On Saturday, May 7, I shall be heading for Manchester airport to fly on the blogger's favourite airline, yes indeed, I'm flying on 'Blog Air', destination, Vancouver, Canada, eh.
I've no doubt that someone will notice me with my luggage outside my house and comment, 'Going somewhere nice?' Why the f**k do folks say that? I will probably reply, 'Going somewhere nice? Of course not! Why the f**k would I go somewhere nice when I can go on a world tour and visit the best sewage treatment plants on the planet!'
And where oh where shall I be sitting on 'Blog Air': destination Vancouver? Will I be sitting with the self-obsessed bloggers? Nope. Will I be amongst the self-promoting bloggers? Definitely not. Will I be in the section of the plane where the 'hey lets have yet another competition on my site, because I love y'all and it has nothing whatsoever to do with me trying to get more bloggers to follow my blog, bloggers'? Of course not. Will I be sitting beside a blogger who links into every blogging site they see and has like a thousand 'followers' after a week, because other bloggers notice their icon and thus link into their blog? Umm, no way. Will I be sitting amongst the blogger 'sheep' or as I call them 'Bleeps', who go to sites and heap praise and worship the self-obsessed blogger? No chance.
I suppose, based on the above paragraph, you might assume that I would be sitting in the cynical bloggers section of Blog Air. Me cynical? Never! Me sarcastic? Never been sarcastic in my life, ever!
No, this shy and humble blogger on his unassuming site, will be down in the cargo hold. Down there with the exotic animals, an iguana named Fred, a kiwi named Marvin and a couple of bloggers who do nothing but blogs about cats. Help me!
Of course, piloting the Blog Air plane is the true star of this blog, yep, Penny the Jack Russell pilot dog and modest internet star.
Ah yes, I can imagine the following announcement on Blog Air, 'This is your captain speaking. Captain Penny. Would you please fasten your seat belts. We are experiencing turbulence in the self-obsessed section of the plane. Apparently too many Bleeps are hanging around the self-obsessed bloggers and their excitement is causing the plane to shake.....'
And, upon my return from Vancouver? I've absolutely no doubt that some idiot will say, 'So, how did you find Vancouver?' Why the f**k do folks say that? Of course, I will reply, 'You stupid f**ker! I didn't find Vancouver. I left that up to the pilot. Penny the Jack Russell pilot dog and modest internet star.'
Ok, first off, Penny is F**kin awesome.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, OOH! OOH! Do me, do me! What kind of blogger am I? This sounds like it could turn into a fun game...
Aha, Lost.in.Idaho,
ReplyDeleteYes indeed, Penny is the dawg and a pilot dawg on 'Blog Air'!
Now, not one to self-promote, 'cough cough', I did a previous posting about Blog Air that caused a bit of a debate.
Yes, this can be a real fun game. However, I know that the 'self-obsessed' blogger will not be visiting and commenting. Too busy expecting folks to visit their site and worship praise on them. Gosh n stuff :)
Thank you for commenting on my shy and humble blog :)
I feel like such a dummy, here, but are you actually going to Vancouver? I understand it's quite a beautiful place and am thinking that, along with the Peak District (I love the book you sent!), I'd like to go there someday. Is this a dream I should forget about, or a good idea?
ReplyDeleteAll the best to you, wherever you are going!
Hi Raining Acorns,
ReplyDeleteI sure am going to Vancouver. I sort of alluded to it in my previous posting that you very kindly commented on :)
I am going over to Vancouver, via 'Blog Air', on Saturday May 7. It is indeed a beautiful place and is my second home. And yes, this home I'm typing from is near the 'Peak District' and I'm glad you liked the books you won in my 'contest'. Whoops :)
No, my friend, this is not a dream, this is real, however, I'm surreal or something...:)
Thank you and all the best to you. Maybe, someday, you shall get to visit Vancouver.
In kindness, shy and humble Gary.
