The door that had kept me closed in, trapped in my own anxiety, laced with a liberal dose of negative speculation, is now ever so slightly open. Through the ever so slightly opened door, I embrace that glimmer of a new hope in a new reality.
The past year and a half have tested my mental health well being to the wildest, scariest extremes of paranoid, panicky despair. Government bureaucracy, lack of communication, passport problems and the what feels like the never ending saga of staring at planks, at scaffolding......
The anxiety, oh the anxiety lingers. The past year and a half have impacted me profoundly. And yet, I've battled against the injustice that toyed with my right to a peaceful, positive life. Despite struggling with the overwhelming sense of being imprisoned in my own very personal world of impending insanity, I'm nearly back. I'm amazed at my resilience as I now have my benefit entitlements sorted. That is such a relief.
As for the scaffolding and the planks outside my apartment, I've been informed that they will start working on the roof in February, 2018. By the time it's all over, I will have been stuck staring at the wood and metal monstrosity for ten months! It transpires that there has been an insurance claim issue as to who is responsible for the cost of fixing the roof.
The recovery after such a tedious, tumultuous time will be one of gently taking care of myself. The mental and physical exhaustion makes typing every word one small yet significant triumph in my passionate desire to get on with my life.
For the next little while, my posts will still be sporadic at best. Although, the wee folks have assured me that they will be doing there annual Christmas wish posting.
I want to thank you for your understanding. I've been most frustrated that personal situations have made it virtually impossible to even contemplate writing a post. I'm truly sorry I've been very much lacking in interacting with other blogs. If the truth be known, I'm embarrassed to have the comments section switched on considering my lack of being proactive.
If it wasn't for the company and supportive advice of Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar, I may just have stayed under the duvet instead of noticing that the door is ajar.
Thank you, Penny and thank you, my friend on the other side of my computer screen.
You are a brave man, Garry, and so much stronger than you know. You have survived and with determination, that door will open for you again. Take care, dear friend. You have so many people who are routing for you and praying that you will have the peace that you so deserve.
ReplyDeleteHi Arleen,
DeleteThank you for your very kind, thoughtful words. It's been a very trying time but I know I got through it thanks to decent folks like you.
Wishing you a lovely weekend.
Gary
I hope that door stays more than ajar! Kick it open and step through, Gary. Welcome back.
ReplyDeleteHi Ian,
DeleteI hoping to make that ajar even more ajar. Thank you, Ian. Nice to be back, even if it's still a bit on the sporadic side.
A peaceful weekend to you and your loved ones on Vancouver Island.
Gary
It is so good to hear that your benefits have been sorted, and that you are feeling the beginnings of relief from the stress. Yay for Penny! She is a true friend in time of need and otherwise. I hope things continue to improve for you. It has been a long time coming. Take care, my friend.
ReplyDeleteHi Jenny,
DeleteThank you so much for that. I really had to battle bureaucracy to get my entitlement back to where it was supposed to be.
Penny has been a life saver to me. Here's to improvement for all of us, my very kind friend.
Have a wonderful weekend, Jenny.
Gary
Heartfelt hugs and oceans of caring to you Gary. We do understand. And welcome you whenever there is sufficient light to allow you to drop in.
ReplyDeleteHi Sue,
DeleteI sense your heartfelt hugs and the great big ocean of caring. Thanks for your and others' understanding. It's so tough to get the momentum back but I know I'm under no pressure.
Have a lovely rest of your weekend, Sue.
Gary
I converted my door into a jar that I have to unscrew and screw back in just for the pun and sexual innuendo. The scaffolding/roofing thing is baffling to me because someone is losing money over having that erected, just for spite. People and their pride are goofy. Glad you're seeing more and more of the hope.
ReplyDeleteHey Pickleope Von Pickleope,
DeleteAlways good to have pun with a sexual innuendo. Just mind the knob on the jar.
