I will do my utmost to formulate some semblance of credible writing. This might be difficult because my head's all over the place, but my heart's on my sleeve. This may explain the weird looks I get from those I walk by.
Actually, to heck with some futile attempt at some semblance of credible writing. By overwhelming popular demand, okay, one person, I've decided to do a nonsensical, disjointed post.
I keep hearing about 'the big bank theory'. The theory goes something like this. First of all, become the Chief Executive Officer (CEO) of a big bank and get rewarded for incompetence, whilst your millions of loyal customers are thinking about such trivial things like, will they have a roof over their heads, a job tomorrow, or food on the table. And to top it off, as a CEO, you will get a nice hefty bonus, at the end of the year, for a job not well done. Great stuff! A bonus for buffoonery. An incentive for idiocy. And when you become the epitome of incompetence, it gets even better. Apparently you morph into a 'Fat Cat'. What's that you say? It aint no theory, it's fact ? Say it aint so......
Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet star is now working on the'big bark theory'. She's working on the theory by yapping really loudly in my ears. She tried her theory while I was having my nap.....
I've also heard something about CAPITAL PUNISHMENT. From what I've been told 'Post Control Officers' are now monitoring articles and you can be punished for the over-usage of CAPITAL LETTERS. the punishment can involve a 'long sentence' as you wait for your inevitable punishment and of course, this long sentence must not have capitals in it and you will notice that at the very beginning of this long sentence, there is no capital letter to start this long sentence, whatsoever!
The above photograph is a venue in London, England named the 'O2 Arena', formally named the 'Millennium Dome'. The building was 'completed' in late 1999 and officially opened on January 1, 2000. Now then, to me it looks like it hasn't been completed. Look at all those 'cranes' sticking out of the roof. Or maybe it's supposed to look like the world's largest pincushion. The O2 Arena? 'O 2 see it actually finished.
Here's a photo from the opening ceremony back on January 1 2000 when it was called the Millennium Dome.
Gosh, brings a tear to my eye, as the Queen and Tony Blair, hand in hand, sang the words of "Auld Lang Syne". Oh, the lady on the right is his wife, Cherie Blair.
There you go, a ridiculous, nonsensical post. Full of my moronic musings. Something tells me I needed a longer nap. THE END....whoops!
Yay, you've done it - and Penny should be right proud of you! Now, that building is about the ugliest thing I've ever seen; seriously, what gives with the things poking out? I was going to guess Tony was singing Kumbaya, sure got that wrong. Thank you for explaining the Big Bank Theory so clearly, I now get the picture. It's not a very pretty one, in fact it reminds me of that dome.
ReplyDeleteGary, I think you left just one teeny thing out of your post...where are the photos of your great tricks? Or perhaps a video?? Your adoring fans want to see!!
Peace :)
Wow...that was exciting. From fat cats to CAPITAL PUNISHMENT to Pennys barkoff. Banks irritate the heck out of me. I do all my own work at the bank machine and they charge me for it. They should pay ME for the use of my money. What does Penny think of Fat Cats?
ReplyDeleteYou and Penny always make me smile!
ReplyDeleteThat's a really odd building! and just for fun here's a really long sentence, that doesn't make a lot of sense, without a single capital: enjoy!
Thanks for enlightening me on the Big Bank Theory. Now I realise it isn't just weather forecasters who get paid for consistently getting it wrong.
ReplyDeleteHaha! Thank you for clarifying the burning issues of the day. And that's really a finished building? Looks like one of those old bouffy cap hairdryers without the flowers! Penny is, I'm sure, wiggling with pride!
ReplyDeleteHi Kim,
ReplyDeletePenny took one look at this posting and went back to sleep :)
At one time, I actually thought they were cranes that hadn't been removed. I thought the arena wasn't finished!
Actually, the Queen and Tony were singing, a song by Queen, something about, 'all we hear is Radio Gaga', which, in the updated version, goes like this, 'all we hear is Lady Gaga...'
