upon my return, there was a nurse patiently waiting for me.  It was still another five minutes to my procedure.  I told her that the procedure was for Philip....

The nurse briefed me about the procedure.  Yes, a procedure where the stick a flexible tube down my flexible tube.  "Stan will be looking over proceedings", said the lady nurse.  "Stan's a good laugh!", she continued.  "Great!  I could use a good laugh!", I responded.

I was then sent to a changing room to put on a couple of robes.  "Please remove all your clothes and put on the robes", said another lady nurse.  "You can keep on your socks and trainers", she continued.

I sat there in a comfy chair and waited for about ten minutes.  "Do the blue robes suit me?", I asked the nurse.  She laughed.

Stan the man came over and led me into the room where they would stick a tube in my tube and have a look round with a telescopic camera.  Stan left the room.  I was now alone with three female nurses and a female doctor.  The very friendly, very young, very good looking female doctor explained further about the procedure.  She noted that I'd had a prostate biopsy.  Her notes didn't have the actual date and she asked me if I could recall when I had the biopsy.  Without hesitation, I told her that it was Valentine's Day, 2013. A Valentine's Day I would never forget.  I fondly recall the single prickly rose they stuck up my butt.  No, I made that part up.

Time to go on the bed and open the front of my robe.  All I could think of was that I was going to be lying on a bed with my dignity exposed.

"Pardon me while I have an out of body experience!", I stated to the four ladies.  However, I couldn't resist looking at the screen as the doctor wiggled the tube around.  "I'm just going a bit further and circle back around", she explained.  "What the f**k!  How long is that tube?", I thought to myself.  I mean the tube in my tube, in case you were wondering.  Five minutes later it was all over.

I have been give new medication to see if it helps my waterworks.  The procedure indicated that my insides are pretty well okay.

I got back in Julie and Philip's car and I realised that I must have been medicated. I was wondering why we were driving on the wrong side of the road....Then I remembered I'm in England.

This was quickly typed post.  It's a very long post by my standards.  I wouldn't blame you if you skipped down to here and just read this part.  I just want to let you know that I'm very lucky, very blessed to be living in my new home.  Hopefully, in about a week, I can actually start to savour my new home and get on with my new life.  Heck, I haven't even had time to have empty nest syndrome.

You will note that comments are switched off.  Somehow, I going to try and do a bit of catching up with your blogs.  Yep, you've heard that from me before.  Thank you for being here.  It means more than you will ever know.

Penny's Posh Pad Pawhaps!

Hi there. Yes it's me, Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar!  All of my human Gary's moving malarkey has gone beyond ridiculous.  

In order to help him out, I've decided to permanently, um, temporarily take over his blog.  I've actually made the decision to stay with him at his new home for a couple of weeks extra. Okay, the truth is that his son, my human brother, Tristan, was supposed to take me to his new home on August 18. The people who were moving out of the home that Tristan was going to move into have now purchased a different home.  I'm now going to look after Gary until September 19.  Then I shall go live with Tristan.

Rest assured, I shall visit Gary a lot.  Somebody has to get this blog going again. Yep, somebody, as in this celebrity dog, has to get the interaction started up and raring to go.  

Gary has been buying brand new furniture. I love to give new furniture the curious scratch test. The sofa bed in the photo has a bed sheet covering it. I love sleeping on the sofa bed.  I've decided it's mine!

Gary!  You woke me up.  

At least you never woke up Jack Rabbit.

Such a lovely view out the window. I know that Gary shall be putting up photos of this posh pad fairly soon. Time to take my human for a walk.  Come on human, let's go for another walk......via the stairs and not via the window, I should add....