It seems they quite like a lengthy erection, despite the growing costs of keeping the scaffolding up. Life, I hope, continues on the up and up. Note that I skillfully avoided even the remotest hint of an innuendo.
Thank you for your comment, my pickle type friend.
Gary
So glad you’re feeling better. Here’s hoping things keep getting better in this month and the coming new year.
ReplyDeleteSending love and best wishes to you and Penny.
Hi Damyanti,
DeleteThanks for your kind words of encouragement, my very nice friend. Here's to a pawesome, awesome year for all of all of us.
Hugs and love from Penny and yep, her human dad, Gary :)
So glad you're feeling better and more positive Gary. There's light at the end of the tunnel at the other side of the door that's a jar (or even ajar)- that does so remind me of the old joke 'when is a door not a door?' Love the photo of Penny by the way, she really is a true friend :)
ReplyDeleteHi Eunice,
DeleteThanks for that. There's a light at the end of tunnel that be some sort of a door that may well think it's a jar, ajar. Love that old joke. Can't knock it, or can you....
Penny is a pawesome, loving friend, fur sure.
Thanks again, Eunice.
Gary
One step at a time, but that's how it's done. Thrilled to hear you're in a better place and taking those steps toward the door. We've missed you here in the blogging world. Hold fast to your faith that you can do it.
ReplyDeleteAnd what if the door really is a jar?
Hi Alex,
DeleteThanks for your comment, kind sir. Baby steps, methinks. Still, I managed to reach the door's handle, or was it a lid. I'm still struggling to get any real momentum back. However, I do appreciate your encouragement.
The door may well be a jar filled with peanut butter, smooth or crunchy, not sure.
Gary
Oh Gary! I think 2017 has been a hard year for a lot of us, so I say you can remove any embarrassment about not being as visible as in past times. I'm excited for your PAWsitive attitude and PAWering through all ups and downs. "Every day in every way it's getting better and better." I bet soon the door will be open far enough for you to step through and breathe the fresh air of a new day!
ReplyDeleteHi Bish,
DeleteAh yes indeed and I know that you can very much relate to some challenging times in 2017. I shall do my utmost to reduce my feeling of embarrassment.
Pawsitivity is pawfectly pawndered.
The door is opening wider. Must remember to go out with my clothes one! :)
Thank you for your inspiring, pawsitive words, Bish.
Gary
Hopefully you soon can kick the door down and go out on the town.
ReplyDeleteHi Pat in the Hatt,
DeleteDoor will be down
Without a frown
This clown
Heads downtown.
Thanks, Pat and all that.
Gary :)
Welcome back Gazza! I really don't think you have need of apology; you have put so much into the Blogosphere for years that I think IT owes YOU :-)
ReplyDeleteCLICK HERE for Bazza’s seasonally adjusted Blog ‘To Discover Ice’
Hey Bazza,
DeleteThank you very much for the welcome back, my fine friend. You are most kind.
All the best, old chap.
Gary
Baby steps Gary, Baby steps. I am so happy for you that things are starting to lighten up in your world. You are an inspiration as you constantly set an example of positive thinking and action.
ReplyDelete(when is a door not a door? when it's ajar) that's a really old one but then again, so am I.
Hi Delores,
DeleteIndeed, the baby steps that gently move forward. Thanks and yes, the light is starting to immerse me again.
I do my best to find the positive in what can be perceived as a negative situation. If I hadn't been messed around by bungling bureaucracy, I may well have never inquired about the fact I was actually entitled to more than I had ever realised.
Yep, gotta' love the old jokes and no, I don't me you, my lovely friend :)
Gary
Keep on keeping on Gary, that door will be open wide before you know it, and we will all be here cheering you on. I may not be able to visit you for a while in the New Year as I’m off on a jaunt, but I will be back in the spring, and I will be sending you positive vibes while I’m away. Hugs to you and to Miss Penny!
ReplyDeleteHi Barbara,
DeleteI most assuredly will keep on keeping on, Barbara. That door shall be opened so wide that it may be the worlds biggest jar.