You are so welcome in regards to my excellent explanation of the Big Bank Theory. And I've suddenly got an idea for those CEO's and how I'd like to place them on the world's largest 'pincushion'!
Penny has tried to take photos and videos of me doing my tricks. Trouble is I keep moving around too much and she cannot get a good enough shot! :)
Peace to you eh :)
Hi Delores,
ReplyDeleteDelighted this vitally important posting was so exciting :)
Most bank machines in Britain do not charge to use them. However, I do note the machines state, 'free cash machine'. Yet, never has it handed me out, 'free cash'.
Penny likes 'Fat Cats' about as much as the ones that wander into our garden and crap in the vegetable patch.
Take care, eh :)
Hi Jemi,
ReplyDeleteThanks, cause we love to make you smile, eh :)
It's a very odd building. A baffling, bewildering building. Whoops, you put a capital at the beginning of the sentence :) Yikes.
Thanks Jemi and enjoy a good movie :)
Hi Ian,
ReplyDeleteThanks and it's my pleasure to enlighten you.
And Ian, you know what, suddenly I'm thinking about a certain weatherman named Michael Fish :)
Hey Austan,
ReplyDeleteIndeed, a rather relevant topic. You can bank on that. Or maybe not.
Strangely enough, it really is a finished building. I love your description of it!
Penny often wiggles. Usually an indication that nature is calling :)
Take care and I have so much admiration for your positive outlook.
In kindness, Gary
My friend, I'm up late and decided to see if you had a posting, and viola.....thou doest! For Joy! And I must say you are at the top of your game, this is the most nonsensical, all over the place, well executed stylized writing which has departed from thy mind to your pen yet! You merged three topics together and they all read quite nicely.....well done my dear chap....well done. Now I must crash, it's been an depressingly exhausting day. Be at rest my friend, love is in the air! Later...
ReplyDeleteHello Gary:
ReplyDeleteHere, in impoverished Hungary, the government is this very day stepping in, rather late in the day we may add, to attempt to save even more homeowners who were, as it happens, wrongly advised to take out mortgages in Swiss Francs rather than the Hungarian Forint from being made homeless through an inability to pay the escalating interest and exchange rates. Meanwhile, your point, the banks become richer by the day! Mis-selling is a term which, sadly, does not feature here.
Now for length of sentence, as you will know, is there anyone to beat Henry James although, to be fair, he did rather rely on the Capital Letter - certainly at the start of a sentence?!
As for The Dome. What a farce from beginning to end. And how very dreary HM The Queen looks in that photograph. Is not the role of the Monarch at least to look happy? Bring on the Revolution, we say!
Dear Gary,
ReplyDeleteAh, a vaguely political post this time, methinks. And about time too.
Still, I hope things are a bit better for you than when we last spoke.
Greetings, also, to Penny the wonder-dog, who writes incredibly good blogs.
With Very Best Wishes and a big, fat bonus payment, your way,
David.
I wish these comments came with sound because then you'd hear me cheering and clapping!
ReplyDeleteAnd Tilly thinks Penny's Big Bark Theory is an excellent idea and is having a go as I type :-)
(I always think that dome thing looks like a dead insect with its legs in the air).
as always Penny keeps me entertained. She is a very smart dog and a wonderful writer.
ReplyDeleteI'm all for CAPITAL punishment! Of course I'm talking about CAPITAL punishment not the other less cuddly notion. :-)
ReplyDeleteEnjoy your nap! Naps are good for you! Take care
x
Hi Gary. I would really like to make a comment here but I have not got the faintest idea what to say! Except "Hello Gary"!
ReplyDeleteClick here for Bazza’s Blog ‘To Discover Ice’
Your political system works so well, they adopted it here in Canada. It should be duly noted that our buffoons not only receive bonuses, they get a big fat pension when they're kicked out for being too damn cute for words. Sometimes this happens after only a few months on/in their seat/arse. The pension is for life. Isn't that swell?
ReplyDeleteGary's back! Yay!
