Thursday, 27 June 2013

It Wasn't A Career Choice.

You may have noted, if you are somebody who has kindly been reading my last few postings, that they are bordering on surreal.  An attempt at lateral thinking humour.  Not that I constantly think about laterals.  Although I did take a lateral once from the quarterback and ran over one hundred yards for a touchdown.  I was good at that type of football and we played according to Canadian Football League rules.

I rearranged my bedroom a short time ago.  Moved the wardrobe to a different location.  Put the bed by a different wall.  Went to my bedroom that evening and never bothered to switch on the light.  I jumped into bed.  That would be the bed that wasn't there because I'd forgotten I'd moved the bed.  I crashed to the floor.  On the way to the floor, I knocked my left shoulder on the wardrobe I suddenly remembered was also in a different location.  Yes, ouch!   The next night, I remembered to turn on the light switch.

Writing is my therapy.  There are times when life is at its most challenging and discouraging.  I attempt to instil a bit of light-hearted banter.  I hope that the distractions I thus write are also a bit of comfort to anybody who might be having a struggle.  Trying to make sense of what might seem a senseless situation.

I didn't make mental illness a career choice.  When the teacher asked us, "What do you want to be when you grow up?", one said, "airline pilot", one said, "doctor", another stated, "nurse".  I did not declare, "I want to become mentally ill and become a virtual recluse!"  I actually said , "I want to be an entertainer!"  The teacher smiled.  The class laughed.   An overwhelming negative environment can take its toll on the most resilient of us.  I have and continue to challenge elements that would have the audacity to sabotage my right to a peaceful, positive life.

Recently, I endured a most frightening time with a series of hospital visits.  I endured being summoned in for a face-to-face medical assessment that was to question my illness.  An assessment that occurred only a few hours after I'd had a biopsy in a bummer of a location. I proved my case and the benefits I wish I didn't need,  were awarded to me.  Two months later, the forms I had to fill in to get my benefits, have started all over again.  It's like being in a benefits nightmare "Groundhog Day".  Just when I was starting to feel better, the anxiety starts again.

And with the gentle music of nature's orchestra playing through the wind chimes, I ponder....I calm down..  Thank you for being here.

Sunday, 23 June 2013

Sex Coach.

You might think of a "sex coach" as a bus full of footloose, fancy-free folks finding fun frolicking fondly  forwards fondling for flappy, floppy favours.  Sort of  like, "A Streetcar Named Desire", if you so desire. A coach full of wild folks doing the naked kinky conga down the aisle as the driver does her best to drive onwards and up the hill that is fast approaching.  No, the hill is not fast approaching.  The bus is fast approaching the hill.  So, stop having that pedantic thought.  Up the hill as the naked kinky conga slides down the aisle and knocks down the toilet door, startling the poor guy who is only trying to have a quiet dump. Well, that's not what I'm referring to.  Although I have ridden a Greyhound, but we wont talk about that.

No, I'm talking about an actual sex coach as in somebody who coaches you and your partner on how to have sex in a more fulfilling way. Yes, the sex coach gives you sex lessons.  How thoughtful of a sex coach standing at the end of your bed and encouraging you on.  You would be well advised to let your sex partner know that there is going to be a sex coach leering, sorry, observing the both of you from the end of your bed or whatever it is you're using.  And it would also be advisable to inform your partner that the sex coach charges $240 for a two hour coaching session.  I would also inform you that I charge half that amount.  Actually, I charge nothing.  Actually, I'll pay you to have me watch you, um coach you.
I leave you with some conga dancing, doggy style, um Pomeranian style.  "Ah Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet star!   I know, I know, you're enjoying this video!"

Wednesday, 19 June 2013

Current And Currant Affairs.

Do raisins talk about currant affairs?
Do electricians talk about current affairs?
Do the ocean waves talk about current affairs?
Do raisin raisers raisin' raisins listen to music by 'Carlos Sultana'?

Why do we drink cow's milk?  Do we start out with a bale of hay for breakfast?  Have you ever seen a cow hanging around the maternity ward trying to get some human's milk?

So I asked for her hand in marriage.  Just her hand.  She wasn't impressed.  I ended up marrying, "Thing"  from the "Addams Family".

The "Accident-Prone" workshop has been cancelled because the 'uncoordinator' wiped out the entire classroom,. knocked over the drinks machine and landed in a buffet of beef stew, creamed corn, jelly and ice cream, tripped over the electrics and set fire to the entire building.  He then fell out of the back of the ambulance on the way to the hospital, got run over by the ambulance that was behind and ended up in a ditch.  Other than that, he should be making a full recovery...

The, "Improve Your Memory" workshop, will be held at .....will be held the following location on the um following dates.

I noted somebody had done a blog on "apathy", but I couldn't be bothered to comment.

Saturday, 15 June 2013

The Blog Hop To Get You Hopping Glad!

Yes, this is the ultimate in Blog Hops.  Get on your bunny costume, your kangaroo suit and get hopping! Tell the toad!  Find the frog!   If you don't know Jack......'s Jack Rabbit still wearing a jacket.  No doubt anxiously waiting for yet another Blog Hop!
To get you in the mood for yet another Blog Hop, listening to British Hip Hop music aka East London Grime music, may well do the trick.
Go to a restaurant to get your energy up for yet another Blog Hop.  Maybe, order some 'puncakes'.
Later on, maybe get a 'Hopsicle'.  Then again, this being a British ice cream van, you can't purchase a 'Hopsicle'.  
To get your euphoric excitement to another level for this Blog Hop, you might pretend you're a Spring Chicken.
Playfully posing perhaps pretending portly penguin pop, pop, pops pogo prancing.  
Oh no, Ogopogo on a pogo stick.  I don't think so.  Leave Ogopogo for your 'Favourite Monsters Blog Hop!'