Nothing like a good jaunt and here's to you having a marvellous time.
Positive vibes back to you from Penny and yep, her human dad, Gary :)
It's great that the door is ajar and there's a glimmer of light shining through the gap! I hope it soon opens a little wider and good things come through, or are found when you and Penny step through.
ReplyDeleteHi Patsy,
DeleteThe door is becoming even more ajar. The glimmer glimmers gently with renewed hope. Penny and I shall discover what's beyond the opening door.
Thank you, Patsy.
Gary
Um, through the gap I mean. No Kung Foo stuff with the actual door - it ruins the paintwork.
ReplyDeleteHey Patsy, part two.
DeleteMind the gap, as stated by the voice at the London Underground. The paintwork shall be just fine, I hope.
Gary :)
So good to hear from you Gary, take it one day at a time. I hope the glimmer keeps on shinning even brighter. Looking at Penny's sweet face must be a great comfort and support. Best wishes to you both.
ReplyDeleteHi Suzanne,
DeleteThank you and very nice to see you, my kind friend. I'm going to get inspired by the glimmer.
Penny has helped me through some very challenging times.
Best wishes to you and your loved ones, Suzanne.
Gary
Gary, that is wonderful to hear. Follow the light right out that door. I have a friend who is in and out of mental hospitals and I wish he would notice the door is ajar.
ReplyDeleteHi Diane,
DeleteThanks and it is indeed a light I need to pursue further. I, having been sectioned under the mental health act, hopes your friend will truly realise that the door can be an alluring comfort once they notice the door is ajar.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment, Diane.
Gary
Keep up the good work, Gary!
ReplyDeleteHi Pat,
DeleteMy fine friend, I truly will.
Thank you, Pat.
Gary
So glad that things are starting to look up for you now, Gary. Penny is a treasure, eh? May everything get even better for you in 2018.
ReplyDeleteHI Debra,
DeleteIt has been an 18 month battle to get my life sorted back to some semblance of balance. Penny is the treasured treasure, eh.
Thanks and here's to us all having a peaceful, better 2018.
Gary
Hi there!
ReplyDeleteNow, that's an irresistible blog title! It's good to see you, and even better to be able to tell you so;-)
Penny must be such a comfort. It doesn't hurt that she's adorable too. I look forward to seeing you both out and about more often - C'mon out and breathe.
Hey Diedre,
DeleteThanks for thinking the blog title was irresistible. It's good to be seen and even gooder seeing you here, my kind friend.
Penny is the comfort blessing and yep she's so gosh darn cute, along with being an acclaimed pawblisher!
We shall both endeavour to be a bit more proactive. I'm still recovering from one heck of a nightmarish 18 months. Inhale the positivity, for sure.
Thank you, Diedre.
Gary
Penny looks very pretty. If it weren't for Franklin and Penelope, I wouldn't get out of bed very often.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
Hi Janie,
DeleteI've told Penny you think she looks pretty. She's most pawleased! :) Franklin and Penelope help you challenge that duvet or doorway dilemma.
Thanks, Janie.
Gary
Yay! Comments are switched back on!! I am glad you have noticed the door ajar Gary. Just in time for the little people to come and dance and sing their Christmas songs. Thanks for keeping us up to date and glad all is well with Penny!
ReplyDeleteHi Lisa,
DeleteThanks and yes, although rather shyly, I left the comments section on. The door is most certainly ajar. The wee folks are preparing their annual Christmas wish. I'm delighted with that.
Thanks again and Penny is doing fine, fur sure, um, for sure.
Gary
So glad the door is ajar Gary and hope it will soon be wide open for you. As for the planks etc. it does end. We finally got access to our balcony after around 5 months. Some people had to wait 2 years for theirs. But it does finally come to an end.