That picture of the dome tells me ugly never goes out of style. And this was given a go ahead?
ReplyDeleteGreed begets greed. Incompetency rears it ugly head once again. I give Penny four paws up for that last post!
Now where did I put that coffee?
hi me gary! yikes! that buildings just way strange looking. ack! you go me laughing so much on this post. for sure i dont wanna be one of those fat cats. but i could wanna be a modest internet star like penny. :)
ReplyDelete...hugs from lenny
Hi The Manic Chef,
ReplyDeleteMy friend, perhaps worryingly, this is probably not my most disjointed, nonsensical posting :) However, I'm delighted that the various, apparently non-related topics in this post, merged into....ummmm...disjointed nonsensical moronic musings of a man most mixed up, mostly....
I do hope you managed to have a decent sleep after such a trying day, my dear buddy.
Thank you and take very good care, eh :)
Gary
Greetings Jane and Lance,
ReplyDeleteOh my, that's a terrible situation in Hungary. It seems, that wrong advice is all too prevalent and of course, those who can least afford, suffer the consequences of misinformation, mis-selling. It always seems the misinformed, bear the brunt, whilst those who already have much, profit from the misfortune of others.
The banks have a lot to answer for. Of course, 'wink, wink, nudge, nudge'is all part of banking corruption. And the gap between the rich and poor, the haves and have-nots, grows ever wider.
Henry James may well be a challenge in regards to a lengthy sentence. However, I did a posting about 'breathing exercises' which entailed the posting to be made up of just one sentence which if you kept reading it and reading it, you would find yourself gasping for breath and would truly find yourself greatly relieved when said sentence finally made, for no apparent reason, a rather abrupt and bewildering END!
The Dome, which I believe, cost a mere 700 million pounds. Now, that's a darned expensive 'pincushion'!
And bless the Queen. I reckon she partied all through the night. Bring on the revolution and lets have a big old celebration in Buckingham Palace!
Thanks Jane and Lance.
In kindness and respect, Gary
Dear David,
ReplyDeleteThere certainly were some political undertones within this posting. A little bit satirical and of course, never up to the standards of the true comedy satire bloggers. What the hell, I'm turning into a rebel.
Thanks David, but sadly, thanks to all the 'politics', the situation is no better and seems to be getting worse. Will maintain a positive focus.
Penny thanks you for realising just how incredibly good her writing is. She wants us to realise, that we humans, will never be able to write as well as dogs.
Best wishes back to you and guest pass to the Queens next party, your way, Gary
Hi Teresa,
ReplyDeleteThanks and I wish you could hear me applauding the fact you are cheering and clapping! :)
Whoops, looks like Penny's 'Big Bark Theory' is catching on and she hopes that Tilly's yapping will inspire your human type attempts at writing :)
Nice description of the dome. Also a nice description of certain CEO's...
Take care of yourself and Tilly.
Gary
Hi becca,
ReplyDeletePenny is delighted that she keeps you entertained. It might of helped if she wrote this posting :)
Cheers becca.
In kindness, Gary
Hi Old Kitty,
ReplyDeleteAh yes, CAPITAL punishment, or how to get around on London Transport! :)
A nap? A great idea. Judging by this poor attempt at satire, I do need another nap. Must now go and check my 'eyelids for cracks' :)
All the best,
Gary
x
Hi bazza,
ReplyDeleteSo much for your career as Speaker in the House of Commons. 'Order! Order!'
Cheers bazza...
Hi Joylene,
ReplyDeleteOf course, I'm all too familiar with the political system in both countries. However, in Canada, they have a 'non-confidence' motion. I know you're to young to remember what happened to Joe Clarke :) Over here, they form a coalition Government and say to hell with the electorate.
Yes, the buffoons get buffoon bonuses for their incredible ability to be ummm...buffoons. And, doesn't it just warm your heart that these bewildering, baffling buffoons, get a 'golden handshake'. Sometimes after only a few months. Right then, I'm off to the House of Lords...
