This will be a naked blog. Before you visualise me typing away, minus clothing, this blog has nothing to do with physical nudity. I am beginning to question, once again, my place in the world beyond my front door.
I bare to you the inner turmoil, the sense of confusion, that lurks beneath my perceived bravado. I became a recluse when life immersed me with disillusionment. When I finally released myself from a self-imposed mental prison, the experience of freedom was exhilarating.
Yet lately, reminders of what life used to be like have begun to repeat in an ominous fashion. Perhaps it is not realistic, but I want to live in a world devoid of people 'politics' and inappropriate 'mind games'. Sadly, I have witnessed situations in my new life that have left me stressed, confused and disappointed. This has become a profound challenge to my vulnerable confidence. I am scared but I will not give up. Clinging onto inspirational moments has been vital in my ongoing journey to a more positive life.
Even though recently I have felt undermined and disrespected; I challenge that feeling. I feel the stress, I sense the tension and I know I will do my utmost to not let it destroy my morale. For through my resilience, I wish to give hope to my new friends who have also been undermined and devalued. I will not be strangled by quilt for having the courage to do what I know is right. I draw strength from the support of those who are sincere to me. Anxiety nearly killed me, this man chooses to live on.
Tomorrow, when I go out the front door, I walk out stronger and even more determined. Ideally, any frustration that happens in my private, personal life must not follow me out that front door. I will learn to be assertive, hopefully without arrogance, to the people I meet in my daily life. If only I could be assertive to those I love.
In the naked inner-depths of my mind, lies the bare essence of who I am. Anxiety, depression, low self-esteem will not defeat my naked reality. Undaunted, this recent 'pothole' along my road to recovery, has been driven past...Gary moves on. May your journey be positive.
Klahanie Blog. Celebrating the all different, all equal diversity we share. Help each other, we help ourselves. Header photo: Penny roaming free in a field, with The Roaches, near Leek Staffordshire, in the background.
Great blog Khlahani. Thanks for showing us your nakedness, although I'm sooo glad you weren't being literal! Phew! That could've been nasty! Jibes aside, I'll reiterate what I've already said, you're more than appreciated by me and your friends here even if that's not displayed in a more substantial way. I shouldn't have to - but I'll apologise again that you're so disappointed in the world outside your front door. I don't know what you expected, maybe a Dorothy-esque moment where you opened it and found a glittered land full of tiny, singing people. Unfortunately the reality is much different, and quite often disappointing. I'm afraid that's life and I know that you have one vital element to get you through the hard times - a sense of humour, even as kooky as it is!!
ReplyDeleteAll the very best!
Keep soldiering on, soldier-boi!
Nice to see a softer side to the funny guy!! Fraid there isnt much one can do about the world beyond the front door, the option of keeping it closed would just lead to nasty head games and the world would miss you. So, Stiff uper lip and all that British stuff.... Keep on trucking. I think we are all too aware that the hardest thing to do in this world is to live in it.
ReplyDeleteSmiles... Mandy
Hello Gary
ReplyDeleteWouldn't it be wonderful if your world, free of people politics and mind games, was waiting for us every morning...
I'm sorry that your recent experiences have been hard, I only wish that I could do more to help, but you have my absolute admiration for your resolve to rise to the challenges you face.
Walk on strong and determined Gary - and may YOUR journey be positive. I, as do many others, look forward to the times when your travels bring you to my door.
Take very good care. x
Hey Klahanie,
ReplyDeleteNaked blogging has lots to recommend it, only make sure your webcam is turned off!!!! I know, once made that mistake!!!
Keep challenging, it is the doing of it that leaves the rest of us in awe when we read your writigs. I know that it's not easy but try not to be so serious, let your humour creep into every day activities, when someone starts to wind you up, try and smile, say "what a d**k", and live your life the way you want to, not the way others want you to live it. You could try not too make exceptions, no one, but no one has the right to make you feel stressed. They can only do it if you let them.
Take greatest care of yourself
Philip
Hi Khlahanie, Thanks for the comment. It is a harsh world we live in. You are a good person and deserve to be treated well. I hope you can feel better soon. I know a lot of people think highly of you. Take care.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDear Klahanie,
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear that you are feeling a little rebuffed by "the world" at present.
Perhaps it is that after being a so-called "recluse" for a while and due to the effects mental distress can have, we often get a little over-sensitive to things when we decide to make that step outside into the big, bad world. I'm not saying that what you feel isn't real, perhaps just not quite as bad as you perceive it to be.
I myself can get quite negative at times over my relations with "other people",but when I'm feeling more positive those feelings virtually disappear.
You are a kind, generous and courteous guy, Gary, and don't deserve politics and mind games to be in your life. I only wish that I could be as outgoing as you in public. As you may have noticed I am kind of quiet.
As for your "nakedness", I think this was a brave thing to say and at least shows you are a sensitive individual, which is a great quality. So stay positive. I'm sure everyone you know is really on your side.
Wth Very Best Wishes,
David.
Klahanie: I'm only seven months late responding and hope that's acceptable.
ReplyDelete["In the naked inner-depths of my mind, lies the essence of who I am."]
Surely it is and it talks to your heart and relief is felt. Sometimes it takes a breath, and sometimes 2-3 breaths; but we get it. Breathe and smile. dcrelief