ReplyDeleteHi Jo,
DeleteThe door is opening wider but I shall avoid any draft. I wish I had a balcony. Of the 88 apartments within this building, only one apartment is being adversely impacted by planks. I haven't been able to see the sky outside my windows since May 8 and the window cleaners cannot clean my windows. Still, next February and it should all be finally over. I know I have much to be grateful for when I consider I have a nice, warm place to live.
Thank you, Jo.
Gary
I'm so glad you opened up the comments, so all your blogging pals can say hi! It's wonderful news that things are getting better. I'm very happy for you. And sweet Penny. She is the absolute best!
ReplyDeleteHi Martha,
DeleteThanks for that. Yes, I've been rather reluctant to have the comments switched on based on my feeling awful about my lack of interaction. So, I greatly appreciate your kind comment.
Penny has read your comment and she sends you pawsitive wishes.
Gary :)
You, Gary, are one of the kindest people I know. I am looking forward to that door opening wide, and may good health, happiness and joy rush in and hold you in their loving warmth. I am sorry to hear about those construction woes...we're experiencing those ourselves (our record is a year and a half so far--seepage from the flat above). I know how frustrating it is, especially when we also have to manage our own lives.
ReplyDeleteHugs, hugs, hugs to you, Gary. Sending mammoth trucks of love your way. I wish you a wonderfully joyous 2018. Because what goes down must bounce back up, eh?
Special love for our hero, Penny the Pawesome!
Hi Vidya,
DeleteAwe, thanks and you, my very nice friend, are as equally kind to me. The door shall continue to open with renewed hope. A hope symbolic for all of us. I emphasise with your frustrations. I forgot how challenging apartment life could be. Had a very intoxicated neighbour knock on my door very late at night. Wanted me to open a can of potatoes for him.
Thanks for your warm, caring thoughts. A peaceful, hopeful 2018 yo you and your loved ones, Vidya.
Penny the pawesome pooch thanks you very much.
Gary
I'm glad to hear things are looking up for you, and of course having the comforting presence of Penny helps a lot.
ReplyDeleteHi River,
DeleteI appreciate that, River. Indeed, Penny is such a comfort.
Gary
Gary I'm glad you're seeing a glimmer of light through that door. Hoping the loving sprit of Christmas and the wee folk will help you open it fully. Blessings to you and dear Penny!
ReplyDeleteHi Diane aka CraveCute,
DeleteThanks and that glimmer of light will definitely inspire me and hopefully others. The season to be jolly will help with the progress forward.
Blessings back to you and your loved ones, my thoughtful friend.
Gary
It's a good day in blogland when Gary's door is a jar or ajar and the comments are turned on again. Hip hip hip hoorah for you, my friend. I have never understood, but love the fact, that when humans look into a camera their eyes are red, but when dogs look into a camera their eyes are green. As pertains to you and sweet Penny, I think this is a very good sign.
ReplyDeleteHi rhymeswithplague,
DeleteThat's very nice of you to say, good sir. Methinks that some humans may already have bloodshot eyes and dogs are thinking about sniffing the green grass.
Good signs, indeed. Eye, eye, fur sure.
Thanks again.
Gary
Yes! Thank you, Penny. Gary, you are always in my thoughts. I am inspired by your resilience. Just knowing that life is allowing you to breathe again gives me hope. I know it's not easy knowing AND remembering a lot of people are thinking about you and hoping for the best. Our numbers grow. Don't worry about replying. I'm not here because I need you to drop everything and say hi. I know you're there. And I bet many feel the same way.
ReplyDeleteHi Joylene,
DeleteNice to see you here, eh. Your words and your thoughts are truly profound, my always kind friend. You have reassured me and that helps a great deal. I know I worry too much.
I could not resist replying to your comment even though it has taken me ten days!
Thank you, Joylene.
Gary
Sticking with it has been the key, and you did it, my friend. I'll keep you mind these next few months. I'm going to need your inspiration.
ReplyDeleteHi Lee,
DeleteThe sticking with it, despite it all, is most assuredly the key. We shall do our utmost to inspire each other. Finding the positives in what are perceived as only negatives.