Ah yeah, Gary has returned and Penny is practising the 'Big Bark Theory' on my eardrums!
Hi R. Jacob,
ReplyDeleteYes indeed Ray, such baffling building will never go out of style. Oh yes, it was approved by those who thought it would be go for their ego. Very strange ego trip.
And the greedy get greedier. Some things never change. Penny gives you a high paw and an 'arf, arf!'
Hope you found your coffee. Which reminds me....
Hey Lenny! :)
ReplyDeleteIt's one strange looking building and I wouldn't want to get a close up look at it. Glad you had a laugh, my young buddy :)
Penny says you are a modest internet star, just like she is. And she isn't a fan of Big Cats or most cats! :)
Hugs and smiles, your way, Mr. Gary :)
It looks like those “cranes” are the structural supports for the building… that must be the
ReplyDeleteintended look. In theory it is a good idea.
Sorry, I haven’t had internet for a while, I am trying to catch up with all the blogs I follow.
I do love the idea of the Big Bark theory. Very funny post.
ReplyDeleteYou've done it again, Mr Pennick. Another delightfully eloquent post. And as for the so called, Fat Cats with their even fatter bonuses you talk about, there is only one word for them. Immoral.
ReplyDeleteWill be in touch, good sir :)
Hi Jeff,
ReplyDeleteYeah, they are actually a part of the structure. I recall, when I went by on the 'Docklands Railway', that it looked like it wasn't finished, what with those 'cranes', sticking out of it :)
good idea.
My friend, a pleasure seeing you here. And I've been struggling trying to get internet for the last few days. I apologise if I haven't been as proactive as I'd like to be.
Thanks Jeff and happy writing,
Gary
Hi Susan,
ReplyDeleteIt's not such a good idea when Penny tries out the 'Big Bark Theory' on my eardrums! :)
Thanks for thinking this was a funny post.
With respect, Gary
Gidday Wendy,
ReplyDeleteVery kind of you to consider this an eloquent post. Actually, Penny checked it over and made sure it was okay, before I published it :)
For sure, those Fat Cats are immoral, with no shred of decency.
Look forward to hearing from you. Enjoy the world cup rugby and yay Canada! :)
LOL! The Queen does not look amused!
ReplyDeleteI hope Penny had tea with the Corgis after her special repawting of the event.
Hi Madeleine,
ReplyDeleteYeah, the Queen doesn't look exactly thrilled. Then again, they were playing 'God save the Queen', by the Sex Pistols! :)
Penny wasn't alive at the time. However, I suppose she might have lowered her standards, if she was alive and had tea with a bunch of yappy Corgis :)
Take care,
Gary
The Big Bank Theory...hah! That was funny...in a rather pathetic way. And that O2 Arena? It's a glorified tent, so says the architect in me anyway. And I usually I love contemporary architecture.
ReplyDeleteHi Nancy,
ReplyDeleteMy posting was pathetically funny :)
I reckon the O2 arena is an insult to any decent tent! I usually appreciate modern architecture. I certainly make an exception in this case. Wonder if Prince Charles would approve? Wonder if I care...
Thanks Nancy and happy writing.
Gary
I think your Big Bank Theory is dead on.
ReplyDeleteHi mac,
ReplyDeleteHey, thanks for that and it was very nice visiting your blog :)
YIKES, I DON'T WANT TO GET A LONG LONG LONG SENTENCE FOR MY CAPITAL MISTAKES, IT WOULD BE DEVASTATING TO ME AND MACY AND PEACHES AND GINGER , PROBABLY` MY HUSBAND AND DAUGHTER TOO. :o
ReplyDeleteFun post Gary! The banking thing drives me crazy too. It seems to me that if the government is having to bail you out, you didn't work hard enough to earn a bonus. If I had to be bailed out, I for sure would consider repayment my priority...not a new yacht or such.