Space hopper invasion in Barcelona!  Look at all those folks getting prepared for this Blog Hop!
Not to be confused with Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar!, this is,. "Slinky Dog". Slinky Dog likes to spring into action when it comes to Dog Hops.  Very much like a Springer Spaniel.  
"Who walks the stair without a care
It shoots so high in the sky
Bounce up and down, just like a clown
Everyone knows it's Slinky"  

Welcome to the "The Hopping Glad Blog Hop!"  A Blog Hop that needs an exercise video to go with it.  A Blog Hop where you quite literally discuss anything to do with hops, skips or jumps.   For further practice for this Blog Hop, hop on a bus, or a plane, or into your car, or into a canoe.  Maybe forget about hopping into a canoe.  

Bypass the millions of millions of Blog Hop fanatics listed below so you can actually get to the section where you comment!

Hopalong David Cassidy, blog.
Jumpin' Jack Flash is a Pain in the Ass, blog
Hop on Popcorn, blog
Hop Goes the Easel Bouncing Art, blog
Hop Springs Eternal, blog
Blogs Bunny, blog
I Get By With A Little Hop From My Friends, blog
Hotblogs, Jumping Frogs, Albuquerque, blog
Bad Hare Day, blog
Some Like It Hop, blog

What is a blog hop?
Get the code here...                                                                                                          S(linky)  Tools 

Tuesday, 11 June 2013

Pesky Puparazzi Pawhaps!

Greetings, yes it's me, Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar!  Thought it was time to delight you with one of my highly entertaining pawstings, um, postings.

Did you know that I'm such an in-demand dog that I got interviewed by two of my pawesome friends, Sir Poops and Hair Ball?   The interview can be discovered here, Sir Poops and Hair Ball Interview Penny the Jack Russell Dog and Modest Superstar

My human, Gary, yes the human I so kindly allow to live with me, has just phoned me from his mobile phone, which you might call a cell phone.  Although, why they allow you a phone in your cell does puzzle me.  My humans did watch a documentary on how you get a phone into your cell.  Bottoms up, evidently.

Luckily, my human brother, Tristan, is here with me.  Gary was yelling something about being stuck at a red light.

While he's away waiting for the red light to change, I went for a bit of a stroll, a bit of a sniff in my garden.
Always on the lookout for the pesky puparazzi that often hound me, I had a glance around.  Didn't notice anything unusual.
Okay, back to something very important and now for that sniff.
Did I see something lurking behind the bushes?
If that's you, pesky puparazzi, you can forget your exclusive cover shots.  This diva dog has her standards!
Aha, guess that got rid of them!!

Awe, it wasn't the pesky puparazzi!  It's some of the wee folks and friends playing a bit of  North American football.  Can I play wide retriever, I mean, wide receiver?

Thursday, 6 June 2013

"Wait Here Until Green Light Shows"

Why is it that I always get the red light at the "3-Way Control" traffic lights?  "WAIT HERE UNTIL GREEN LIGHT SHOWS".  Why is it that there is either no workers to be seen, or they are standing around doing nothing?  Okay, I think I'm in for a long wait.  Might as well turn on the radio and listen to a bit of music. *Click*

Oh no!  Back to the days of bubblegum music.  Help!  Switch off the car stereo.  Which also makes me wonder, why is it that the car stereo sounds louder than you remembered from the last time you had it on?   I need to occupy myself while I'm waiting.  Not that!  Do some reading.  Yes, read the car manual.  Maybe figure out what all the little switches actually do.  So that's how you turn on the lights.  Skim past the wiper section.  Got that part well memorised.

When is that light going to change?
How come that right after you clean the car, the spider webs have returned to the mirror in a matter of seconds?

The light's still red.  Might as well have a snooze........"Hello my millions upon millions of adoring fans.  Yes, perfectly understandable that you consider my blog to be a must-read.  I know how you eagerly wait for my cherished postings.  Sing and dance, my adoring fans.  Celebrate the fact that you have the pleasure of reading my blogs............*BEEP!* ....*BEEP!* ....Huh?  What's happening?"
*BEEP!*.... *BEEP!* .... I looked in my rear-view mirror and there was some dude in a car gesticulating.  Yes, gesticulating as in waving his arms in a frantic fashion.  "Oops, sorry dude!"  Finally, yes finally, the light had changed to green!  Time to get going.........................

Monday, 3 June 2013

Fairy Lights And Garden Sights.

'Twas a magical night 
And all seemed right.
The lights doth glow
The breeze doth flow
A garden so mellow
   For this grateful fellow
It was dusk.  Long shadows cast reminders that this was the end of a sunny day.  The serenity of this enchanted garden, pleased the birds, pleased the wee folks. The birds sang in harmony with the wee folks.  Sweet tunes of hope, of joy, of love.

Music from the wind played through the trees 
Leaves did rustle in the breeze
This be nature's symphony
Songs that set me free
Eleven O' Clock on Sunday night.  I stood at the end of my top pathway and absorbed the moment.  I am blessed and I want to share my optimism for a better future for you, for all of us.  Together, in this all different, all equal diversity, we can make it happen.
I was about to head back inside.  Lo and behold, a fleeting glimpse of some of the wee folks.  Even from a distance, I sensed the joyful ambience of Fidelina, the beautiful fairy princess, her husband, Geoffrey the garden gnome, their boy child, Einahalk and the watchful. loving gaze of Venentia, the sister of Fidelina.
Back inside and one last look at my garden.  A garden created out of peaceful defiance to those once around me, who instead of respecting nature, destroyed it.  Where once there was squalor, now there was beauty.  In my solitude, I look out, I see, I really see, I smile.