Thank you, Lee.
Gary
Gary dear, I understand completely. I'm glad you see hope again. May its light grow stronger each day.
ReplyDeleteLaura
x
Dear Laura,
DeleteI sense that you understand. Hope is the driving force. The light will be brighter for you also, my kind friend.
Gary
x
Gary Gary,
ReplyDeleteI am glad to see a post from my friend. It is good that the door is offering a bit of light to take some of the darkness away. No need to apologize or feel bad for not blogging. Sometimes, one needs to take care of life. You know where I am if you need a bit of conversation.
peace & light
True, True,
DeleteThanks and I'm glad to have actually posted. Still going very slowly as I commenting back eight days after you kindly commented. The light beaming through the opening door is one of hope beyond the dark that tried to overwhelm me.
Absolutely, we have to look after ourselves. Look forward to our future chats, my poetic, amazing friend.
Peace and light to you, True.
Gary
Hi Gary - so pleased things are looking up - that scaffolding delay is such a nuisance ... but perhaps the sky will return. More importantly I'm so glad that your benefit entitlements have been resolved if not quite fully ... I sincerely hope more will be forthcoming.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry re the blogging aspects -we're pleased you're feeling easier and glad Penny kicked you off the bed so you could just tease that door a little further apart ...
Take care - and with thoughts - Hilary
Hi Hilary,
DeleteThank you and yes, things are looking up. Although, when I look up outside my windows, all I see are planks. I haven't seen the sky outside my windows since early May. Oh well, soon be February. After getting past the bureaucratic farce, I have all of my entitlements in place. If the situation hadn't been so messed up, I might now have even realised I was entitled to so much more. That's taking a negative and turning it into a positive.
Thanks, in regards to the blogging situation. Penny made darned sure I went and opened that door at least enough to take her out for a walk.
All the very best with your Vancouver Island adventure, my very nice friend.
Gary
So glad you have Penny- and not just because she is an internet sensation. Good company and love from a dog mean so much.
ReplyDeleteI can understand why you have been stressed and anxious. I am glad that the project with the roof has a projected deadline now.
The door opening is a wonderful sign. You are persevering and persisting. Yeah for you. Do not worry about commenting on my blog. I am just happy to be able to comment on yours and let you know you are in my thoughts. Sending positive wishes your way. And a hug too. :)
~Jess
Hi Jess,
DeleteIt's always comforting when Penny is here with me. My son and I have her on alternating weeks. Her unconditional love is such an inspiration. Gotta' love the modest internet superstar! :)
The scaffolding has made me feel trapped. I do focus on the fact that I have somewhere to live. That makes me grateful.
Thanks so much for your encouraging comment, Jess. You are most kind and I'm most appreciate of what you've stated.
Positive wishes and hugs back to you :)
Gary
Stay warm and relax now, your healing will take time, but it can be a happy time too, you're on the way up again dearie, sending love from this end Xx
ReplyDeleteHi Michelle,
DeleteI'm most certainly staying warm. The scaffolding seems to trap in the heat :) I shall concentrate on the happy times ahead.
Thanks for the love from your end. Um, maybe that didn't sound right. LOL
Hugs and I hope Ken and your lovely self are feeling better.
Gary Xx :)
Gary! I'm so glad you have the comments section on so your friends (me included) can remind you that you're loved and thought of more often than you can imagine. And if the door really is a jar, you can still see through it, right?
ReplyDeleteThis has been one heck of a year for you, but things are getting better and will continue to get better. Just keep chugging along with Penny by your side. Thank you for sharing your vulnerable side with us so we can have the opportunity to stand with you. Friends don't need to be there physically to be there for you. BIG hugs, friend.
Hi Lynda,
DeleteThanking you very much, Lynda. I know I shouldn't feel bad about my lack of interaction over the past while but it did play on my head. Thus, kind friend, I appreciate you commenting now that I actually switched the comments on! The door has become crystal clear.