Hi Sharon,
ReplyDeleteAHA...I BET YOU ENJOYED STICKING ON THE CAPITAL LOCK ON YOUR KEYBOARD..YOU DID USE THE CAPITAL LOCK ON YOUR KEYBOARD...RIGHT, WRONG, DON'T KNOW, MAYBE, PERHAPS OR WHATEVER....:)
A capital sentence might entail being stuck in London, or, good grief, Washington D.C., for ever and a day :)
Yes, the banking bonus bit baffles. To think you can get rewarded for incompetence and actually get two yachts at the end of the year and your own private exotic island. Gosh.
Have a wonderful time in England. I shall be watching out for you on television. No doubt, you will be on all the talk shows :)
Penny's having a 'pawsitive' effect on you, Gary! This is good stuff, my friend.:)
ReplyDeleteI very much enjoyed the irony and humor of your writing. 'The big bank theory', the 'Fat Cat', not leaving out 'Capital Punishment' - exceptionally creative and entertaining.
And speaking of your adorable Penny, she must be conspiring with that dog of mine - with her 'big bark theory'... and I hear it's spreading farther than you realize, Gary. Soon no one will be able to have a nap!
Okay, I now have a happy face. Let the day begin.:)
Great post,
M.
Heehee Gary!
ReplyDeleteThe big bank theory is right on, and fat cats are definitely doing well. Speaking of fat cats. There's a new bank in town that stores surgically removed fat to be used in the future to let's say...plump up your lips, buttocks, or cheeks. Yes Gary! You heard it here first. A fat bank, for fat cats. It may be the first time that I'd like to donate some of my riches to the bank. Check it out here for a giggle. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/09/16/fat-bank-liposuction-florida_n_966729.html
P.S. I think that I've been cited by the authority for over use of capitals in my blog. What should I do?
Hi M,
ReplyDeleteThank you, my friend and absolutely, Penny has had a pawesome affect on me :)
I'm very flattered that you enjoyed the irony in this attempt at satire. I do like to stray into the realms of surreality. And the 'Fat Cats' should be fed with a large bowl of humility.
Oh no, the 'Big Bark Theory' has spread and is going global. Yikes, we cannot have you missing out on a nap, thanks to your lovable dog. I must tell Penny to contact your dog and mention the barking volume must be reduced :)
I'm so glad you have a happy face and I have tremendous respect and admiration for you and your loved ones.
May you have a peaceful weekend.
Peaceful wishes, your way, Gary.
Pawsitive wishes, your way, Penny :)
HELLO THE SNEE,
ReplyDeleteYES, FOR SURE, THE FAT CATS ARE DOING SO WELL THAT THEY HAVE GRINS LIKE BIG FAT CHESHIRE CATS!
Now, that seems like my kind of bank. To think, that I could go to my big fat account and remove a deposit of my deposit of fat and have it deposited back on my ass, or face. Of course, this might cause some confusion....I shall check out your link, eh.
Well, the snee, you don't want to continue committing a capital offence by having CAPITAL letters in your blog title. You must beg those 'Post Control' officers for mercy. Or failing that, go on Judge Judy. I'm sure she would give you a reduced sentence...
Have a lovely weekend, Rebecca, (rebecca) :)
Wow, this post was superbly entertaining I nearly shed one and a half tears. Penny's definitely been teaching you the right stuff, Gary. You made me bawled with laughter at almost every line, except for the one on Blair and the Queen singing. Actually, it made me giggle because the Queen looked like she was infected by some zombie virus. No offense Your Majesty. Thank you for the laughs, Gary =)
ReplyDeleteHey Shanaz,
ReplyDeleteWhy thank you. Penny and her constant encouragement to make me a better writer by applying her 'Big Bark Theory' into my eardrums, may have worked a little bit.
Ah yes, the Queen and Blair. Judging by the way things are, she could well be Queen of the Zombies and Blair, just a Zombie who nods his head at the right times. Oh no, time to take me to the Tower of London :)
Kind wishes and peaceful thoughts, your way, Penny and her human Zombie, Gary :)