Doggone, Gary, your insight into the blogging community is the dogs bollocks and that's fur sure!
ReplyDeleteHave a safe and enjoyable trip.
LOL...nothing like hitting the nail on the head! This post is F*in awesome! Oh, and in case I forget to mention later in the week - please Hi Y'all to Vancouver for me! :)
ReplyDeleteHi Gary. You are clearly in a bouyant mood. I can just see you running around the house with your bucket and spade all excited by your holiday!
ReplyDeleteYou will have a hundred companions with you all the way. Enjoy it.
Click here for Bazza’s Blog ‘To Discover Ice’
Crap I guess this means I have to start behaving myself if your coming here. No worries though I'll make sure the town is in tip top shape for your arrival.
ReplyDeleteDear Gary,
ReplyDeleteSo, going somewhere nice, are we?
Only joking, Gary, I do know that you are off to the wonderful Canadian city of Vancouver and I do hope you have a bloody good time.
In the mean-time, though, try to stay clear of all those self-obsessed bloggers, who I am so unlike, being, as I am, the nice, down-to-earth, rational, yet ruggedly attractive type blogger.
Seriously, though, I wish you a wonderful trip- I'm sure things will all go swimmingly. I shall endeavour to get in touch before you go.
Yours with Very Best Wishes,
David.
Awwwww Pilot Penny!!!! You are in safe and pawsome paws klahanie!!!
ReplyDeleteYay! Have a good and safe trip and please return in one piece with lots of Vancouver goodies to giveaway to all your blog buddies! Ahem. Take care
x
Ah, I remember the post about different kinds of bloggers... A bit tongue-in-cheek, are we? :)
ReplyDeleteI will be moving back to Europe in less than four weeks, but like my bed here in the U.S. so much I am thinking of taking it with me and flying in the cargo hold. It would definitely be more comfortable than the seating area, plus I have some 'oversize baggage' in my head anyways...
Safe travels and a jolly good time!
Leave it to Gary to tickle my funny bone. I'll be sitting in the cargo section with you too sipping on some nice fruit juice while the cat-obsessed bloggers get overexcited sharing tales about their furry lovers.
ReplyDeleteBTW, Penny is looking Mighty Gorgeous in the photo! Is she wearing some sleek dog fur gel, gosh,she's glowing! Or is that the natural aura of fame. Cute lil one, aren't you Penny! Here's a kiss for you, muahs!
Thank you for not being sarcastic at all during the course of your posting Gary. And as always, your awesomeness peaks through. Keep smiling :)
Oh, this post was hilarious!!
ReplyDeleteI must say, my good friend, that you are 100% right on with every word there about some of the different types of bloggers. lol
Penny's such a doll.
I hope you have the most wonderful trip ever, Gary, and we can't wait to hear the stories!! =)
Be safe, my friend. Many hugs & kindest wishes. <3
~Pixi
haha as always i was entertained as for your sitting arrangement that's where i would be but with my hamster in tow because well i don't own neither cat nor gog so i can't blog about them. either way i hope you have a safe and fun trip. try to behave while you're away.
ReplyDeleteGoing somewhere nice are we?
ReplyDeleteI'll quite possibly see you down in the cargo hold someday with Fred the iguana and Marvin the kiwi :)
Enjoy :)
You made me laugh my socks off Gary( which is quite an accomplishment given that my shoes were on at the time)!
ReplyDeleteSooooo, I can't wait to hear about your trip to Canada and I hope you get a ton of Canuckie. Warmest Regards and safe travels friend.
Hi Ian,
ReplyDeleteHow's it goin' eh? And thank you kindly, because, much to my surprise, being the, 'dog's bollocks', is a good thing. Gotta' love those Brits, eh :)
Cheers Ian. Captain Penny is getting ready to pilot 'Blog Air' :Destination Vancouver.
