The other day someone asked me how are things. I replied that I was on the verge of becoming a virtual recluse, yet again. They jokingly responded: "Well that's an improvement." You know what? Even though the remark was made in jest, there was some credibility in their statement. For being a virtual recluse is my way of progressing from being a total recluse.
I do challenge my hermit-like state. So boy oh boy, am I ever challenging it now. For I am about to embark on one heck of a huge irony. For someone who struggles to go outside and face the world; what I'm about to do confronts my uncomfortable 'comfort zone', big time.
I am off on a paradoxical journey that will question all my fears. I fear being out there amongst the hectic sea of humanity. I fear being caught out and confirming my overwhelming sense of stupidity. I fear my negative thoughts will undermine the optimistic progress that I have achieved over the last year. I must have the courage to no longer have a negative environment created by others and compounded by me, sabotage my chance to relax and have some fun.
So I will say goodbye to the four walls that have dominated my life. I shall bid farewell to the 'deafening' silence that dominates my life. Out the front door I shall go, determined to head to Manchester airport and take that plane to Vancouver.
I go back to Vancouver a changed man. The man who returns to Canada has experienced many years of tremendous emotional upheaval and pain. I will see my family and dear friends from the past. I hope that through all my turmoil, they see beyond the pain and confusion. Under all those layers is the guy they remember. Although humbled by my mental illness, I firmly believe, that through my humility, they will observe a strong, resilient character.
Friday May 2nd, Klahanie will be the 'recluse on the loose'. Transported back to my other world in Canada, a world full of memories of deep sadness and euphoric happiness. Life's situations have taken their toll on me but I will never give up. What I do now is testimony to the undaunted nature of the human spirit. I have a choice, I choose to give myself the opportunity to live life. So to hell with my fears, I hold my head high and prepare myself for an adventure. Hermit on holiday...that's me.
Klahanie Blog. Celebrating the all different, all equal diversity we share. Help each other, we help ourselves. Header photo: Penny roaming free in a field, with The Roaches, near Leek Staffordshire, in the background.
hya gary,
ReplyDeleteget u goin Canada! you jammy so & so! yeas def up for meeting up. We'll av sort something out. I'm a bit here there and everywhere at the moment so might take a bit of organising but we'll sort it!
catch ya soon dude!
purkul
x
Hi recluse on the loose. I hope Canada welcomes you warmly, I'm sure it will and people will just be happy to see their old friend back again. All the best.
ReplyDeleteGo for it Klahanie!!
ReplyDeleteHello folks. Well I'm certainly trying to "go for it". It has been a very emotional yet rewarding experience. Recluse on the loose..watch out Canada!
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your comments. How surreal is this typing from a computer in White Rock, British Columbia..wherever that is eh! Keep smiling and stay positive. Warm regards Klahanie aka Gary. :-)
Dear Klahanie,
ReplyDeleteSorry to have not commented earlier, but hope you are having a great time as "the recluse on the loose". It is great that you have challenged your "comfort zone" in this way. All your mates should be proud of you back home, as we all are here.
Until next time,
Very Best Wishes,
David.