I know it has been a heck of a year for a lot of folks. I shall continue to concentrate on getting better, despite the debilitating chronic fatigue. I've always tried to be transparent and honest. I believe being this way helps me and helps others.
Big hugs and gratitude to you, my lovely friend.
Gary
YAY! Glad the door is ajar and you're seeing the hope and peace shining through again. It has been a difficult time for you and I'm so glad the future is looking brighter and more comfortable. Don't worry about the blogging stuff - that's always going to be there. We all care more bout you being healthy and happy! Sending hugs to you and Penny!
ReplyDeleteHi Jemi,
DeleteThe door is very much ajar. Yes, no doubt, the hope and peace is shining through from the hallway. Been a number of hurdles over the last eighteen months. Each hurdle has been conquered and thanks to decent people like you, the hurdles will never be insurmountable.
You are right, the blogging stuff does lurk around in the background :)
Hugs back to you, Jemi.
Gary :)
It's about time things started to go right for you, Gary. Hope that door opens right up. I love the photo of sweet Penny xx
ReplyDeleteHi Teresa,
DeleteIt has been quite the outrageous battle with our horrible government. They will never again prevent the door from opening ever wider.
Penny and I thank you for liking her photo.
Gary xx
You've (everyone's) gotta love Penny! I'm so glad you have her. Dogs truly do make one feel loved and appreciated. I'm praying that 2018 will bring you joy and good health and less complications, Gary. (My big worry finally ended...my new greencard arrived at the beginning of the month.
ReplyDeleteHi Sharon,
DeleteEverybody loves Penny! Could be the name of a sitcom TV show :) I know how much you feel the inspiration that our dog friend bestow upon us.
Here's to 2018 be a wonderful year for you, for me, for all of us. I can totally relate to the stress of waiting for entitlement.
Be well, my kind friend. Penny remembers you!
Gary
Ho. Ho. Ho. I'm back to wish you happy holidays and all of that. Keep that door a jar and enjoy. Hugs to Penny.
ReplyDeleteHi there superstar author and darned nice lady, Lee,
DeleteHo, ho, ho, to you, my fine friend. Very kind of you to wish us happy holidays during the season to be jolly. The door has continue to morph into a jar. It's all become clear.
Penny sends you a hug and a doggy lick back.
Thanks, Lee. Here's to you and your loved ones.
Gary
Hi Gary and Penny, just came over to wish you both a Very Happy Christmas and the best New Year. I won't be around much over Christmas or at the beginning of the year but I hope to catch up with you again in the Spring. I hope that door is still open. Hugs Barbara
ReplyDeleteHi Barbara,
DeleteThank you so much for your follow up comment. And, my lovely friend, we wish you a wonderful Christmas, along with a peaceful, hopeful 2018. Here's to your blogging ADVENTure.
Soon be spring and the renewal of that time will be a reminder of the door that is ajar.
Hugs and thanks,
Gary
Just love your header photograph.
ReplyDeleteSo pleased to read the door is ajar, long may it remain so.
Sending my good wishes and positive thoughts to you.
Happy Christmas Wishes too
All the best Jan
Hi Jan,
DeletePenny, a few wee folks and I, are most pleased you love the header photograph.
Thanking you kindly for the good, positive wishes, Jan.
A peaceful, wonderful Christmas to you and your loved ones.
Gary
Have a wonderful holiday celebration, warm greetings and best wishes!
ReplyDeleteHi Blogoratti,
DeleteThank you, kind friend. A peaceful holiday time to you.
Gary
The Wee Folk! Glad to see them out and about. Here is a wish for a wonderful Christmas for you, Penny, and Wee Folk.
ReplyDeleteHi Susan,
DeleteThe wee folks are about to put up their annual post. Would have already been put up but some hectic situations have made it slightly delayed.
Thanks for the Christmas wishes, Susan. Penny, the wee folks and me, Penny's human dad, Gary, wish you and your loved ones a most enjoyable Christmas.
Gary