Hi there CindyLu,
ReplyDeleteThanks for that. However, I must be careful, the 'really important' bloggers might, by some wild chance, lower their standards and visit my unimportant blog and enforce a two posting ban on me...or something like that :)
What the f**k eh! :)
Well gosh n'stuff, I surely will pass on your "Hi Y'all" to the good folks of Vancouver. You take y'all, ya hear? :)
Hi bazza,
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely dude. I'm floating around my living room thinking about my neato adventure to Wreck Beach.
Although my bucket made me feel sick. In fact, I'm looking pail.
It will be very nice to know that I will have a hundred companions with me all the way. Had no idea the cargo hold was that large.
Cheers bazza :)
Hi The Wolf,
ReplyDeleteOn no, never behave yourself, eh. Good luck getting the town in tip top shape for my imminent arrival. You can cheer me as I ride by in my executive limo during the big parade in my honour.
The good thing is that the Vancouver Canucks will still be in the play-offs when I get there!
Take care, man.
Dear David,
ReplyDeleteYes sir, I shall be visiting the 'Maple Syrup Museum'.
I'm sure I will have a good time. It's always great to go back and talk like the locals, eh. Thanks for your kind wishes.
Oh, rest assured, I shall stay well away from the self-obsessed bloggers. If only they could be more like you. Shy, modest and always downplaying your rugged good looks.
Thanks David for you friendship and I do hope that you, shy, modest and ruggedly handsome dude that you are, honours me with your words of intellectual might, just one more time before I fly off on 'Blog Air'.
In kindness and positive wishes, your way, Gary.
Hi Old Kitty,
ReplyDeleteHow y'all doing, my bloggy friend?
And, for sure, with Penny the pilot, we know that 'Blog Air' will be a pawsitive flight :)
Thanks for your nice wishes. And, ah yes, gosh, what a great idea. Why don't I have a contest, a 'challenge', or something and have lots of neat Vancouver prizes for all my 'bloggy friends'. Yay :)
Oh, I have your place ready in the cargo hold. Meow :)
You take care,
x
Hi Chris,
ReplyDeleteAh yes and I remember your comment. You were the first to comment about those 'blogger types'. I guess it's all about perception.
And me, tongue-in-cheek? Perhaps, but I think there is a certain amount of truth in what I noted.
Oh wow. I hope that your move back to Europe is a most positive adventure :) And bring your American bed with you and place it in the cargo hold. What an awesome idea and you can be lulled to sleep by the cacophony of sounds from a variety of exotic animals and help, a couple of blogger who do nothing but blog about cats :)
May your 'oversized baggage' feel like a lot less as you fly on 'Blog Air: Destination Europe :)
In peace and kind wishes, your way, Gary.
Hi Shanaz,
ReplyDeleteOh by the way, nice camera :) Yes, it will be very nice to see a down-to-earth lady, up in the air, in the cargo hold of 'Blog Air' :) And gosh, just think how much fun it will be listening to those pussy bloggers go on and on and on about those lovable bundles of fur who like to cause havoc in the garden and shit in my vegetable patch. 'Giggle, giggle' :)
Penny thanks you for such a shiny compliment. She might say it's her glowing aura of fame. I might suggest that she, once again, was rubbing herself in fox shit. I'm so kidding :)
Hang on. Okay, go ahead Penny. 'Hi Shanaz, pawsitive wishes and doggy kisses, your way! x'
And you're so very, very, very, very welcome. I would never, in my wildest dreams, even remotely attempt to be sarcastic, ever!!! :)
Thanks Shanaz and may you dazzle us all with your radiant and glowing smile.
In kindness and bottle of juice, your way, Gary :)
Hi LilPixi,
ReplyDeleteHey, thanks for that :) I had a bit of hunch that you might have made similar observations. I could of gone further with this. I might have said that there are a number of self-obsessed bloggers who are basically insecure. I could have noted that the number of 'followers' has little to do with the quality of the blog. In fact, it's bullshit.
Penny is a doll and a mighty fine pilot :)
Thanks for your very nice thoughts in regards to my holiday back to Canada :) Hell, I might come up with some posting to bore y'all about my adventure and yes, all those 'parades in my honour (honor)' :)
Hugs back atcha', my friend. You are like totally real and you have my mega respect.
In kindness, your way, Gary :)
Hi becca,
ReplyDeleteAha, I shall see you in the cargo hold with your hamster. Make sure you bring a hamster wheel. It would be so entertaining to watch. A lot more entertaining than listening about cats :)
Thanks for your kind thoughts and like I always do, I will behave myself :)
Kind wishes, Gary.
Gidday Wendy,
ReplyDeleteNow why would anybody want to go somewhere nice? :) I mean, why go to a nice place and have fun. What a strange and unusual concept :)
Now, that would be neat. Wendy from down under, Fred the iguana and Marvin the kiwi, partying in the cargo hold on 'Blog Air', the blogger's favourite airline :)
Cheers, Wendy.
In kindness and a fresh bucket of worms, for Marvin, your way, Gary :)
Hi THE SNEE,
ReplyDeleteWell, bless your cotton socks as you laugh your socks off after working your socks off and then realise you really should roll your socks up and then notice, to your bewilderment, that your shoes were on, all the time :)
I'm sure I will amuse and entertain you with my Canuck capers and how everyone in Canada praised me to the point I had to ask them to stop, because all the flattery was super embarrassing and made me blush n' stuff eh.
Thanks, Rebecca. Much respect to you, my wonderful and genuine friend :)
In kindness and a holey sock, your way, Gary :)
I'll be the blogger down in the cargo hold, listening to the ruckus of idiots above me and trying my very darnedest not to go up to the self-promoting seats to terminate all the worthless bleeps and egotistical blog gods because I'm such a swell and lovable guy.
ReplyDeletecough-cough
Anyways... Here's to you and the true star of klahanie having a safe and wonderful trip. Your post was a direct hit on the truth of those blogging types. You? Sarcastic? Oh cum now.
Why that would be like me being called sarcastic. lol. Now please excuse while go and link myself to a thousand bloggers and garner as many followers as possible in a short period of time because, gosh, isn't that what blogging is all about? You know... the desperate superficiality of wanting attention from strangers on the Internet because you somehow feel insecure in your real life. Oooops. Did I say that out loud? I didn't mean to. I'm bad. :) Take care, my friend. I had to delete the first comment. I didn't want any Grammar Nazis lurking about to possibly crucify me.
Ah Kelly type dude,
ReplyDeleteI reckon you and I can have a right ol' party in the cargo hold. Then, when we get fed up with crap spewing from the self-promoters, the 'oh look at me' and the other fat-headed bloggers, you, me and a variety of exotic animals can most definitely go up to those sections and guarantee they will land before the rest of us. You, my intellectual giant, are a swell and gosh darn lovable dude :) Lets go sort out some 'Bleeps', while we're in the mood eh. 'Cough n' stuff..'
Seriously, thanks for your well wishes for me and the true star of this non-promoting, non self-obsessed blog, Penny the Jack Russell pilot dog and modest internet star! :) 'Arf, arf n' stuff!'
And of course, this 'direct hit' will not be read by those noted. For they are too busy over at their blogs, which are, naturally, a meeting place for the 'Bleeps' to worship and idolise them. Wow wee!
Sarcasm is something that never even enters my mind :) Of course, you Kelly, have never, ever, ever been remotely sarcastic on your site, or in your comments. No sir. No way! :)
Yes, you go ahead and link into every blogging site you see. And, hey presto! you will have not thousands, but zillions of 'genuine followers' on your site. Yes sir, superficiality reigns supreme. Aint that just wonderful.
Dude, I like what you wrote 'out loud'. You echo my thoughts on the insincere ones out there. Luckily, there are a number who are real, who are caring, who embrace the idea of an all different, all equal blogging community. You, my buddy, embrace that ideal. And the amount of 'followers' has no correlation with the quality of the blog. I have the great privilege of interacting with some with very few 'followers'. Yet, they write some of the best darn stuff on the internet and have genuine interaction with the few who visit them. I like to think that's what it's truly all about. Silly me eh.
Kelly, you are a very naughty blogger and the blogger 'police' and the 'Grammar Nazis' are ready to give you at the very least, a two posting ban.
Thanks for that. We must both go now and hang our heads in shame.
Penny, drats, wish I was coming. I'd hide you in my petticoats. If anyone dare come near I'd cough which would be your signal to growl. If they got closer, I'd pull up my shirts and you'd have your way with 'em. Snoopy devils. Take care, Penny. Have a great trip. And don't let anyone stick any of them needles in you. There are no doggy germs in Canada, so you don't has to worry.
ReplyDeleteOh, the rest of my pawfect family says, bonnie good trip.
Mmmm...thought twice about commenting, didn't want you to think I was just doing it to promote myself. You know, me, GEM....THE MODERN DAY SPINSTER who won your INSPIRATION AWARD...just in case you didn't know who I was and all. I will refrain from adding my link as like I said, wouldn't want you to think I wasn't sincere when I say that I definately agree with the whole "are you going anywhere nice..." business. Anyway are you...going anywhere nice??
ReplyDeleteHave a great trip!
Take Care
GEM - MODERN DAY SPINSTER BLOG - RECEIVER OF INSPIRATION AWARD!!!!
Hi Joylene,
ReplyDeleteGary tells me you are already in Canada. However, he tells me that you would have a wonderful time in the caring and genuine section on 'Blog Air':)
I know that I don't have to worry about getting a needle stuck in me to ward of Canadian doggy germs. What worries me is that I hear your cats are like really big. Something about a mountain lion or a cougar.
Thank you Joylene.
Pawsitive wishes to you and all your furry friends, Penny the Jack Russell pilot dog and modest internet star! :) x
Hi GEM,
ReplyDeleteAha, well there's positive promotion via a sincere and caring blogging community. Then again, there are the blatant self-promoters who could care less about anybody else.
Now then, GEM, WHO THOROUGHLY DESERVED THE INSPIRATION AWARD. I like your blog very much and like I noted, you have an important message. Of course, if I, KLAHANIE A MAN CHALLENGING HIS 'INNER CRITIC', was a self-promoter, I would have sent the award to one of those bloggers with millions of 'followers'. That way, they would perhaps have acknowledged my award, put up link back to KLAHANIE' and their millions of 'folowers', would have noted me. However, I'd rather see jolly good new bloggers such as your kind self, get the recognition they deserve:)
GEM you are a GEM:) I love your comment and thanks for a good old ironic laugh :)
Of course, why would anyone want to go somewhere nice when they could spend five weeks at 'THE SELF PROMOTING, SELF-OBSESSED BLOGGER SEMINAR', being held in downtown 'Bloggywood'.
Thanks for your kind wishes, GEM.
You take very good care and have a peaceful, positive weekend.
In kindness and kudos, your way, GARY AKA KLAHANIE...LOL
Well I hope you save a spot for me in the cynical bloggers section. perhaps we can see have a contest to see who can be the most cynical and get the least followers.
ReplyDeleteHave a great trip and are you going someplace nice? One thing about touring a sewage plant you don't have to worry about finding a bathroom should an emergency arise?
Hey Greg,
ReplyDeleteA spot in the cynical bloggers section of 'Blog Air' was reserved for you :) Of course, the self-obsessed and the 'Bleeps' were most outraged to see another cynical blogger on the plane. Then again, who cares eh:)
Thanks for your kind wishes in regards to my trip. Well, I must go now. I actually found a really nice sewage treatment plant in Vancouver and nature is calling eh.
Cheers Greg and take very good care.
Gary :)